The Passive-Aggressive Narcissist Explained | Dr. David Hawkins

Passive-aggressive behavior is when people choose to express their resentment or hostility indirectly, creating a disconnect between what they say and do.

This is one of the commonly shared traits of narcissistic individuals. Whether intentionally or not, they use it to manipulate their partners and make it seem as though they are the ones being victimized.

Healthy relationships require stable and open communication. This isn’t possible when the parties involved can’t assert themselves or don’t have the capacity to empathize.

Everyone involved in a relationship should be able to freely express what they want and need, as long as they do so in a way that genuinely considers and understands their partner’s feelings as well.

In this video, Dr. Hawkins educates us on passive-aggressive narcissism and the importance of healthy assertiveness and emotional intelligence.

Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.

☎️ PHONE: [phone]

About

The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.

Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.

Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.

#narcissist #passiveaggressive #narcissism

[markwilliamson]

My ex-wife was a master of passive aggressive narcissism. During a time in our marriage when we didn't have a lot of money I worked on keeping our cars well maintained. Brake jobs, tune ups, oil changes, etc. There were occasions where I needed her to hold a flashlight or some other type of simple assistance. She would take the opportunity to start peppering me with one question after another before she would even consider holding the flashlight. What was I doing? How did I know this was what was necessary? Was this the best way to do it? On and on, one question after another without end. I could have provided her with a detailed history of the internal combustion engine and she still wouldn't have been convinced to hold the flashlight. I would eventually beg her to just hold the flashlight and her response was "I can't be around you when you're so angry" and then she'd storm off. It never made any sense to me at the time. Why was she like this when I was doing something that was of mutual benefit to both of us. Now I realize she was just getting off on controlling and manipulating me and causing chaos. Thank God we are no longer together.

[fidelmashelton]

I totally agree and they know what they are doing is wrong. They love to see you upset and get a kick out of it...

[MHobbs]

Bullies maybe, but not truly assertive. Covert narcissist is almost never assertive, but will get angry and tell you things like "My feelings matter" as if you've been horribly dismissive, but really they were the ones to dismiss you and then on top of that they demand that you listen to them...insidious!!

[lisacampbell]

Yes, there are passive aggressive narcissists. One problem is they have repressed anger and resentment that they don’t have the ability to face. They also try and control others by being passive aggressive.

[mayra]

The problem is that until the passive aggressive narcisist have not conviction about his problem, he won't learn to be different. Passive aggressive people are always right, or they might say it is my fault but you... more of the passive aggressive behavior. Not easy to deal with this. Very good video!

[SweetPeaSaid]

I think you nailed it. I was calling it unintentional narcissism. I literally don't know what my husband wants until after he's manipulated things to his way.

[lianneconant]

I do agree with you however, my husband is a Master at narcissist abuse! If you tried to teach him assertiveness he would twist it into another method to abuse me. In fact, I watched our educated therapist explain to him how to be honest, step by step, how to communicate healthy. Within a week, he was quoting what the therapist taught him, saying that he was given permission to abuse me.

[rachelsalex]

Agree 💯 they lack skill from their own childhood experiences.
Also the person on the receiving end may let it continue longer than needed out of fear of retaliation...

[kahlodiego]

As long as no one is affected but his partner, it doesn't matter. His image as a great guy is not affected.
I left town.

[shaunbarnett]

I was working hard one day in my job in a warehouse which I loved when out of the blue my boss just pounced on me and verbally attacked me for no reason whatsoever. All I did was ask a question about something I was unsure of and she started attacking me saying I was "forgetting everything" and "should know this stuff by now". I'd only been in the job for a couple of months and there was a lot to learn. I was always putting in extra unpaid hours, happy to do so because I was working in the field of my choice (electronics and LED lighting) and really enjoyed the job. I went the extra mile, doing lots of little bits and pieces that weren't even part of my job description. I genuinely felt that I was doing a great job and yet here she was attacking me and basically accusing me of being useless. Whilst I maintained my composure reasonably well in the moment, on my way home in the car I just went into complete rage. Screaming at the top of my lungs, "Fu$$ You!!! Fu$$ You!!!". How DARE she speak to me like that when I was putting in my absolute best effort and doing so much extra work. And I genuinely was doing a pretty good job, I'd made a few mistakes but isn't that normal?! I was getting better and better. Anyway, I couldn't contain my rage and when I got home I sent my boss an email explaining how inappropriate it was for her to treat me that way and how she'd completely demotivated me by berating me, achieving the exact opposite of what she supposedly wanted. And the next day when I go in I was fired on the spot. She hinted that I had some kind of emotional problems and her partner said to me, "I told you I didn't want drama!". But here's the thing. I was simply doing my job to the best of my ability and all I did was ask a question in a very polite manner. It was my boss who created the drama by speaking to me so condescendingly. She was the one who got emotional for no reason and just pounced on me verbally out of the clear blue sky. Up until that point I'd not been dramatic or emotional in any way whatsoever. And to this day I cannot understand how I could be blamed for creating drama when my boss was the one in the wrong. I sent further emails to them spelling out to them in no uncertain terms all the errors of their ways and it made me feel good to get some payback but at the end of the day, I lost a great job which I enjoyed in my field of choice and I've not had a decent job since. That was now many years ago, and now I pretty much just want to kill myself. I just cannot believe that a person is not allowed to ask a simple question without being attacked. And how I could be treated so incredibly disrespectfully for simply doing my best in a job. It just doesn't make sense to me at all.

[mirafilipovic]

Dear dr. Hawkins, it is definitely not possible to teach a narcissist how to be assertive! 😪 You can only teach yourself how to deal with them with the least damage to yourself, or if you are in a position to run away and have no contact, run as fast as you can and do not look back!

[ros]

Yes I agree! And my journey to discovering Narcissistic abuse, started with reading this book “Living with the passive aggressive man” by Scott Wetzler

[freebird]

I am 60, and have spent a lifetime around overt and covert narcissists. Unless, and until, they personally are exhausted by all their deep issues (where all the aggressive, passive, and passive-agressive behavior springs from) and begins to deal with those head-on, and do the extensive inner work, nothing will be helpful. I have seen that they just learn "better tactics" to employ for their intense need to control and manipulate everyone around them. They do not want to mature and grow-up, regardless of their age, or they would be doing that already on their own.

[sarahwagland]

My female neighbour is a passive aggressive narcissist. She has no idea what she wants, she just doesn't want me to have what I want. .

[sallyruss]

This is my husband and I agree 100% with you. I've only been married a little over 5 years and very exhausted from this man. I worked today and told him he got a break from me and now this evening he goes upstairs to bed and says nothing to me. I'm like whatever as I'm ready to end this anyway. Thank you for the video.

[reneeboehm]

He sarcastically agrees with me shaking his head it is soooo incredibly frustrating along with all the sneaky behavior the gaslighting his favorite thing for him to say is I don’t care he’s a liar he is passive aggressive

[veronicaraskin]

Agree very much so. You are describing my husband to a tee. He is unable to assert himself while caring about me. He gets what he wants, or what he think he wants, being passive aggressive with me. I have been a victim for over 25 years. Healing the last 10 years. Just discovered you!

[elisealgernon]

OK -- I would say 100% yes and my strong impression is that yes, they know what they are doing but many will go to their graves rather than to admit it because plausible deniability is part of how they get their power. Everything is about power and control for them and avoiding accountability

[fauza]

I have dad, grandpa, neighbour .some foregin people i don't know they always attack and abuse my emotion with fake Cough and fake throat clearing. ITS annoying yes.

[tradslnd]

Encouraging aggression boosts their ego in my experience with my partner they just became verbally aggressive not assertive, the tact won’t be there…ever