Why Are People So Passive-Aggressive?

Watch this if you want, I don't really care.

Humans are complicated: a tangled web of amazing biology and bad behaviours. This illustrated field guide will equip you with the necessary tools to navigate the lying, jealous and judgmental tendencies of your fellow humans. This week we explore passive-aggressive behaviour, the act of expressing aggression indirectly.

This episode was written by Bahar Gholipour and filmed by Dominique Taylor. Animations by Vanessa Hill.

REFERENCES 📚

Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder: The Demise of a Syndrome

[TommoCarroll]

NO, IT'S FINE...we'll watch the video!

[Arthera]

my sense of humor is apparently very passive aggressive... or whatever...

[sugarandspice]

Passive aggressive people are dangerous to have in your inner circle because you never know where you TRULY stand with them.

[MagicAndReason]

My favorite name for passive-aggression is "whoops, I accidentally broke everything you care about."

[neurotransmissions]

But what if I'm aggressively passive?

[Lobokami]

Passive aggressiveness just infuriates me and thus makes me more dangerous to those around me. People aren't mind readers, if something is wrong, just say it. Simple as that.

[UnDeRSEEG]

I was surprised not to see one of the reasons for passive aggressiveness listed as a manipulative tool to get others to do what you want. E.g. "No its fine!! We can do what you want to do!". An unassertive person is likely to feel guilty at this point and give in to the passive aggressive persons will. Passive aggressive people learn that this helps them get what they want and tend to use it more in the future, whether intentionally or not. Sadly, it builds resentment in the unassertive person.

[sogerc]

Fine, I Liked this video, are you happy now, Nessy?

[mauriceupton]

Its based on poor communication skills and lack of confidence often on how to respond in various situations.
I actually think it's a learnt behaviour and you generally get it from your workmates but mostly from your parents.
But I have to say you have one of the best channels on YouTube.

[NGC-]

In some jobs being purposefully inefficient is a necessary skill otherwise people start to take advantage of you.
The work work you do, the less everyone else thinks THEY have to do.
In physical jobs you burn out and break down and in sedentary jobs you will fry your brain from stress and have a meltdown.

[joshuaisgreatgamail]

Deeply passive aggressive people don't like it when you are direct with communication and assertive with it. It makes them act out more passively.

Telling them the behavior hurts doesn't work either. Walk away from them. The will alwats hurt and sabotage your efforts with a whatever to boot!

[braincraft]

Thanks to everyone who voted for this topic in the poll I did the other week!
If you voted, you better watch this. Okay?
Am I doing assertiveness right?

[Jackal_Blitz]

What if the fear of confrontation is real and warranted? Another person mentioned how sensitive and PC our culture is becoming lately. Being direct and assertive can be extremely risky if another person is likely to go off the deep end over whatever you say, regardless of how true it may be.

[mysunshine]

I've never thought of somebody would talk about such a topic ! I thought like it was only me who got bothered by passive aggressive actions...
Thank you ❤

[YTEEsenior]

I think passive-aggressive in many cases stems from lack of skill sets and/or vocabulary to handle the situation. Also frustration on not being able or allowed to get your point of view message across or understood.

[NaNs]

"Until next time; you're welcome." That took me a whole extra second longer than it should have to realise that you were being passive aggressive xD

[Dixavd]

I find passive-aggressive traits pretty attractive which is annoying since it makes communication more difficult (and comes accross as patronising when my reaction to someone holding back anger is to start blushing).

[Master_Therion]

If you are attacked by a gang of pacifist Buddhist monks, is that passive aggression?

[johnsampson]

I'm a short man, so I tend to be very passive aggressive at times because if I'm outright aggressive, people just laugh at me or mock me or could easily beat me up. It is indeed a coping mechanism for helplessness (at least for me).

[ruskreeder]

This was really good. You sure aren't passive-aggressive. You stood up for yourself when I made a comment you didn't exactly love. I admire you for that. I admire people who are upfront when they are hurt. I admire people who stand up for themselves without being caustic. It is probably because both my mother and father are that way.

My respect for you increased after you stood up for yoursel in that (misunderstood) tiff.

Sincerity