Signs Your Mother Is A Covert Narcissist & How To Recover

Do you know the signs of a covert narcissist mother? Knowing the traits of a covert narcissist mom and the impact it may have can help you know where to focus to heal and move forward in your life.

In this video, I am going to dive into the 6 traits of a covert narcissist mom and ways to heal.

Narcissism In A Parent | The Signs To Look Out For:

Never Argue With A Narcissist - Do THIS Instead:

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Disclaimer:
This video was created by Barbara Heffernan, LCSW for educational purposes only. These videos are not diagnostic and provide no individual consultation. Consumption of these materials is for your own education and any medical, psychological, or professional care decisions should be made between you and your primary care doctor or another provider that you are engaged with. Barbara Heffernan is not available for individual consultation via YouTube, social media, or email, and provides services only in the manner mentioned above.

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#narcissisticmother #narcissim #recovery

☀️☀️CHAPTERS☀️☀️
0:00 Intro
3:15 Trait 1
5:26 Trait 2
6:31 Trait 3
7:40 Trait 4
10:28 Trait 5
13:04 Trait 6
14:45 The Affect They Have

[HonoluluTita]

Is there any help through therapy for a covert narcissist? Can they really change and realize what they are?

[jspisces]

The relationship you have with your adult children is the grade you get as a parent.

[a.wherewolf]

It was so unfair to be treated this way as a child. I deserved love. I was sensitive. I had a soft heart. And she ate it.

[sidneylowery]

My mom was my biggest bully and supporter. To say that was confusing for me as a child is an immense understatement.

[smeag]

My mom’s favorite manipulation tool was silent treatment. “Love” was always conditional.

[Allaboutbaby]

Summary for myself, hopefully also helpful for others - traits of a covert narcissistic mother:
1. Always the victim and martyr
2. Never admits any wrongdoing
3. Projecting the image of being a perfect mom
4. Can be vindictive and cruel
5. Pathological liar
6. Demands assurance and admiration

[fundamonium]

Being an only child to a narcissist mother is another level.

[stellasole]

It's so weird how they can simultaneously say "sorry" while not admitting any fault/responsibility

[ixpgnwv]

Yep, my mom became my life long project, trying to heal her, help her to identify her trauma all the while believing she'd finally be free to return the love she always with held.
It was all a game, conscious or unconscious a game I'd never win until i walked away

[thomasandcrishellewoods]

My mother spent my whole life telling me (and others) how I was the ugliest baby she ever saw. She would go on and on about she cried for hours when the doctor handed me to her- and that was probably one of the least cruel things she ever did. Sorry for any of you who had to grow up this way. Hugs

[lindalong]

My mom was narcissistic. We five children were raised to be the cheerleaders to her importance. When my oldest son died accidentally 5 years ago, it was the week after mom’s 90th birthday celebration. I couldn’t bear to tell her myself because I knew it would land strangely so I asked my sister to tell her. I called Mom just before his funeral and said “Hi Mom, did (my sister) mention to you that J… died?” Mom replied “Yes, I heard that. Wasn’t that a party!” Referring to her own birthday party. That was the only mention she ever made of his death. “Yes I heard that….”. No card, no curiosity about funeral, nothing…. Because I have done a lot of work around understanding her narcissism and its impact on me, my reaction after I hung up was pure laughter. If ever there was a question of whether my memories and perception of her as a narcissist was accurate, that experience confirmed the absolute truth of it. When your your child’s death becomes about your mother’s birthday party, it’s pretty clear.

[jgarden]

Thank you for this. I felt like you were talking directly to me. My mother played that "I sacrificed card so many times." Once I was older, I asked her, "What did you sacrifice? A kidney?" I told her everything you brag about is the job of a parent, not a sacrifice. I cut her out of my life for good 2 years ago, and I feel clean and happy. These people are not just toxic but also a cancer. I can't believe I survived that woman. I'm 48 now and still healing.

[Mythics]

I’ve always told close friends I didn’t want to be around my mom even though I became her carer and it was hard for me or other people to know why I did it.

Children of narcissistic parents don’t hate their mother, they hate themselves.

[bLueberrySnatcheLpi]

My moms catch phrase has always been “I’ve never said that” I’m 29 now and would still feel confused if it weren’t for my younger brother. Up until I moved out at 16 he thought I was the worst and always picking fights with my mom. Once I was out of the house he was my moms new target. He actually apologized to me when he turned 18 for thinking I was the bad one, he had to spend 4 years with my mother without me being her target. He makes me feel like I’m not crazy!

[Dr.JudeAEMasonMD]

Thank you for validating us. This leaves a gaping wound that no one can see.

She picked me.

_ Sadly, we are victimized twice. Once by the narcissist and again by everyone else who doesn’t believe you._

[happygolucky]

My mom had and still has these traits. She was absolutely cruel to me but I knew she was a bad parent even at age 5. I talked back even when I was young and by the time I was 16 she couldn't push me around.

I had to dissociate and I no longer could feel my sadness anymore. My mom literally beat the tears away and I couldn't cry anymore for many years. I think I started to turn into a psychopath/narc myself. That's probably how this cycle repeats.

I was lucky enough to meet a friend who had secure attachment and had great parents. He showed me what real love and connection looked like. It really sofened me and I think it saved me from becoming like my mom. I hope everyone out there finds a friend or a therapist who can show them love and respect. You deserve it.

[StrongestSkillIssue]

By the time I discovered my mom was a CN my family were living with her, paying all the bills, buying the shopping, doing the washing, cooking, cleaning and having to take her everywhere with us as she wouldn’t stay alone in the house. I had zero independence and my marriage was in tatters. Despite this she still wasn’t happy (sulking in her room for hours…ignoring us…crying staring out of the window) and that’s when I finally realised that nothing I could do would ever make her happy. So I found us a rental property and we moved out. Since that day I have a newfound freedom and level of independence that I never knew existed in me. After years of being told ‘you’re not maternal’ and ‘you can’t cope’ you start to believe that but since leaving I know those things aren’t true. My life is so much richer but I’m sad that it took 44 years for me to realise.

[SMElder-iyfl]

After my mother died, my mouth hurt from smiling as people told me how "sweet" she was. I'll never forget how she beat me black and blue for offenses such as she "didn't like the look on my face". My father did nothing, until he was dying when he apologized to me for letting her treat me the way she did.

[Maiasatara]

“The situation is not likely to change, ” has to be the understatement of the century.

[citytrees]

It's very telling that they go after the person/child who is most empathetic. I had this experience with an elderly woman that I tried to help after her husband died. I moved in with her temporarily to help her with home maintenance, yard work, and selling furniture. I showed her a great deal of empathy in the first 2 months because I thought she was grieving. She wasn't. She demonstrated those 6 traits to a T. I thought I was going insane. Once I stopped listening to her and my only responses were a sharp NO or YES, she backed right off. She got upset that I was 'spending all my time in the garage' and 'keeping secrets'. She didn't really want help with physical stuff - she just wanted constant attention and a victim. I moved out as quickly as I could and haven't spoken to her since. I can't imagine what it would have been like to be her daughter.