How to Set Boundaries with Your In-Laws

Here are some tips on how to set boundaries with your in-laws when you are about to have a baby.

How do you guys feel about this approach?

While I don’t have any personal experience with this (I genuinely have the best in-laws), I have found this method to be the best when it comes to family relationships. But hey, I could be wrong!

I think it’s important to note, that while it can be frustrating when we feel our boundaries aren’t being respected, we must keep in mind the intention of the other person. Sometimes there are cultural or generational differences that can affect how each person sees things.

So before we get offended or angry let’s ask “what was their intention by this?” That doesn’t mean to let people walk all over you! But it may help in how we approach the situation.

[chrissyhorton]

Hi friends! I wanted to note not all the videos I make are about my personal experiences. I cover topics based on the most popular questions I get on my weekly Ask Me Anything I host over on Instagram. I have been so incredibly blessed with the most AMAZING, loving, and generous in laws and family. And while I can’t relate to those who struggle with theirs, I like to use my platform to offer solutions to help open the lines of communication between family members. I truly do believe family is the most important and a child only thrives when they have more love in their life. However, I wish more people considered the vulnerable time moms experience during postpartum and would show her more understanding and compassion as she navigates this new journey ❤

[maddiebutton]

as a person and not an incubator for their grandchild. that hit!!!!

[ashley-czsl]

My inlaws lost all rights to see my children. My husband and cut them off for not following our boundaries and rules. We told them not to bring them around certain family members when they had them for their alone grandparent time and they did it anyways. We told them no more.

[marisabagley]

My mother in law barged her way into the hospital the day after I gave birth to my youngest. My delivery was rough and I was exhausted. I sent everyone a message letting them know that I wanted to rest and have time and that I would let everyone know when I was ready for visitors. Nope. She just showed up at the hospital. She didn't care at all.

[alabamajenny]

Put a note on your front door. if you have those people that don’t get the message easily.
“Not accepting company—
Please allow us some time alone with baby today.” It works!

[noellehartline]

This is so important! After my son was born, my in-laws insisted on coming to see him even though they were sick. My husband called them to say that we weren’t comfortable with that, and my in-laws did not take it well at all. My husband ended up having a panic attack because of his parent’s response so I needed to handle the situation. I permanently lost respect for my father-in-law that day and the relationship that my husband and I have with his family has been pretty bad ever since. We agreed that the next time we have a baby, we won’t even tell his family until the baby is at least 6 weeks old.

[carolynwheeler]

Years ago, I had friends attempt to drop by unannounced to my house to see my new baby. They tried to buzz themselves in, they called me from the street but I ignored them. I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. To this day I have not regretted making that decision. New Moms and Dads need to take control of these situations as early in their pregnancies as possible.

[Princess_Maya_]

Also boundaries need to be established as early as possible! For example if you know post birth they will not be allowed to visit inform them of that decision as soon as it’s been made. And don’t let someone guilt you into changing your boundaries.

[alexskye]

I don't want to have any children but I told my parents that if I ever had them that they would only be invited for SUPERVISED time with MY children. They would not be invited to the hospital nor could they show up to my house randomly to see the child. Parents are often demanding so you have to learn how to make VERY strong boundaries!

[meganmcspadden]

I love your statement about treating you like an incubator. Ever since I've gotten pregnant my mother in law has only addressed the baby and not me. Statements like is the baby hungry? Or Is the baby cold? I haven't Even had the baby yet. She is stripped me of any personal identity I am just the baby Carrier.

[fridasmit]

I am so blessed with my inlaws. They are so cinsidered, always put child needs first and are the sweetest grandparents!

[SailorYuki]

My now ex husband didn't respect my boundry of going no contact with my mom. He cornered me into meeting her and here we are, 7 years later, divorced and I am finally free to kick that toxic B out of my life again. Not even my son cares to spend time with her. That's how bad it's been.

[gwendolynrobinson]

Ideally, you DO NOT MARRY/CONCEIVE WITH someone who always (or even mostly) sides with their parents and against you. If they hardly ever or never side with you, honestly either they're the problem, or you are. And in either case, it's best to separate.

Obviously this advice is not helpful when you already have a newborn, but hopefully you heed it before it gets to that point. YOU and BABY are their immediate family now, NOT their parents. YOU AND BABY and their new priority, and they WILL abide by your boundaries.

[AllyssaButhmann]

I love my dad’s family, but that part of my family has problems. My dad’s family doesn’t respect or treat “outsiders” the same as “insiders”. This part of my family has a huge vs. them mentality. Growing up, I couldn’t figure out how my mom’s side of family treated my dad like an equal. My mom’s family thought that the “in-laws” were their kids, until something like divorce happened. Even then, my mom’s family was civil and welcoming. On my dad’s side of the family, my mom, uncle & aunt, the significant others to my dad & his siblings were treated like they lucky to be there, and the significant others were tolerated, at best. I had the look at how I did and didn’t want to treat people marrying into the family. When my cousins or my brother got married, and I was able to attend, if the newest family member was pushed out of the photographs or rudely referred to, because of an incident that occurred 10+ years ago, I would stick up for the newest family members. I remember at my brother’s wedding, my aunt wanted a photo of “all the grandkids with grandpa”. My take on that was all of my cousins, siblings, everyone’s spouses, grandpa, and myself. My aunt meant it as my cousins, siblings, grandpa, and myself. I wouldn’t take the picture until ALL the grandkids were included, especially the ones married into the family, like the Bride, and since the best photo was taken on my phone, I refuse to send ones without the spouses in the picture. I will not allow another generation of exclusion just because that person wasn’t “born into this family”. They may not have been born into this family, but they are legally apart of it, and are producing children that share our DNA.

[simplysarahorganizedesign]

I’d they won’t do it now, they might not EVER! This is the issue that literally broke my marriage

[PipeAndHammer]

THANK YOU OH MY GOD.

My mother in law keeps forgetting this is

MY SON.
I'm pushing him OUT. you are not entitled to ANYTHING besides loving them. That's IT. let me be mama, you be grandma mm'k? Mm'k.

[joelysharp]

I'm 7 months rn with my first. My in laws themselves are actually so respectful, not overbearing, and I have no worries about them after birth. But I can't say the same for my grandma in law. It's the first great grandbaby for her and she is obsessed with my pregnancy. She wants to know every little detail all the time is constantly texting me asking questions about my body and baby every week, it's just too much. She started saying things to other people, sometimes even while in front of me, about hoping that I'm not selfish and I share the baby. Like wtf does that even mean? It's my baby, I do not owe you my baby, or need to share him. My husband will definitely be talking with her but I worry that she's not going to be very receptive towards it.

[SashleyStevens]

My family does the same thing. He deals with his family and I deal with mine

[dextermorgan]

I cried…my mom did this with my kids and we don’t speak anymore. I wish I would have stood up to her back then 😢

[PhoenixASMR]

THANK YOU! I don't have a MIL but my FIL does have a wife. My husband and I don't care for her and she knows this. She will only see our child if the child is seeing their grandpa but she's not related and our child will call her by name just as my husband does. She is not grandma or even step grandma. She is just grandpa's wife. He I an awesome FIL tho and has been asking how I'm doing throughout the pregnancy and he is respecting our rules and boundaries. This is his first grand baby so he is very happy