The fate of the brainwashed child

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[MatthewMacLennan]

I am a brainwashed child. Sided with my parents all the time. Never held them accountable. Enabled them. Codependent. Also golden child. Denied there was anything wrong (with them, with me). Developed my own set of narcissistic patterns. Denied there was anything wrong my whole life. My wife saw it, others saw it, I didn't. Because of my wife, I started going to therapy, developed some emotional sense, reconnected... I've been grieving for half a year now. Every "normal" family event now causes grief... it's just not what I thought it was. But it's so much better to be on this side of it... on the side of truth.

[NarcSurvivor]

The narcissist will brainwash the child until it thinks just like they do. The child becomes the narcissist’s flying monkey.

[Emily-pkye]

I was a brain washed child - my whole childhood was spent serving my mother. I was never allowed to grow up and leave her control. I've lost years. The grief is huge. I don't belong anywhere anymore.

[AnneLeighton]

This describes neighborhoods where everyone's afraid to stand up to bullies, and they think it's alright to bully a truthteller.

[valient]

I was the brainwashed child. It took decades to realize this, but I made it out. When you’re the youngest child and under the influence of a narcissistic parent from birth, it’s hard to break that bond, but it can happen.

We are not bad people, just victims of Stockholm Syndrome. Please be patient and have some empathy. Thankfully, I was able to walk away from this nightmare scenario

[reshmiesharma]

I called out my Narcissistic partner for gaslighting the other day and he in-turn called me "judgemental". These guys are straight out of Satan's kingdom.

[moniquejackson]

It feels like I was brainwashed in my preteen years, but it feels more like I learned denial as a primary coping mechanism in a multigenerational, highly narcissistic family. I remember thinking I had a great, loving parent and family when the opposite was the truth.

[jordie]

I had to almost die before I realised I was a brainwashed child.
Narcissistic parents are killers, and I didn't want people to comfort my murderers at my funeral.

[cultbaby]

I was a brainwashed child. Three things took me out of it:
1) My mom did something so horrible, I couldn't justify it.
2) I went to therapy for a different issue and realized how much my mom was hurting me. I started my sessions with, "I love my mom. She's awesome. But she did something that upset me..."
3) When I knew something was wrong, I asked my scapegoat brother, "Does mom ever seem crazy to you?" He said, "YES!" and we had a long talk, where we realized Mom had been lying to us about the other to turn us against each other.

I stayed brainwashed for as long as I did because it was too painful to acknowledge that my mom didn't love me. Instead I put the blame on myself and thought if I tried harder, if I said the right thing, I could finally earn her love.

[SusanKG]

I definitely think the brainwashed child has narcissistic tendencies as well. They won't call out the abusive behavior because they are in alignment with the dysfunction. They excuse the narc parent because they are vibrating at the same frequency. It is incredibly devastating to stand alone against an entire family of such soulless vampires. Best to go no contact, grieve the loss, and move forward.

[jarista]

Until the narc turns on the brainwashed child. Then they temporarily talk trash with you about the narc parent only to turn on you days later out of guilt and shame. Such a messed up dynamic. I’ve been burned too many times by my brother this way.

[alienlizardqueen]

It sounds like the brainwashed child strongly identifies with the narcissistic parent, either due to sharing narcissistic traits with the parent or as a survival mechanism similar to Stockholm Syndrome. It can be hard to learn ego differentiation as an adult when you had not been allowed to develop into a separate person. The inclination to empathize with difficult people to anticipate their emotions and needs, so as to keep them from hurting you can be a tough habit to break. This multi-generational pattern keeps adult children enmeshed with their parents, with the child acting as best friend and servant to their parents. The adult child is living in a FOG of Fear, Obligation, and Guilt (credit to Susan Forward for the acronym).

[merryweather]

I grew up totally isolated in my own family. I was a brainwashed golden child. I was only noticed for being well behaved and compared to my sisters. I haven’t seen my eldest sister for 4 years. That was at the funeral of my middle sister. Who I had not seen since my parents divorce 30 years ago.
My mother hung on to me kept me stuck with her until I was 51 years old. I had a breakdown and couldn’t look after her anymore. I finally got my own place and life. Then I got a narcissist partner who tormented me for 3 years.
I am away from him now and I can see now what a mess my life has been. I feel so sad.

[FreedomProjects]

I’m the “Awakened Brain-washed Child” — and fortunately I woke up at 68yrs old when narc betrayed me. Thank You for giving me the language that describes the role I played as I heal! 🙏

[Preppyswirls]

I woke up from the brainwashing 3 years ago and had a huge breakdown. It has been quite a climb, facing hard truths, I was an enabler, I couldn't make a decision without my Dad's approval. Now I am self-actualised.

[happyflower]

This describes my oldest sister— toxic enabler, brainwashed, Pollyanna and defender of our brutally violent and verbally abusive father. She blames his behavior totally on our mother. She even enables our deceased father’s narc wife. And my sister is 70.

[melissamartin]

You described my sister's relationship with my parents perfectly.

[Mel.H_]

I was 100% the Brain Washed Golden Child. Lucky for me I've always been naturally curious about psychology and as far back as I can remember I always inherently knew something was wrong with my family. Almost 7 years ago I finally ✂️cut the umbilical cord (my words) and I have been going through ALL the stages of grief, letting go of a family I thought "loved" me. It's been wonderful and terrible. It's like I'm a teenager again at 41 years old. Seriously what it feels like to break free from that abuse at the age of 35.
I'm so thankful for you Dr Ramani. I'll say it over and over you definitely saved my sanity! I love you!!💖

[yvette]

The brainwashed siblings doesn't just "sorta kinda re-traumatize, " this is what they live for! I've placed each of their phone numbers on "block" indefinitely and my life has been stress free.

[nidhisingha]

Seems like you just described my brainwashed child just now. I’m an alienated /target parent, who suffered under my narcissist spouse for 20 years. But my brainwashed child just doesn’t see it. For him, he was the best and saw the best interest for everyone. I’m just waiting for the lightbulb moment for him and my younger one