Narcissistic Adult Children: The Betrayal & Deep Pain They Cause

In this video, I talk about the betrayal and deep pain caused by narcissistic adult children. Understanding this will help you grasp the devastating impact of their actions and why they inflict such emotional harm. This empowers you to protect yourself, set firm boundaries, and heal from the damage they've caused, allowing you to move forward with strength and clarity.

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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 10,000s of people heal from family dysfunction and become the true self they were never allowed to be. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he leverages 45 years of experience to help clients permanently break free from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a strong sense of self.

****DISCLAIMER: THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED TO SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. BE SURE TO CONSULT A PROFESSIONAL TO HELP YOU INTEGRATE AND UTILIZE THESE CONCEPTS.****

[jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇

[donnetted]

It is a continuously heartbreaking experience.

[TheWaterlily]

This is something hardly anyone talks about. Thank you for addressing it. It seems everyone under the sun is talked about when it comes to narcissism and they always leave out the child narcissist and what that does to the parents or the one parent who is not a narcissist and was bullied and treated horribly by both the spouse narcissist and child narcissist.

[sjlmdth]

Thank you for this message because I have a adult daughter and she has hurt me to my core because I trusted her. I have a narcissistic mom and daughter. I almost lost my mind until I started cutting off all the negative people in my life more content on this subject please this is an untapped subject matter

[cloisterene]

It only takes one narcissistic parent to turn children against the other parent who is not a narcissist. Many children psychologically imprint on (or identify with) the narcissistic parent (who actually grooms them as accomplices in their games because they're forever warring against their target for abuse), joining up with them in the narcissistic abuse of the innocent parent who they treat as a scapegoat. This can happen when the narcissistic parent is domineering or overbearing and the mentally healthier parent is rather meek, passive or introverted.

[cheralyse]

I so appreciate this video on narcissistic children. It's about my only daughter . . . I have struggled for years now trying to create (recreate) the loving connection we had when she was a girl. The pain is
non-ending, mind boggling, life sapping. And I am a mental health worker!!! I've tried many modalities to continue with my life - alone. Anti depressants allow me to sleep and block crying bouts. Anger helps also. I am a good person. When she had her two babies, I cared for them, bought them clothes and baby gear, sponsored a baby shower, etc. etc. before being cut-off with
no explanation, I could go on and on, but I know you know the pain with which I live. Just to hear
this video is so validating. Thank you from my heart.

[MelissaWallaceArt]

My husband and I adopted siblings at 8 years old and 15 months old. Both have grown up with the narcissistic behaviors you describe in this video, and they haven’t just impacted us, the parents, but also the siblings. Ironically, they even turn on each other with these behaviors. I appreciate the insight you gave as to why some children grow up and develop narcissistic traits. Even with counseling, we were unable to avoid the negative outcomes that I believe were influenced by trauma and biology.

[michelepascoe]

Golden child of a narcissistic grandmother can be trained to treat their parents this way, with contempt and hatred, and enjoying their despair.

[IzabelaWaniek-ix]

Thank you for sharing your spot on observations and giving supportive advice Jerry. It’s so painfully true.

[barbarawolfsong]

Thank you for this video. I am a 75 year old mother of a 50 year old man who has recently had a major melt down that ruined his life . . lost his job, home, and ended up in jail for a gun incident. He used to demand money from me for years and I gave it to him when I could . .. I remember when he threatened me with a gun and demanded money that I did not have. He was in his 20s then and that is his excuse . . He terrifies me. He stood on my porch, recently, screaming that I was the shittiest mom that ever existed . . . I was . . . . I spoiled him. He got everything he wanted in his childhood . . he was never disciplined . . . I just wanted to be a mother that was the opposite of my mother . . who scapegoated me as the oldest daughter to protect herself from a very aggressive husband, my dad. I was constantly punished and belittled and blamed . . I just wanted my own kid to have a different upbringing so he became the golden child. Unfortunately, my son is still a heavy burden to me. He never really grew up.

[larragunn]

Please do more on the particular issue!! Everyone blames parenting, I admit I wasn’t a disciplinarian but I seriously don’t think it was only that…but thanks for some information about this

[Salomão-ym]

This topic was very unique. You’re even helping the parents who sadly have the reverse situation. You are a commendable therapist Dr. Wise.

[denizen]

My sister was the golden child, and I was the scapegoat. She is very narcissistic now. She has lived at home most of her life, she is 36 now. She moved her spouse in with my narc mother and enabler father. When I brought this up as being unfair, bc I was discarded by them 3 weeks after my spouse died, as unfair and not setting my sister up to succeed in the world, they gave me my final discard just because I brought up the topic. I spent most of my life thinking Im worthless, something is wrong with me and Im not loved or deserving of love. However, learning about this topic has taught me I was taking all the blame for my parents treatment of me. As an adult learning to heal, I feel it is a blessing to be the scapegoat. I get to escape and have the opportunity to heal and find and have healthy friendships and relationships and I know the difference. I no longer believe about myself what my parents taught me to believe about myself. My sister will remain trapped, and when they pass, then what?

[PCAGA]

This is the most painful thing for a parent.

[cellosong]

Jerry, your videos and deep understanding are a gift to the world. Thank you for all the positive help you provide for people who have narcissistic people in their lives. I think your message about consciously shifting responsibility onto the shoulders of the narcissists at every turn is extremely important. It forces them to grow up - at least to the extent that they can. Narcissists need to experience the full force of the consequences of their decisions.

[dr.dalemurnane]

Jerry! I am profoundly grateful to have 'stumbled' upon your channel and I intend to follow your checklist to help me: The Scapegoat! You are calm and sincere and a very big support! Thank you!

[Heathermathewhandhearts]

Thank you so much for this! I have been told by several therapists over the years my daughter is either NPD or BPD. I lie awake wondering often what to do. I am giving space and trying my best to let her live her live even with the destruction she is causing and I’m learning I don’t have to choose to participate until I am treated better.

[hollypuga]

I don’t want my only child to think that I don’t care about her or my grandchild. So in almost 2 years I’ve sent 2 cards other than that ~ no contact.
It’s painful and I’m not sure what to do at this point as it was her choice to block me without a “why “ and what I read on these posts is just run 😢
Thank you for your support

[VickiWells-lgub]

Thank you ! So many blame parents for these narcissists. I married a covert and my children saw Him with all the power . I have four grown children who are cookie cutters of their father. I can’t even describe the pain of this betraying cult system . I gray rock and have gone no contact. I have grandchildren who are adults now that I have taken care of from infancy so parents could work their jobs . They treat me with the same distain I am no longer catering to any of them . I haven’t seen any of them in years . I have so much more peace now . Thank you for this truth .

[avdhutcrazzypapajiboy]

this video literally came in the perfect moment in my life, love you