Avoidant Attachment

Let's talk attachment theory!

[catie]

"I would rather leave than deal with that vulnerability" is the story of my LIFE.

[Alixir]

It's closeness that the avoidant creates though! Then they are the ones that push away!

[TadanoCandy]

Very much this but also, in my case, because I know that I’m prone to these issues, I stop myself for a minute like “no, I want this relationship so I’m not gonna run away. I have to deal with my vulnerability and conflict because that’s what’s required for a relationship”. The other day, I brought up a conversation that exposed a big insecurity of mine to my bf. Took me a week of mental preparation, feeling like I wish I’d die so I don’t have to deal with this talk, and a lot of trembling and hyperventilating when thinking of what I had to say, but I did it, and I think I’m proud of myself for that lol

[bennett]

People are waiting for you to open up. do it in your own time but just know somebody's looking for you. being yourself is hard but this sounds even more difficult

[nelliegee]

This hits. I would literally rather leave

[johnolamide]

All true and I'm more likely to show emotions to a complete stranger I know I will never see again than to a familiar person. If I suddenly start to become comfortable and share much with familiar people, I'd be severing ties very soon. However, when a familiar person doesn't mind or judge my distance, I start to lower my guard as long as they keep can keep secrets and are independent.

[Anabelle]

My boyfriend is avoidantly attached. And this is EXACTLY him! He even told me he knows he is avoidantly attached. I am a fearful-avoidant. We both had very traumatic childhoods and these videos really help me understand him better. Thank you ❤

[SpunkyRed]

I learned that people often use the info you share vulnerably against you.

[roxanne]

I'd rather be anything but avoidant. It's like I'm fighting myself all the time. I want to be a good partner and i want to be happy, in love, etc. But i cant, and people on the internet villainise avoidants so theres little ACTUAL advice for me to get better besides "stop dating and stop ruining other peoples lives" :)))
Edit: turns out i was just with someone i didnt really love and they felt suffocating bc they were anxious attached and i wasnt attached at all. I'm in a secure relationship now.

[Pantraa]

Totally accurate.. I’m aware when I think like this it’s not logical but it’s like it’s burnt into my system.. and I know it’s likely from childhood trauma, I can even think of some examples but I just can’t seem to get better I always leave and feel like such a coward afterwards for not being able to force my emotions, be vulnerable, talk, and explain myself. I’m getting therapy soon, I hope this is s step in right direction for myself and anyone else relating to this, you can change!

[MichaelStrawn_I_am]

Close, close. I think the last stage of the avoidant attachment style is to completely get rid of outward and inward emotion; relying on logic rather than feelings.

[mairena]

I WISH I was an avoidant. They seem to suffer a whole lot less during a breakup.

[RaraAviss]

I thought I just had a bad luck in dating, that I didn’t met anyone I could fall in love. Then I met a guy who was almost perfect and I left him anyway. Every word you said is 100% me and it scares me. I don’t know how to change

[fargracingco.]

I miss her so much and I wish I didn’t become so clingy towards the end. Avoidants please understand that you NEED to work on yourself. It’s not healthy to be Avoidant and it’s not healthy to be Anxious like I was. Learn to communicate your emotions and if that is hard that at least communicate your needs with gentle words. As for my anxious people out there, have patience with your emotions and work on being comfortable missing being in people emotional or physical space.

[outtaspace]

I still remember a confession on FB, how confident and showing a lot self love, it’s amazing bcs I can’t do it. Then someone commented, shamed the confessor bcs “it showed too much self confident, too self centered”.
It just remind me of myself whenever i did something good then I always ended up negative comments about myself.

[theonetheycallfear]

It’s kind of nuts that I’ve had all of those thoughts 😂.

[ashleylatson]

I started to become an aware FA. It's one thing to be aware but it takes time for the body to catch up with accepting that being vulnerable it okay. You need about a thousand confirmation with someone to trust that what they say is true. Everyone should work at their own pace. If someone is forcing you to speed up the process is a terrible friend since you have a lot to unpack.

[SwaggyCrusader]

My GF brought up these attachment styles she learned. She knew my up bringing as a kid, (We have known each other a long time) I think we are meant to be together. But my distant style which I think I have she thinks so too, doesn't mix with her anxious style. We are working through it. I have super trust issues and I keep everyone away even long term friends I have known since fifth grade. I am almost 20 now. Yeah bad with words, but, knowing this has helped us.

[jaquieyes]

😂 I feel so validated right now thanks

[CHRISTChrysalisInManhaim]

these inward thoughts...truuuue
but being their partner, how do we respond?... should we leave till they've worked through it in therapy? ..because these " attitudes" are toxic to love itself...like they create a life with you& then slowly destroy it. Trust & communication lacking... flirting/ phantom exe(s)..it's built to fail and hurt both overall.. without therapy I don't think there's hope.