Are YOU Codependent? 7 ways to heal from codependency.

Codependency... a hot topic and one that I hear and see so often in patients, research and in the comments. Whether it be a codependent relationship with your mom, or a significant other whether that be a boyfriend or a girlfriend, a friendship, or a relationship at work - codependency can be involved in any and all of our relationships. So let's talk about what codependency is or what a codependent relationship looks like, signs you're in a codependent relationship and then how to heal and recover from a codependent relationship - no matter who, everyone from your mother or a narcissist partner. What has your experience with codependency or in a codependent relationship been like? I would love to hear in the comments. How did you heal from it?

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[Katimorton]

Have some helpful links in the description, including more related videos & a link to my new boundaries workshop so that you can be better at setting and sticking to them! ❤

[rebeccaoprea]

Codependency is an unhealthy idolization of others and also feeling incomplete without them .

[tessah.]

I'm like an empty, lost puppy when my husband is at work. I've realized instead of combatting this with work I need to work on my emptiness.

[wendydaniel]

Codependency is like always setting yourself on fire to keep the other people warm. ❤

[JEEPBABYB]

I didn’t realize how badly codependent I truly am 😢.. I feel the need to be in a relationship and I’m clingy I didn’t understand I have always tried to ‘help’ others and I always felt the need to help help help others no matter how it effects me and usually it was overwhelming to me..I didn’t realize that I may be ‘helping’ to make others like or accept me 😢I didn’t realize that … I do notice I am changing myself to be accepted by others

[shreyaroymahapatra]

As someone going through a breakup currently, this is just what I needed. Now I finally see the fallacies and where I went wrong in my relationship, alas a little too late. Thanks Kati for the video.

[mockingmoniker]

I once met a lovely woman who quickly became totally obsessed with me. I could tell really quickly that she was desperate to make someone love her. She was fine, but I felt hopelessly engulfed in her love. She made a plea to me out of the blue in a near panic. I change the relationship to a friendship. I think she was relieved. I nudged her to get into therapy. She had garbage boundaries and worked to slave away for her mother and others, and totally neglected her needs. It was painful to watch such a young woman throw her entire life away for nothing of value just to feed her mother who can't get a job.
She did go to therapy. After paying for her mother and working so hard, she barely had money and time for it, but the therapist was greatly helpful. The therapist referred to her some books and even recited some points I made to her. The problem with being a people pleaser is that it scares people so they push you away. That makes the person double their efforts and blame themselves. Learning to take care of yourself and focus on yourself gives others freedom to like or dislike you. That let's them like you. They feel happy to be around you. She got a lot better.

[Azzne-]

How do you not need others? I can’t seem to figure out how to be independent and have validation/reassurance come from inside me. Idk. It is really lonely but I’m trying to learn how to accept the feeling. It seems like everyone else can manage it so much better than me

[princesschelsea]

It seems obvious now, but I never really thought about the OTHER person when it comes to my codependency. What I mean is I thought I was the one who was 100% at fault for everything. Watching this video made me realize that as I lean into my codependency by taking care of my boyfriend, he leans into it too by expecting me to take care of his needs and wants because I took a more mother role than girlfriend role. I need to put up much stronger boundaries, but I also need him to lean on himself (which setting my boundaries will force him to do). I’m realizing that my behaviors have put some behaviors in others into motion. So if I want him to use the laundry basket, I need to stop picking up his clothes as he throws them all around the house 😅 I have a lot of work to do, but I’m motivated now!

[isa-qglp]

Around a month ago, me and a codependent friend said we needed a "break" from our friendship. At the beginning of the month, I felt betrayed when she skipped my birthday and made me out as the problem despite her being the one skipping an important day to me. I didn't want to lose her, so I totally gave into her. She ignored me for a week without explanation. After we talked again, at the end of the month, she told me things that hurt me severely, so I told her I needed a break. For a while, I felt free, because I cut someone out of my life who didn't actually like me the entire time; she wanted my attention. She wanted someone she could always talk to and rely on emotionally. She wanted someone who was willing to show her new people, when she'd never show me hers. Today I randomly thought about her and felt a pit in my stomach. I remembered the times our friendship was nothing but fun, bonding, and not having a care in the world or having any problems with each other. When life got stressful, she hurt me. It's gonna take me a while to get better, but I'm going to invest more in the other friendships I have and my boyfriend. Codependent friendships always crash and burn.

[halliemyers]

I'm in a complicated just friends/definitely into each other relationship. This is the closest thing to a romantic relationship that I have ever had and I am learning so much about myself. I worry about him constantly, I worry that I am annoying him, I want to make sure he is ok 24/7, I prioritize him over everything. I had no idea that I struggled with codependency until now and I am so thankful that I realized it. I'm excited to get better and I'm hoping that things work out well between us. I'm gonna start by practicing self care and talking to him a little less. I'm going to give God all of my worries and let go.

[AR-znuy]

I really needed this. Both of us were codependent. Both had addiction issues. I paid all the bills. Gave up my revovery and life just to be closer to her. Then i found out she had a sugar daddy giving her money when i was going into debt taking care of her. Im glad its over and i dodged that bullet. I want to set boundaries and never neglect my own well being again.

[cassmodious]

The get to know youself part is really the hardest part for me, i have no idea what i want or like

[laureng]

I disagree with one of these things. When we're working on ourselves, we don't have to tell others that we are, and we don't have to make our emerging new selves easier for others to handle. I think that's being too much of a people pleaser to think that we absolutely MUST say this or that to someone. If we're not comfortable answering questions, we don't have to be open to that, either. We are the guardians of our life stories; we share what we're comfortable with and nothing more.

[gin.k]

I'm for sure struggling with codependency after being raised by a narcissist mother. I have built a life structure of codependency even if I'm now in a relationship with a mentally healthy & stable person.

I find it hard to branch out and meet new people/ make friends and achieve my goals. But I'm working on it though.

[RainRemnant]

Got BPD and recognize myself in this, but only ended up losing my husband this weekend. Feel I gave him my all, no more friends, needed therapy but didn't ("no baby no therapy dont share secrets, i will fix you I'm your doctor" but after 5 years still doesn't remember the word Borderline), feel so hurt by so much betrayal throughout the marriage. Was gaslit so much... so now ended up with nothing, every prevention or support video is about turning to friends or family, I have no one anymore... at 44 feel like a little child crying for her mother (lost her 3 years ago), but really lost in this world now

[haileykauweloa]

I'm from a very emotionally immature family, I've watched your video on how to heal from this but I want to get more in depth with it and I want to be able to be more open to people sooner. I just can't seem to get myself to do it. I want to scream and yell without caring what people are going to say about me but I can't bring myself to not care.

[rebeccaoprea]

We can’t get mad at people for overstepping boundaries when we didn’t put up or honor them to begin with . It all starts with us.

[Becczor]

This hit me, this is me. However, my father who is the source dependant, did not have any abuse, but could be unpredictably angry for random things, and just take the car and leave. My codependency has been to not make him angry. I realize I have suppressed a lot of feelings and wishes during my childhood, and I question pretty much every decision I have ever made. Was it really what I wanted? Now I have transferred this codependency to my boyfriend, even though he is not the same! I make up thoughts in my head that he is going to think or react in the same way as my dad, and that makes me scared. So I compensate for that, even though it is not true. We also have other problems right now in our relationship, so I'm scared all the time that he is going to be mad and leave me. Thank you Kati for what you do, you are a safe ray of sunshine that helps a lot. ❤

[philcollins]

after spending so much time watching your videos, I unfortunately have no medical insurance & you've become my hopefully temporary form of "outpatient therapy" lol!. I have realized so much about myself & people whom I've surrounded myself with. it has helped me out a lot. I've also ran out of both my anti-anxiety meds & an anti-depressant due to lack of insurance. I also suffer from PTSD. undiagnosed but once it was explained to me, made perfect sense. basically I'm a mess lol! a mess whom has 2 beautiful children under the age of 5. that's another story all by itself. basically, i'm a retired 50 year old, by no fault of my own. it's been truly hard these last couple of years & am hoping that light I do see at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming freight train. anyway, thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me try to figure myself out