9 Signs You're In A TOXIC FAMILY SITUATION |Psychotherapy Crash Course

No one wants to separate from or abandon their family or roots.

Having to separate from your family is certainly separating from your "roots."
And for some people, they may carry guilt believing they have abandoned their family.

But what do you do when the very people you trust are the same people who demean, condescend, and traumatize you?

And what do you do when psychotherapy doesn't seem to be the right answer?

Some people walk away forever.

Others seek to learn about the unhealthy family dynamic (i.e., drama) and unresolved trauma (i.e., intergenerational trauma) that has caused everyone harm in the family.

Still other people may decide to walk away from years of trauma and drama knowing the family has little to no chance of being saved.

In this video, I discuss some concepts you may benefit from considering.

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DISCLAIMER: This video is not intended to encourage family estrangement or family separation. It is 1 video out of a series of videos on family estrangement and making healthier decisions when poor family communication and years of trauma/drama has negatively impacted them. This video is supportive of the individual who has decided to walk away or take a break from their family.
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DISCUSSED IN THIS VIDEO:
0:00 intro
1:18 why it's so hard to walk away without feeling judged
3:01 what happens when you decide to walk away
3:50 be ready for the tug-a-war experience
4:30 not being aware of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors can cause you harm
5:15 what you may experience after you walk away
5:36 the thought-feeling-behavior connection
6:45 triangulation and the drama triangle
8:02 VISUAL & EXAMPLE of the drama triangle
10:12 the complex family dynamic intensifies
11:12 conflict is often a re-enactment of trauma from the past
12:07 a family that functions in disequalibrium
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#trauma #tamarahilllpc #TOXICFAMILY
#FAMILYTRAUMA
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Mentioned In The Video:

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DISCLAIMER:
*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
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----Contact me-------(BUSINESS INQUIRIES ONLY)
I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 14 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.

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PO BOX 15747
Robinson Township, PA 15244

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[Vibewithme]

What’s weird is they act like they dnt realize they’re the problem lol

[davidspeck]

Listen to Tamara and don't fall for their ploys: Guilt, Blame, Shame and Obligation. If you need to get away from your family for your mental health, do it!

[StacieTheSweetheart]

All I can say is, when you’re finally FREE … STAY FREE … going back only gets worse!! Been there, done that … still healing.
Literally, they will NEVER change & it hurts but it’s truth !! SAVE YOURSELF! Give them over to God & be at PEACE.

[motivationstartsnow]

Don't let them know where you live or where you work

[Bibleinformationandhelp]

You can tell some family members what a family member is doing to you. The toxic family member has been doing bad things to you for quite some time. Crossing boundaries and other things. When you do tell other family members about the behavior of that particular toxic family member towards you, it's like they don't really take your complaints seriously. As if you should continue receiving bad behavior from the toxic family member. It is insanity.

When you decide to not speak or be around the toxic family member, other family members may contact you to stay in contact with the toxic family member (in some way or form). It's like some people care more about the family image than what you are going through. Which is extremely horrible and toxic. If someone is treating you badly, you need to stay away from them. Don't let others shame you to continue to get abused.

Yes, I agree with Tamara. Family isn't everything.

[fifilafleur]

The less people you tell, the better.

[Jesusisking]

It FINALLY hit me as a successful 62-year-young man that my family NEVER reached out to me and I can't count on one hand how many times they picked up the phone and called me. I can't tell you how free it feels to finally accept that I am FREE from wanting their love or approval. Cutting them off has brought genuine freedom and opened my eyes to how toxic their environment is. I never felt comfortable around them and more than likely drove me to get a master's in counseling😀

[tallchicknvegas]

BIG FAMILY 💖 trust me, it's possible for you to be the ONLY one to have to break away from a toxic family environment. Generational trauma is real. Be sure to work on yourself, like you are now 😊

[BryantBaudelaire]

I literally just walked away from my family and I don’t think they even know it yet! I’m graduating from college this year and my family doesn’t support me in any way possible. They never ask about classes or anything. I left my hometown (Nashville, Tennessee) and literally every single time they say they are coming to visit we will plan out a date and I would take it off and right before them coming they will make up a false excuse on why they can’t come. It’s been going on for years. I’m giving my graduation tickets to my mother in law and step father in law because they are so supportive and always show interest in my life and what I have going on. Never once had to beg them to come and spend time with me. Never once had to bed for love and support and they show interest in me. That genuine love. I’m to the point of a parent calls me I will watch the phone ring and not call back. Last time I seen my father he spoke to me and I walked right past him like he didn’t exist and he started crying. My mother is the narcissist and it’s always someone else’s fault not hers and I’m done. I’m done with the jealousy envy and hatred fake love whatever you want to call it but I’m gonna enjoy the rest of my life in peace and happiness and if someone disturbs that they are out too!

[aliceinwisdom]

I walked away from my parents and my sister ended up walking away from me because she didn’t agree with my decision. She also has bi polar disorder which is clearly caused by a dysfunctional childhood. She can’t even acknowledge her own trauma. Sad.

[donnawheeler]

It has taken my husband and I years to realize it’s okay to have your own autonomy and have boundaries. When we and our boundaries were disrespected, we walked away. We didn’t do it as a punishment. We did it for our sanity and peace! Unfortunately, the family doesn’t get that, but we realized they are enmeshed in their family system that we want no part of.

[benedettaandreoli]

This explains exactly what is going on with my family. I stopped some months ago to talk with my toxic parents. My mom always played the part of the victim...my aunt sent me a message saying that I should call my grandma because she (and all the other family members) are always asking about me. Funny how they started to "care" about me only when I moved to France, but for years they never sent me a message or visited me when I was living in Italy, nor since I'm here in France. I hate the fact that my aunt is trying to make me feel guilty saying: oh you know your grandma is getting really worse with her dementia. It's disgusting...I hate my relatives, especially because when I suffered from depression and my parents were treating me like shit, nobody asked me if I needed any help and they were all supporting my parents

[joelgilmer]

Unresolved childhood trauma, bipolar disorder, alcohol addiction are the issues that plague my family.
But we don’t talk about the real issues. BUT
some how I am the problem .
Enough is enough.

[thebluecollarbadass]

I cut off a lot of people from my life the latest are my in-laws and I’ve never been happier and more peaceful my true family are my wife, daughter, son in law and my grandchildren it’s all I need ❤️🙏🏽✊🏽

[OceanLover]

This is what happen to me. My family has been so toxic and ignorant. Im mixed race and I called my grandma out on the racism that runs in our family and she tried lying about it and I doesn’t remember all the racist things her and other family members have said over many many years. So my grandma went to my aunt and uncle crying victim. The started blowing up my phone. Text message after text message and call after call while I was at work and when I told them I was at work they demanded through text that family is family and that I needed to answer the phone. I’m a caregiver and I can’t just put my client aside to answer the phone. Anyway my aunt (by marriage) sent a text saying I was pathetic. A few weeks go by and my cousin their son who I haven’t heard from in many years calls me randomly and left a voice message saying how he loved and missed me and was hoping to catch up soon. I know they had him call so I’d feel guilty and fall back into the family. He hasn’t talked to me in years because of the horrible things they make up about me. I never called him back. It’s been over a year sense I have talked to any of them.

[lakeishahicks]

My grandmother the matriarch who us supposed to hold the family together has destroyed it. Shes bitter, jealous, angry, manipulative and she hates unity it's so sad 😥

[IvetParris]

I got them all. Finally first time in 38 years I can sleep and breath and I didn't have an anxiety attack in a whole year. My nerve system gave up on me 2 years ago and that was the first time I realized I must find my freedom.

[josea.]

I walked away. Best decision ever. It still hurts sometimes because I miss them but being around them isn’t worth it.

[bridgettetraveler]

U have spoken nothing but the truth. Fam many times are the worst ppl in our lives. I've been so Blessed being away from my DNA relatives. They have been a thorn in my side for many decades.

[lanna]

I walked away from my mother 2 years ago. She went to every one i know explaining why its really all my fault. 😢 .. i never had a dad and loved her very much. I still love her. Problem is she never loved me or maybe just resented us.

This is my question tho. Im divorced and have been single for a few years. When i date someone new they always seem to want to connect me back with her... why? As if its not ok for us to NOT have a relationship. It makes me feel unsafe with them instantly. Am i overreacting??

I feel like people who are surrounded with people who love and support them will never understand growing up in a world where that doesnt exist.