Are You Afraid of Abandonment?

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

[amybenham]

I love that you use terms like "we" and "us" maybe it's a typical therapist lingo but I find it extremely comforting especially when you're talking about issues and mental illnesses that effect me. It's less alienating.

[JordynLaRee]

I have bpd but for me the fear of abandonment is a little different. I don't really fear it as much as I just expect it. I don't see myself as anything special and so if a person shows interest and we connect I never let myself get to close to them because I know once they see me the full on me they will leave. I split. I leave first. That's how I protect myself. And people don't even notice me stepping out of their life. Which further validates the fact that I meant nothing to them in the first place. I'm guess my fear of abandonment turned into this because I got emotionally burned out. I know how It feels to care and have no one care back. So even if it's not true I just tell myself they don't care anyway. The less close I get the less I get hurt. And really I'm doing them a favor in the end. Cause no one should have to deal with me. I don't even like dealing with me.

[KatherineKosma]

I'm really bad at dealing with this, because I struggle to decipher between something that I should genuinely respond to and be upset by, or if it's just me over reacting and overthinking

[usermk]

*NOTES* If you feel overwhelmed, use:
1. The "IMPROVE" method
I - imagine you're in a happy/soothing place (helps calm your nervous system)
M - meaning (find purpose in your life, find a hobby, adopt a pet, volunteer, go back to school)
P - prayer (not necessarily religious) use a mantra
R - relaxation (hot bath, deep breathing)
O - one thing in the moment
V - vacation (take a walk around the block)
E - encouragement (encourage yourself)
2. Emotional regulation
a) What was the prompting event? (factual)
b) What was my interpretation of the event? (emotional)
c) What body sensation do I have? (sweating, heart racing, etc)
d) What body language do I have? (hunched, arms crossed)
e) What is my action urge? (scream, leave them first so they couldn't abandon me)
f) What action did I take?
g) What's the emotion name based on my answers?

[FrankLuver]

living with bpd & not being able to afford therapy in any way, shape or form...these videos really help. thank you

[AndresB]

Fear of abandonment, fear of intimacy, trust issues; they all seem quite similar.

[esterblue]

What if I constantly push away everybody because I am too afraid that they might abandon me?

[ruth]

I have a fear of abandonment so instead I'm the one who abandons people and I can't stop....

[carlthellama]

Bpd here, I know this all too well. I've become a recluse even though I crave that human contact. After all, they can't leave if I never establish that relationship.

[katielarisa]

These videos always feel like a hug for some reason 🤗

[thislove]

I don't really blame people for feeling this way though. Rejection and loneliness hurt a lot. It's figuring out why we can't keep people that is helpful.

[ozzyhokozy]

I have BPD and learning a lot about it lately because no matter what I do and what happens in my life it keeps coming into my life even though I have everything I have ever wanted. Luckily I have a relationship for 7yrs with a beautiful kid so I am a proof that everything is possible. Yet it's still hard

[MeredithxLove]

My father died when I was 7 years old and have been struggling with fear of being abandoned for years. Thanks for a fantastic video, as always.

[stephencurtin]

I isolate on a massive scale to avoid this. Do nothing except work or college. It's miserable. I'm really trying to get out of this pattern and work through the secondary gain

[annamullenbach]

I had a friend who was like a sister to me, she had BPD, Bipolar, ODD and RAD etc. She manipulated me constantly and sort of abused me at times, she is still in my life and I still love her but with issues of my own I had to put some healthy boundaries. It is really good for me to see the reasons behind her actions, a lot easier to forgive.

[Karen-vlvf]

I have a tendency to make every molehill a mountain and would often call my friends to help out because it was "a huge crisis" and they would get annoyed. I tip I found to be helpful is to take a breath (or if you can, do a smaller task for a bit), then after not thinking about the issue for a minute, actually assess what the issue actually is and what can you do about it. Sometimes it turned out to actually be a mountain, but a lot of times I was able to clear my head from panic enough to get through an issue without asking for constant support. Hope this helps! Thanks for the video Kati!

[JawadSoomro]

I love the way you are trying to help each of us! Honestly I am crying each time you say Abandonment! I feel hopeless! But really your cheerful personality is definitely helping me. Thank you!

[annakelly]

Oh my gosh this is so relevant to me and I've lost so many people over the years because of this. I find it's really important to be kind to myself. I can't beat myself up over the past, and it's okay to mourn for friendships that have ended without going into total meltdown. Another really big thing is trying to trust people and allow them to be around me out of their own choice rather than because they feel they have to be. So self esteem is really important because if I believe that I am someone who others like then I can give them the choice to be around me as well, and that tends to reinforce my self esteem as well

[Spiral.Dynamics]

I got over my fear of abandonment when everyone really did abandon me and I found out the worst wasn’t that bad. When it comes down to it we can find out how strong one person can be.
Your video essays are so helpful thank you.
✌️❤️🕉

[jaymesl]

I’m here on the playlist for BPD, and I just wanna say thank you very much. While many of the symptoms do feel familiar for my own experiences, as far as I’m aware I don’t have bpd. My partner, however, is diagnosed. I completely, utterly, wholly adore them. They are the center of my universe, and I love them so deeply it aches.

I’m thanking you because you’ve provided a resource that is non judgmental, clear, and easy to understand. I want to understand the person I love, and the tone bpd often is discussed with repulses me. My partner is not manipulative, or abusive, or some cruel mastermind. They’re scared, and they’re hurting, and even when they’re angry they go out of their way to avoid hurting me. I want to be there for them and help them. You’re giving me the tools to do that.