Unmasking Covert Narcissism: Signs to Look Out For

Covert narcissism can occur in anyone, that includes your parents, friends, coworkers, bosses, or significant others.

In this video I discuss the 4 components that make up covert narcissism to help you identify it in others, or perhaps in yourself; these include self-concept, interpersonal, social, and ethical aspects.

Social components - Inferiority, Self-doubt, Feels Ashamed, Fragility
Sensitive to setbacks & criticism.

Interpersonally - Unable to depend or trust others, Envy of others’ talents, possessions, & capacity for deep relations, Lack of regard for boundaries, Disregard for others’ time.

Socially - Nags continuously, Little vocational commitment, Multiple superficial interests, Chronic boredom.

Ethics - Shifts values to gain favor, Pathological Lying, Delinquent tendencies, & Disrespect for authority.

Remember, like all disorders covert narcissism is on a continuum, mild, moderate, severe or extreme. This can be determined by the degree of express of the traits as well as the degree of impairment in socioeconomic dysfunction.

If you feel that some of these aspects are representative of yourself or someone in your life, you may want to seek out a mental health provider to help you explore it to decide next steps.

Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.

He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:

Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.

Citation:
Fox, D. (2018). Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children. WI: Pesi Media Publishing

[kimphan]

They're very good at making themselves look good in front of other people while treating you badly.

[LittleLulubee]

The worst thing is the lack of self-awareness and inability/unwillingness to have empathy. Narcs can hurt people so badly, but because they never bother to put themselves in your shoes, they act clueless about the harm they're causing. But if anyone ever gave them the same treatment, they would be shattered. I've seen this happen, where if someone reacts to their abuse, they act shocked and hurt, not understanding that the reaction was caused by their original bad action. They view themselves as innocent, and can justify every bad deed they do. And if they're knowledgable about psychology, they'll use psychological theories to excuse their behavior. It's maddening.

[leeboriack]

A narcissist uses your empathy
as a weapon against you
and to control you.

[charliedallachie]

These are the worst, they are more devastating because they seem like a good person and gain your trust then tend to backstab you when you least expect it. Especially in the workplace.

[karennaturallyartby]

I like to describe the conflict as a crazy making merry go round. If you start feeling confused and discussions turn into arguments that just go in circles and you feel you’re not being heard and this becomes the pattern, you are quite possibly dealing with a fragile covert narcissist. If it doesn’t feel normal, then it’s not.

[wanderingfree]

My sister is a covert. If you really listen to a covert while they're telling a story, you'll see that in the story they are the heroes and the victim. Its crazy!

[cassiedeehoo]

In my experience. They know what they're doing I can see it in them, they know exactly what they're doing, it's their entitlement.

[Jacks_here]

I was in a relationship with covert narcissist. I ended up being controlled. Nothing was never enough. I once was left to sleep on the floor when I was at my lowest point. In the end I had to somehow beg to be ‘loved’. It took me years to finally let it go. The feeling of loss somehow lingers on. These people.. they put you down and take everything they can get. Avoid at any cost. If you start to feel the signs just go.

[stormaurora]

My ex was a covert and he said everyone in his life needed to be trained, so they would do things properly. He was highly vindictive and said he would wait years to get revenge on someone who hurt him. He was also proud of the fact that he had no empathy. When I first met him, the first few months, I would never have believed he was a narcissist at all, he was so charming and a lot of fun. They are so clever at acting at being nice.

[BlackHatTy]

I never realized my mother was a covert narcissist until I went to counseling. She did some terrible, terrible things to us and never took responsibility. Narcissist mother, alcoholic father...how did I make it this far?

[LTZ_Z]

I've suspected for a long time my wife was possibly a covert narcissist and your videos have more or less confirmed my belief. There have been a multitude of things done over the years, but just days after my dad passed away and knowing I was deeply hurting, she actually said to me "dwelling on his death isn't going to bring him back, just get over it". Followed closely by "you knew this day was coming so him passing shouldn't have been a surprise". Deeply insensitive and a total lack of caring about my feelings were the beginning of the end. I knew at that moment I was dealing with a whole new level of monster.

[StandupGirl-ymey]

All of this overwhelming!! I really just wanna be single forever!!!!

[baileyrogers]

My mouth dropped to the floor hearing you describe this form or narcissism... perhaps it’s really time for me to reconsider my current relationship.

[musiclifegage]

A lot of extremely “narcissistic” individuals are able to maintain jobs. Look at politicians, celebrities, your undeserving manager.... the list goes on and

[bplatonova]

I have many of these traits🤦🏾‍♀️, but I see it and realized its based on childhood trauma. I'm here because I want to change.

[DoopaVII]

Im a covert narcissist, it isn't on Purpose i act this way. I am aware but i catch it late. The lies, my life to other people is not what it really is. My whole life is a lie. Boredom is expensive. I buy so many different things and never follow through, today i want to learn ukulele, tomorrow lets buy a drone, ect ect. Nothing is my fault, i know it is, but back to lies we go. For an example, i crashed my truck while intoxicated. I called 911 and blamed it on a hit and run after i moved the vehicle.
Emotions are wierd. I rarely cry but am always in thought over spilled milk, i get angry over little things because work is hard today, or things keep falling off the table, anything that is inconvenient to me makes me rage out...customer service don't stand a chance. As far as being nice, I'll do things for anyone, im bored and just do it because you asked. Later down the road I'll be expecting special treatment because i did something for you. If i fix your car, run errands for you ect, and you go and invite someone who did nothing for you to a party or something imma get jealous because it wasn't me. This is just snippets of last month for me. We are wreckless, bored, dishonest, and self centered. Some of us know and try to fix it, some of us know and make no effort. There are people who have no idea and just live this way and wonder why the world is out to get them.

[tkemp]

When in a relationship with a narcissist; your problems will never be as bad as theirs so they will NEVER be there for you
You will NEVER be good enough for them! It doesnt matter what you do? They will make sure to find a reason why you didnt make them happy!
If you are sensitive? It will take a VERY long time for you to heal!
As soon as you know they are a narcissist? RUN RUN RUN FAST!!

[slevinrashamon]

Beware the covert narcissist. If they think you are going to leave them, your life may be on the line.
Her subtle questions about insurance and a smirk when I expressed concern for my health later, were actually warning signs. Two days in the hospital saved my life. Never disregard your gut feeling, run.

[GrumpSkull]

3 hours of being in the firing line with a Narcissist requires 3 weeks to be far from them. This simple formula has kept me sane.

[MrDeworDie]

8:00 this is so true. I have a friend since childhood that it took me a long time to see their narcissism. I told him one day that my pregnant wife had just been pulled over by our dog, that was chasing a squirrel, and landed on her belly. I was blown away at not only his lack of concern, but his struggle to not smile. He didn't have anything worse to compare that incident to. So he really struggled to find the right fake emotion to respond with.

It was that moment that I realized he wasn't who I thought he was. Since that veil was lifted he screams narcissist in everything he does, and I've leaned to avoid him as much as possible.

PS my wife and baby are fine thankfully