TOXIC PARENTS: DEALING WITH CONFLICT

FREE CHECKLIST: DO I HAVE NARCISSISTIC AND/OR BORDERLINE PARENTS?

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Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):

1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA

(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)

2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"

(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).

3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT

Guided journal to help direct healing from childhood coming soon!

xo

* Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.

Thank you so very much, and I wish you love and healing on your journey.:)

[realhealing]

I didn't even realize how toxic my family was until I went no contact.

[knitpurl]

Everything you say and do will be cataloged in the brain of the borderline, to be used against you when they need the put down and/or rage. But then the rage/put down/abuse they dump on you will be quickly forgotten by them. Should have left the town I grew up in the day I turned 18.

[micheleshertenlieb]

Thank you! Last night I tried to share with my mother how her cruel treatment of both my brother and myself has effected us and that is why she has not had a real relationship of us for many many years. Needless to say she did her typical shouting over me and hung up the phone. She would not listen to what I had to say even though she says "what did I ever do to deserve to not see my grandkids". I have rotten, grateful children. So the lemon routine is not going to work for me. I have decided to block her and am going no contact and I feel pretty good about it😊

[gavinsmedt]

Thank you for making these videos and for doing the work you do. Helping me heal. <3

[edgreen]

Thanks for the boundary setting and LEMON!

[carmenkoen]

You're a life changing human being and I am grateful for your time 🥰

[tiablasangoriti]

This is really useful. I'll try them.
On another note. Dr Kim do you sing?you have a beautiful calming voice. Btw, I love the new jazz intro and outros.😊

[dishakhan]

LEMON 🍋
L- leave them
E- emotional distance
M- move out of the house
O- on your terms
N- not answering/ selectively answering.
Thank you so much ❤

[curlsnthings]

Very helpful, I’ve been doing many of these things already so it’s validating to know I’m on the right track.

[norazohls]

Thank you so much for this video (and for everything you do)! <3 It confirmed me that I have tried the right techniques so far and it also made me realise that I was not persistent enough. I am going to give them an another go.

[DracoStar]

I tried to move away, I sadly lost everything, her viseral reaction resulted in a protective order that she took out and a loss of contact and control of my children

[nanipanini]

"please stay safe AND WELL" is a nice saying. :)

[MsVivida]

My mother would contact me at night time to make sure I am alone and make me say “I love you” and won’t hung up till I verbally say it. If she doesn’t get the response she wants to hear then she will call again AM time but other than that LEMON works

[Loreli]

Best is to keep a distance, and not answering!

[lenaleclaire]

I loved your advice on setting up the healthy boundaries and not responding to all calls and texts, selectively responding to what feels appropriate, that means I have to be emotionally aware when I talk to my parents all the time and not releasing my inner child, that sure takes awareness and practice, especially when we talk about something that happened to me when I was a child, it is easy to fall into a trap :) Thank you so much for all of your videos, Dr. Kim! Sending you all my love xoxoxoxoxoxo, Elena

[SharonKBM]

These tips will really help me when I am dealing with my father. I do not believe he is a narcissist or that he has BPD, but he seems to have some characteristics of both and I am just exhausted from it all. This video is so helpful, especially one thing you said really resonated with me. You said that in childhood we were wired to respond to them and to rotate around what they needed. That is exactly what I did as a child and even to this day I have been doing that. Last year I moved him in to live with me (he is almost 90 and he has no other family or friends and he can't live alone) so I am still rotating around what he needed. I have been trying to set boundaries recently and he is fighting them but this entire video, especially that statement, is so helpful to me. I wrote it in my journal so I can reflect on it more tomorrow. Thank you ❤

[aliisakalma]

Hey. I have been struggling with knowing a narcissistic parent who has signs of narcissistic parenting, but he is also as a person overall very emotionally intelligent, empathetic and insightful and not a bad father in the stereotypical way. The online discourse only includes this type of a bad parent who is overly strict and angry and immature. This makes me gaslight myself that these parents I know arent valid as narcissistic bad parents, because their narcissistic abuse was more things like ridiculing kids for not knowing things, demanding moral perfectness and forgiveness from young age, incoherent rules for what they think is right and wrong but always making kids feel awful about themselves for the "wrong" opinion and shaming of normal personal flaws and vulnerabilities they easily notice in their kids. I feel like I'm alone with this, because he would look at overly strict yelling fathers like red foreman and judge them as bad parents so.. he must be good?

[stefanianzo]

You spoke exactly the type of relationship I have with my parents, where they do help take care of my children in times of emergency (since I am a stay-at-home mom), but they definitely believe that relationship between them and my children is the same as me and my children. They think it is their right to see them whenever THEY want and want me to feel guilty about it. Things have been better when I use some of these l.e.m.o.n. techniques without having known about them. When I specify a constant day in the week that I will take the kids to see them it helps my parents feel like we're not leaving them out of their life. Leaving the room has personally helped me set a boundary, and realize that although some disrespectful words they say aren't a big deal for them, that they are triggers for me. Anyway, thank you so much Dr. Sage for making these videos and making examples because they are often spot on!

[MissSarahGM]

Dr Kim, my mom is the type who can be close/supportive, then suddenly she needs space and doesn't welcome me, close the door on me, stops answering my calls. And plays the victim and makes me the villain. Does this presentation match a borderline mom? She has been giving me the silent treatment for 2 months now (already did 6 months), and I can't get my stuff back at her place. I feel angry and abandoned. She on the contrary doesn't stay out of touch from my older brother more than a few days, or she becomes anxious.
I rather feel like she is the one who hates me. At times. a sort of resentment, for being younger for example she said "now it's me first, you're 40 and I'm 70", she also wants to cut the bridges with me and many times threatened me she would "disappear".