Ten Signs of Covert Narcissism

Narcissism is characterised by a sense of entitlement. They have a need for constant attention and validation, can be very disagreeable and lack empathy for others. Unlike Grandiose (or Overt) narcissists, Vulnerable, sometimes referred to a Covert Narcissists can be more difficult to spot at first as they quite self deprecating, shy and hyper sensitive to criticism.

This video outlines ten of the common signs of vulnerable narcissism including passive aggression, self serving empathy and being in a constant state of misery, and how the behaviours differ from grandiose narcissists.

Other videos you might find interesting:
Did the narcissist ever love you?
What Happens when you ignore a narcissist?
Nine Traits of the Dark Personality
The Dark Empath
What happens when a narcissist loses control over you?
Why do narcissists make their partners jealous?
How Covert Narcissists Manipulate

Please feel free to suggest any topics you might like me to cover in future videos in the comment section.

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#covertnarcissist #vulnerablenarcissist #narcissistrelationship

[danae-rain]

One day I typed into Google " why would someone be cruel to you when you are ill?" . The answer came up because they are a narcissist. I had never heard of a covert narcissist. I always felt sorry for my husband. When I threaten to leave he weeps uncontrollably. Then pulls the same shit next week. If I had understood covert narcissism I would never have married him.

[jamesheath]

A covert narcissist will never forget a perceived slight, insult or a bad deed done to them. They will store it for ever, waiting for their moment to strike back.

[RatedArggg]

My mother was like this. We were born to serve her and make her feel special.

[bereal]

Being around them, everything about them (unless you're doing saying thinking feeling behaving how they want) is negative, negative negative! The way they're able to control from a back seat is phenomenal. Plus they don't have your back! When the rubber hits the road they'll put themselves first, every single time. When they do something for you, there is always something in it for them.

[cassiebennet]

Spot on. This is a perfect description of my husband's behavior. No solution, suggested for their endless problems, is sufficient. They don't want solutions. They want to be miserable and make everyone else miserable in the process.

[bmille]

you said they punish by withdrawing, give you the silent treatment and abuse through neglect by withholding things like attention Spot on.

[shanerob]

Seething rage, contempt and the triangulation and scheming behind my back all while showing a nice face publicly. I didn’t learn he was smearing my name until the very end of the relationship.

[clawdabove]

My mother is a covert narcissist and my brother, the golden child, is an overt narcissist. He's busy turning his son into the next narc in the family. Both my mother and brother have made my life and my father's life miserable. My father is so beaten down by their constant abuse that he sided with my mother when I told her she hurt my feelings. I was disowned for standing my ground. I've gone no contact after counselling and realising that I was the scapegoat in our dysfunctional family. Life has never been better. That constant negativity and drama makes you ill.

[amandaroberts]

It has taken all these years to realize my only brother is one, and at sixty seven is getting worse, so l am going grey rock whenever possible.

[bethatz]

You must have used my ex-husband as a case study. Until recently, I denied he was a narcissist because he didn't fit the grandiose behavior that I thought was the only form of narcissism. Thank you for for informative videos.

[dianemoril]

"vulnerable narcissists tend to live a life of unfulfillment, constant strain and negative emotions."
my ex, in one sentence. I was still wondering but nah... that's it!

[JohnSmith-bmzg]

They have a long memory in regards to themselves, but no memory in regards to you.

[notbill]

Covert vulnerable narcissist wear a mask to everyone but their closest relationships. They save their anger and abuse for spouse or partner. Because their behaviors are not as extreme as a grandiose narcissist, they can stay years in relationships. I realized my ex husband ( of 35 years!) was a covert narcissist only after my divorce when I was in therapy.
It is particularly devastating because almost no one believes you that behind closed doors, he was emotionally and physically abusive.

[kourtenayt]

These people are so hard to spot as they constantly confuse you... I recently realized my best friend of 25+ years is a vulnerable narc. It's a hard pill to swallow but it finally makes everything make sense

[Roswell]

I was worried I was a covert Narcissist (like my mother) but I always felt more like an HSP empath. Then I was diagnosed with Autism, so it all makes sense now! Still trying to tell myself I'm not a narc! I care waay too much about others feelings, but my mother thinks she does too. She doesn't

[swampholler]

It took a long time to realize that creating negative reactions in others, even to the point of being enraged, are just as yummy as positive reactions.
It's just food. Manipulating someone until they lash out is prime rib and baked potatoes.
Then they hold on to that play wound and will use it for the rest of their life.
It's the gift that keeps on giving.

The only feeling might be a Narc wound. Not hurt by the actual criticism, they're perfect after all, hurt that someone tried to be out of their control.

And what I used to see as him being vulnerable, was play acting, an attempt to bring the target back into better control. It was a yummy nugget used to manipulate. Manipulate the person and manipulate others against that person.

I often saw a split second gleam of "Gotcha!" in the eyes, right before the head hanging pain.
Reality, it gave satisfaction.
I had to learn to never react in front of them.

Deeply wounded is not the same as harboring a deep resentment.

I saw that being wounded crap as a way to get sympathy. Extra points if it was from professionals. CN I was thinking of would cry and "I can't take it anymore" then laugh on the way home, "I've got her wrapped around my finger. "

One time he did the look vulnerable, down to the floor, sharing a deep seated secret he was suicidal to a social worker.

She made us take him to ER.
He was eating up the compassion there.
They're admitting him.
I go to get the boys.

Come back.
He's been discharged.
He told me, "It wasn't fun any more."

[theyrekrnations]

Ive got people who know my so called dad and they think he is great, old school biker guy, in a club and everyone knows him. They have even said "I wish I had a dad like you have". I'm like huh? He was never even a parent. He never bonded, he never provided, he only dished out shame and humiliation to me, it's almost like he hated me and wanted to injure me rather than give his child guidance in life. I know first hand what the covert narc is like . They have serious issues. They are very self centered and have no idea what's going on with others

[KaiZen...]

Spot on definitions, thank you for the re-validation. Covert Malignant Narcissist Father is a NPD superstar. Grand in the "I AM YOUR FATHER, DON'T THINK THAT OF ME BOY!" mode, and confused, weak and victimised when the overt control is not working. Exhausting and confusing, no contact from the whole family system for me is the only survival method available. I can only imagine the crimes I am now responsible for in their toxic, cult clan echo chamber. Onwards to healthy respect and love where it is wanted and valued.

[Warwipf]

I've always been wondering if I was a psychopath, but this one fits the bill much better. I'm not sure how to fight this, but I know it hurts me and deprives me of a better life. As a child I wasn't like this, I would like to go back. At least I'm not hurting anyone, I tend to keep to myself for the most part.

[AutumnTrees]

One of the best and most complete and easy to follow summary list of covert narcissist traits I've watched. I appreciate the manner in which you deliver the info as well. Easy going, not over-dramatized. Great video and content. Thank you.