10 Red Flags of the Male Covert Narcissist

In this video, you will learn 10 signs that you are getting into a relationship (or already in a relationship) with a male covert narcissist.

If this video resonates with you, please like, share, and subscribe so that others might find help in it as well! I would so greatly appreciate it. 💜

It's my intention that everyone who watches gets at least one important take-away. 🙏

About Me
Hi! I'm Lise Leblanc. I am a therapist, life coach, and author of 9 self-healing guides. I have over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.

#narcissist, #NPD, #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder, #covertnarcissism

[sarahmeyers]

1. Gets you to feel sorry for them.
2. Love bombing.
3. Ultrafast trust/bonding.
4. Head games; you’re knocked off the pedestal.
5. Gaslighting. They’re the victim.
6. Emotionally cold.
7. Sensitive to criticism.
8. Controlling & jealous.
9. Concurrent disorders.
10. You don’t recognize yourself and can’t tell what’s real.

[flowergirl]

I think the hardest part is the disbelief that they are not the person that you initially thought they were and they so skillfully presented themselves as.

[jolesliewhitten]

My first husband was a Covert Narcissist. I tried to help him be less sad. After marriage, I served him day and night. I paid him room and board. He never consummated the marriage ( because I was “too fat”— I weighed 123 and was 5’8”( Miss America was 5’8” and weighed 126.) I could NEVER please him. I left him. That was the BEST thing I ever did!

[jcnlaw]

Love the video! As an experienced divorce lawyer, narcissists are brutal to divorce. Therefore, vet very carefully and for a long period of time BEFORE getting married. Do NOT fall prey to these predators. I would like to add #11 to your terrific list. The narc will ask very pointed questions about your finances. How much do you earn? How much do you have in savings and investments? How much real estate do you own? They are looking for a target. Don’t let that be you! Stay safe out there!

[karenkennedy]

Looking back at 40 years of marriage with a covert Narcissistic with clear eyes, it’s not always easy.I do not believe I married the wrong person, but old age and sickness, retirement has not been easy for him. I am moving up, very happy in my life, he is going down, his weird thinking can’t figure out life, or me. I am greyrocking, the only way to survive, he is stonewalling, he never loved me, and he starting therapy and it’s my fault. He is so obvious and predictable! I will never let any one take my energy without my permission! I am learning.

[purplefinch]

You just described my entire relationship. Love bombed, cheated on several times and lied too, but they played the victim. They would “be there for me” while cheating on me. I shared my trauma with them. They pretended to be my hero. I am recovering from the emotional abuse and exhaustion. When the mask slipped they admitted to objectifying and using other women as crutches.

[Kristalwalker]

You described my ex to the tee. Since he “discarded” me, I started researching his behavior and discovered he indeed is a covert narcissist from this video. I mean he did and said everything from steps 1-10. Even called me “clingy”. I used to get him everything and he did the bare minimum. I’m laughing because he tried to destroy me mentally. When we broke up, I took everything I ever bought for him and the apartment. He came home to dang near emptiness. Plus the relationship ended in domestic battery. So there is zero contact legally!!! These people are so dangerous!! If you leave…. NEVER GO BACK!!! I fear for my safety and am protected by law and protecting myself.

[josette_napoleon]

They really never go away. They watch over u to see if they can trap u again in the cycle of abuse. Run, hide and never allow urself to be sucked back into their evil life.

[jaggillar]

One thing to clarify: not all apologies are sincere. It is my experience that narcicists apologize when it benefits them but there is usually a qualifier attached or it is just words. Also, covert narcicists are not always generous even during love bombing if they are used to using money as power. I remember receiving the same paperback book for two Christmases in a row when I had spent several hundred dollars on him. He had forgotten and seemed to think it was funny.. That is telling in so many ways.

[Rae-crgz]

100% love that you mentioned “leaving things around that they know will hurt you” wow I feel so validated finally 🙏 that stage was especially hurtful.

[douglaswright]

I am in recovery from abuse from a covert female narcissist, this was very interesting. I had made a ridiculous assumption that male narcissists are likely to be overt.
I have so much respect for anyone who has endured this torture, male or female, I have really not experienced anything that comes close

[thainamoura]

Recently broke up with a covert narcissist, the pull between us was huge. It felt like an addiction, where i couldn't be away from his energy and same from him. Super sad when I realized I felt used the whole time and ultimately he was just lonely. I might have some issue too, since I was naïve and matched his energy.

[TTCberlin]

Thank you for this helpful video. All is true. Another important point I see in coverts is their secretiveness. They seem shy, but its their decision to not share anything too personal with you because they think they hand over power, that shows how messed up how these individuals are. And instead of massive love bombig they can act avoidant in the initial phase, that is testing: will she stay? Then they begin their game: idealization, devaluation, discarding.

[NSEasternShoreChemist]

preamble: getting into a relationship with a covert narc feels like walking into a beautiful pasture...only to later find out it's full of landmines.
1. He gets you to feel sorry for him and makes himself your project. You feel your purpose in life is to help/fix them.
2. Lovebombing: he will idealize you, say you're "the one" who can fix him.
3. He builds trust very fast by acting very humble and trustworthy, asking deep, meaningful questions. He acts inferior to you initially, as that wolf in sheep's clothing.
4. He starts devaluing you because you aren't shiny and new anymore. He compares you to other, "better" people, and making passive-aggressive jabs.
5. Gaslighting. He claims you are victimizing him, and you end up apologizing. You're constantly trying to justify, argue, defend, and explain yourself against the very things he's doing. You're bending over backwards to meet his needs while he doesn't meet any of yours.
6. He tries "suggesting" therapy or "reminding" you how defective you are, and tells you "he's being helpful" while smirking and grinning on the inside.
7. He becomes cold as ice towards you. He demands total compliance with his rules and boundaries, and feels entitled to break your rules and boundaries. If you stay with him, he will throw you a bone occasionally...but you're just a commodity for his cynicism, anger, and judgement.
8. Extremely sensitive to criticism.
9. He is extremely jealous, controlling, insecure. It's his way or the highway. Anything that goes wrong is your fault. He acts like an autocrat.
10. He is likely to be anxious, depressed, or addicted.
11. You feel like a nervous wreck and that you're in a fog. You are the problem. You feel like he hates you.

[ihsanA]

I've literally gone through every single red flag, finally I knew the concept of no contact and did it, so grateful.

[jennifermollett]

I have been in a four year relationship with man with all of these traits. The confusing part for me is that I thought that he had Asperger's. When I look back there were so many red flags but some of note were: 1 Changes in the importance of people in his life - now is back with an old supply and has gone back to the obsessional stage with her. I discovered this because unknown to him she has a public social media page. It appears that people are commodities and interchangeable. 2. Never asked me any questions about myself but talked endlessly about his misery and other peoples wrongdoings. 3 Mean- has never bought me even a cup of coffee yet I spent heaps on him. 4. No respect for boundaries.

[chrisradano]

Lise Leblanc is my personal favorite expert on narcissism. She is very clear and "down to earth" in her explanations. And animated enough to give me the chills. This woman without a doubt knows what she is talking about and communicates extremely well.

[thecalmingspace]

*wanting to change my wardrobe and clothes
*Threatening to cheat if I didn't lose weight
*Trying to hit up his ex girlfriend, while his ex girlfriend wanted nothing to do with him
* Justifying the reasons why he WANTED to control me ( for example, saying things like" you NEED me to control you"
* not respecting or accepting my boundaries

These were some of the reasons I needed to get out of my relationship. He's apparently married now. Good luck to the new supply, it's going to be hard work staying in a marriage with such a dark individual.

[harleyfsbo]

One thing that I noticed bothered (even enraged) both NPD & BPD I’ve known about me and threw them off completely was how self-content I always was and managed to stay through all their abuse. I didn’t get it then but now I know why. It TRASHES all their efforts to devalue you which just deflates their overblown ego pretty fast.

[zion]

Actually, I have met someone with narcissistic traits that was able to receive my feedback and was even willing to admit to certain behaviours when i pointed them out. He also apologised, but they were very insincere and after some time passed he crossed the same boundaries again while he himself brought it to my attention by saying he forgot about them and he crossed them. I think it was the sneakyness of the fake apologies that give him this sense of power. The fact that he gets away with it.