When did the issues with your narcissistic siblings start?

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[princessprincess]

It starts from jealousy . Jealousy is not a good thing .

[sherona]

Yes, from day 1, she hated having a sister and I can't even begin to tell you how vicious and vile she is. I was just a punching bag for the whole household. It was a great injustice. This year I have finally gone no contact. Thank you.

[judem]

My father's favorite saying was, "Just give her what she wants so she'll shut up." Me, crying: "But it's mine. Aunt Julie gave it to me for Christmas." It was taken from me and given to my sister. Always.

[TheFairlia]

It was always a difficult relationship and in adulthood it just worsened.

[robertaastolfi]

My narcisistic sibling was difficult towards everyone, but when we fought, the other family members would go "oh, these two...". That felt so unjust.

[malloryflagg]

I have never felt more validated in my entire life. I thought I was alone in my struggle. I am sorry people feel like I do. Honestly, it is like grieving without loss. It sucks so bad.

[elizabethfraser]

The expectations from other people that I SHOULD be tight with my siblings is the worse !

[Nina-vvev]

Usually the narcissistic parent makes one hate the other for no reason... The scapegoated child is bullied by everyone & the gaslighting never stops... The narc sibling enjoys tattletelling on you, about stuff that never happened... you are punished daily & beaten.... its super fun!

[Anoppinion]

As children. I never saw my sister as narcissistic before 1 year ago. To be shouted at, given names, silence treatment and blamed - i thought was just normal... i shrug it of. But in therapy I realised it has had a huge effect on me.. and can explain why I am full of self hate, constantly questioning my decisions. Traumabond kept me loving her.

[erichamilton]

The doctor assumes the older child is the narcissist, but just the ipposite can happen too: a dominante domineering and manipulative younger sibling encouraged and enabled by parents as they are perceived to be weaker. I suffered a lot growing up under the "reign" of a 4-year younger brother. He was a Major reason for my leaving home at 18.

[stillaworkinprogress]

I can't remember a time in my past when I wasn't walking on eggs around my older sibling. This sibling was and is incredibly charming to those whom they admire, and quite subtle & cutting in their put downs of folks/relatives they don't care for. It's like getting constant little cuts and jabs - and bleeding out from those cuts and jabs over time. Unfortunately, this sibling has been able to triangulate making me the scapegoat and causing strain between myself and my other sibling.

[MetalHead]

I’m currently experiencing this with my younger sister, she is baiting me to get mad, I’ll call her out and then she’ll blame me and accuse me of doing the thing that I called her out on. It’s honestly scary to witness this unfold and I plan on going no contact as soon as I get out of here. Im nothing more than the family punching bag and she has her hooks into the parents so nothing I say matters.

[morganbrown]

Going low/no contact with my narc. siblings has been a sanity saver. I realized that I was dreading family functions, and started feeling anxious when the Family Group Texts would start. Then the "Oh you're just too sensitive!" accusations were thrown, again, at me. If you google that word salad, you get: Toxic Family! I took steps to distance myself, and have no regrets, except that I bought into their BS that being "too sensitive" just meant "normal and having empathy" and waited waaaay too long to set boundaries! Thank you Dr Ramani for all your wisdom and support.

[angiep]

A long long time ago & my parents just told me to ignore her "you know what she's like". This has meant over 40 years of being treated badly & controlled by my sister & parents because I didn't want to upset my parents. I got told by my sister I've ruìned our parents lives by spending too much time with them. Covid lockdown hit & she jumped in to control their lives. This is such a difficult subject that no one talks about. Thank you Dr Ramani for your wisdom.

[CH-]

My older sister hated me from the moment I was born. I’m almost 40 now and she still makes my life hell! I’ve always been told to ignore her. It’s never been telling her to leave me alone or stop being a psycho. NOBODY has ever protected me from her abuse- every form of abuse you can imagine & for my entire life. (I have had 3 broken bones in my life- my sister did 2 of them beating me. She never was punished for either of those)
I went no contact for 4 years (the entire family was no contact- expect our codependent mother), my sister was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer (given 6-12 months & that was 3 years ago), my mom guilt tripped the entire family into letting her back around, but she’s still the same psychopath she’s always been. A month ago I finally told my sister to FOAD and that I won’t even waste my precious time to spit on her grave.

I’m of course the bad guy and I truly don’t care if I ever see or speak to any of my family ever again- if it means I get to keep my peace and wellbeing.

[BT-rrlj]

When I was 4 my arm got broken in some roughhousing with my older siblings in the backyard. For many years, the family stories were about how our dad beat our brother up when he got home, how the doctors at the hospital asked our mom uncomfortable questions to assess if it was an abusive situation, how it'd been a great game until I had to go and get hurt, how I woke everyone up the night crying while my arm was in a cast. It took me decades to realize how it all added up to me causing problems for everyone else. Not one anecdote included comfort for a hurt and scared little girl.

[terimitchell]

My mom & younger sister are narcissists. This describes my childhood perfectly! My mom picked me for the majority of her bs games & my sister is the golden child. As soon as she was old enough to pick up what was going on, she followed suit. She would start things or set me up. Then cry, I would get hit, grounded or things taken away & when I said what she did, she’d lie. I haven’t spoken to her in 15 yrs. She picked a pedophile over me. I just ended the relationship with my mom 6 mos ago as she kept taking my sister’s side & no matter what, I’m to blame so I’m just done being the family dump site.

[gingermaynor]

Yes, the relationship with my sister was always difficult even as kids. I was younger, and just always knew if I went along with whatever she said and never asked my parents for anything different, it was smoother. When I expressed anything of my own, I got hatred from all of them and zero support. I went No Contact four years ago. Best thing I ever did.

[dianasullivan]

For as long as I can remember! She’s awful. Throw in a narcissistic parent and the other parent tending to my sister, I was left having to figure life out on my own. 40+ years into life and I’m just finally figuring out what ‘normal’ families and relationships should look like.
Thanks for this one, Dr. Ramani.

[stephenestall]

I'm in my late seventies with a narcissistic sister five years younger than myself. After a lifetime of coping with her dishonest, manipulating, high-drama, I have recently gone no contact which has meant losing touch with her daughters (my nieces) as well. My sister is a classic case of NPD, becoming more toxic with age, She was, perhaps, a demanding child, and now looking back, I can see that the signs of her NPD were apparent in her early teenage years.