The Heartache of Having a Narcissistic Child

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[TheForestCrone]

I have a message for parents of adult, narcissistic children who are abusive. Two things that have become very clear to me: It doesn't matter who it is that's being abusive, you must go no contact. Another very clear thing: I did not cause this. While I do think abusive parenting can cause personality disorders in children, I know that my parenting did not cause this disorder in my son. My son was loved, cherished, and brought up to be emotionally intelligent through gentle parenting. His genetics overcame all of that. His siblings are wonderful, caring, compassionate human beings. He was born this way and despite 20 years of intense help, rescues, resources, bail-outs, and money for treatment he refuses to do anything to be better. I'm convinced narcissism is genetic. My father was diagnosed with NPD, and my son also has NPD. After more than 2 decades of abuse, threats, theft, broken promises and violent outbursts we went no contact with my son. I'm absolutely in therapy trying to process all of this. I hope society and the therapist community comes to a place of not automatically blaming the parent. Please, parents, be gentle and loving with yourself! Our parenting mistakes here and there don't cause NPD. This is inherited, genetic, and YOU can't fix it.

[Stacy]

I have a narcissistic son who has alienated me from my grandson. In my healing journey from codependency, I came to realize that I needed to cut ties with my narcissistic family members, including my son. Holding on for breadcrumbs was just too painful.

[janebuchanan]

It's like being emotionally eviscerated when you're attacked by a narc child. It's an emotional pain that I can't express.

[jillbutton]

My daughter was such a sweet girl growing up, unfortunately her narcissistic father, whom I divorced, somehow changed all her memories to a bunch of lies. This girl, whom I don’t recognize anymore, has become highly skilled at manipulating those around her. She had joined forces with my sister and turned my parents against me. She’s cruel and heartless, I find it so hard to believe the sweet, loving girl who cuddled with me every night, has turned into such a monster. She’s no longer my child. I don’t know this person that does such horrific things to hurt me. Lonely and painful is an understatement. I’m having difficulty functioning from all the pain. I’ve lost my entire family and will always blame myself for not having left my ex earlier, if I had, she wouldn’t have turned out this way. It’s like grieving for the loss of a child that no longer exists.

[barbaraclaytor]

This hurts beyond anything imaginable...

[TheFabricTeapot]

I'm at my end.
I don't want to give up on my adult child, but, I can't give up on myself either. I need to protect myself.

[nrivera]

The day I realized that my adult daughter wasn't going to change, was that day I said, "I'm done." No further communication from me proved to have saved me from an entire life of grief. I'm missing out on a lot, but I'm happy, mentally healthy and in peace.

[fiction]

After my Granny passed, her sister told me years later, that she would often cry about how her son and his wife (my mum) treat her. They didnt really care for her, but enjoyed spending all her money. she lived upstairs in our house but could barely walk stairs, so she barely ever came out of her room. And she felt so hungry every morning, from 5 AM on, as my parents slept in til 9.30 daily. She had to ask me to bring her food from the kitchen every morning around 7 when I got myself ready for school. I totally forgot that until my Granny's sis reminded me of that fact. I ran up and down the stairs for coffee, cheese, bread etc for her and didnt even think about it because I loved her. It was so natural for me to help her. And she would sob " what have I done wrong with my son?" To her confidant. I am sure that he broke her heart in the worst way. I hated him for other reasons, but for making the sweetest most loving Granny cry, I hate him even some more. And my mum too. I do love her but I somewhat hate her for being so egocentric and unkind, unloving. Man remembering all that really sucks. 💔

Also, seeing her in pictures, smiling als a young woman but never smiling in her old age, really makes sense now. This lady lost 2 children during WW2 and treated her third child like a prince. She loved him dearly and he turned out to be an irresponsible bad character person. What a shame it must have been for her. And an incredible disappointment.

Sorry for writing so much but my Granny is my soft spot. 😅

[Selah]

Thank you for qualifying a mother's emotional pain and deep hurt. - I read many of the comments and realize I am not alone. My heart goes out to all parents who have lost a child to narcissism. Death would offer closure...narcissism only causes endless pain and suffering for both parties.

[iaintdoingit]

My daughter is 42 and we haven't spoken in over 10 years. Yes, therapy is a must and don't think for a minute that it's not needed. The worst for me is loosing a daughter that is a live. My son passed away at 26 after a long illness and that pain is so different. It's like a double knock-out blow, each blow landing in a different area in the head.

For the parents that are starting this journey -- you are not alone. There are many that have gone a head and have learned to live each day to the fullest. Again, therapy is a must.

Will I ever see or hear from my daughter? Probably not and if I do, I will protect myself before protecting her. Do I love her and miss her? Yes and yes. Do I know her after all these years? No. Would I try to reconcile? Yes, with therapy only! Best of luck to each of you in this muck of life. Let the tears flow when needed and don't forget that you are a human being with purpose.

[NarcSurvivor]

The hardest thing is that you may feel guilty and responsible if your own child is narcissistic.

[karenstauffer]

Its scary when a narcissist lies to try to get a parent in legal trouble as well as alienate their friends with horrible accusations.

[leighhamilton]

I'm in year 5 of estrangement by my only daughter who is now 41. It took a while, but I am finally, mercifully and unapologetically indifferent to her. That's the only way to heal.

[wholoveshunt]

I learned on my own that walking away from my son and his family was the salvation to my mental health. I was tired of being blamed for cloudy weather.

[CovingtonChronicles]

Having to completely let go of a harmful, shadow-dwelling narcissistic child as a matter of self-preservation truly hurts at the womb level, but not as much as the pain of letting them snuff out the Light within you. If you’ve done all you could to cultivate a loving relationship with them, gave it your all (almost!), then guess what? There was nothing more you could give and still have a Self. So hold your head up, allow time to heal, and move on in the knowledge you gave the best of your love. You kept your promise to be a good parent and that's something you can live with.

(And nevermind whether or not anyone else understands. Live your truth!)

[trainingspeaking]

There is never enough information on narcissistic adult children. It’s not only painful to realize your daughter is narcissistic, it’s also maddening to deal with her behaviors. I’m very sorry that parents experience this type of abuse.

[donnabramante]

This was divine timing... Thank you and all who have commented. I thought I was crazy and somewhat alone and a bad person. Nope no way not anymore.. I'm done!

[perdidoatlantic]

So much truth said. My narc brother has spent decades ruining and damaging people. He killed his father from the stress of dealing with him. His mother has spent her life literally following him from place to place paying his bills, child support, rent, car payments, etc., while he rages and screams at her. He has abandoned his children more times than I can remember. He has been in and out of mental wards after police encounters. He has spent his life defrauding women of hundreds of thousands of dollars, threatening to kill people, killing someone, stealing cars, burglarizing homes (of family and friends). I could go on and on. I’m the only person to ever stand up to him and I’m considered the bad guy in the family. My mother wrote a letter to me one time to tell me I’m a bad brother because I called out one of his financial scams (I wouldn’t send him $3000 for “attorney fees” for a non-existent attorney). To this day the elders in my family think it’s better to just let him have his way all the time. You cannot win with narcs. Cut them out completely in every way.

[childofgod]

I unfortunately, am a mother to what I believe to be a covert narcissistic adult child. When I had a therapist, I would share stories with him on the bad deeds my child would do. He often hid the tears that weld up in his eyes because what my child would do was so disrespectful and mean. At the time, I always had hope that my child would change. After years of trying and offering to go to therapy, so we can work on our relationship, (the offer was declined) I finally, after YEARS of waiting, gave up. I FINALLY understand, that no matter what I do it will never change. One thing that will change, is my boundaries. I refuse a relationship, unless there is a therapist that can tell me, my child is not a danger to me anymore. Until then, I will pour all my love into the grandchild that I was blessed with. No more waiting. I am rotting away while that child lives with no care in the world. No, thank you! Now, I live my life for me! If you are in the early stages of waiting for your child to change. I highly suggest you change your mindset because while you wait, your time is ticking away. Better yet, be like them and be selfish. Enjoy your LIFE and the MONEY you would’ve left them, had they been good kids! God Bless each and everyone of you! ❤ we only live once, enjoy your life to the fullest!

[JH-lspg]

This topic hits home. My only child is a 40 year old. I noted a change in her sweet personality in her late teens when she started dating her now husband. Since then she uses all the classic traits such as gaslighting, has no empathy, is entitled etc etc. Her kindness came back briefly when she was having her two kids and needed my help. She encouraged the relationship with the grandkids and I saw them multiple times a week, developing strong loving bonds. As soon as they got a bit older (5 or 6) the verbal abuse started up again and she cut me off from them. With therapy I can deal with this but I worry about the effect on my grandkids. It’s a sad, sad situation.