Signs You Have A Fear of Abandonment, Not Just LONELY

Are you really scared of losing the people you care about? Do you find it hard to trust others or worry a lot about being left alone? Abandonment issues usually start when you're a kid, but they can also show up later in life. Being afraid of abandonment is a serious kind of anxiety that often comes from something bad happening in the past. Sometimes, people don't even realize they have hidden emotional problems, but it can lead to some not-so-great behaviors over time. Let us know if you relate to any of these signs.

#abandoned #abandonment #lonely

Writer: Dylan Swanepoel
Editor: Caitlin McColl
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice Over: Drew Baillie
Animator: Dinda

REFERENCES:

Palihawadana V, Broadbear JH, Rao S. Reviewing the clinical significance of ‘fear of abandonment’ in borderline personality disorder. Australasian Psychiatry. 2019;27(1):60-63. doi:10.1177/1039856218810154
Craig Fowler & Megan R. Dillow (2011) Attachment Dimensions and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Communication Research Reports, 28:1, 16-26, DOI: 10.1080/08824096.2010.518910
Stevens, F. L. (2014). Affect Regulation Styles in Avoidant and Anxious Attachment. Individual Differences Research, 12(3).
Kory Floyd (2014) Relational and Health Correlates of Affection Deprivation, Western Journal of Communication, 78:4, 383-403, DOI:

[purpleserenity]

1:45 - People with a fear of abandonment can also have a disorganized attachment style, which is a combination of both anxious and avoidant attachment. You have no problem with engaging and talking to people, you would like a relationship with others but that underlying trauma makes it difficult to connect. On one hand, you may feel anxious as you don't want to be abandoned by people, so you keep asking for reassurance or try to be perfect to ensure that people like you. On the other hand, you want to be avoidant in relationships as you don't want to experience that pain again. so, you try to keep people at arm's length as you feel like you can only trust yourself and can only be independent on yourself.

[BCSchmerker]

+Psych2GoTv *Thanks for the list of symptoms*

1:28 *1. Attachment Adversities:* More likely with Anxious Preoccupied and/or Fearful Avoidant.
2:45 *2. Touch Anxieties*
3:58 *3. Worst-Case Scenarios*

[MrRobot-jbtI]

I remember a joke I heard when I was a kid and it went like: Three guys were stranded on an island. They all connected and had many great memories. One day they found a genie bottle. The first two wished to be back home with their families and so their wishes were granted and were back home. The third guy started crying and the genie asked why he was crying. He then said he missed those two friends and wished they were back on the island with him. This joke was funny back then but now it hits differently as it feels somewhat relatable.

[joelheath]

I deal with abandonment issues, and I just try to be a good father to my kids so they don’t hurt like I do. It has the added bonus of walking in the door after being out for any length of time and hearing my kids excitedly shout “daddy!!!”

[coolkid]

That's literally my phobia
It's called monophobia
You have to know that the fear of being lonely happens because of an experience, or because you think that you'll never be enough, so the best thing to do is to see how the people you love feel about "abandoning" you.

[warrison]

Just wanted to share this for those who feel alone or abandoned

I didn't had any friends since last 4 years and questioned myself that is it a problem or a curse to be an introvert? I started becoming suicidal and started thinking that life isn't worth this pain and struggle.
But I found that introvertion is not curse but a gift and even after all that the nature and the universe is always there reminding me that I not alone... I never was... And I would never be alone.
And if you feel alone you could always come here to share your emotions cuz we feel that sadness and don't want others to suffer that sadness too
Hope this helps you 🙂 and have good day (and night too)

[Benjifan]

I'm an introvert, but I'm terrified of being abandoned by family or friends. One of my friends also has this fear because his family is well neglectful to put it lightly. I always tell him that I'll be there for him no matter what.

[Aan]

Timestamps
1). Look at your attachment style 1:26
2). Physical touch 2:44
3). How will a fear of abandonment affect your future 3:57

Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. But the way I love hearing your voice Drew Baillie. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

[oxleaff]

I'm naturally an introvert, but recently a lot of things have been happening that make me feel lonely. All of my friends left, and now, I've become scared of being an introvert. It makes me feel like I'm alone

[Fenyxclips]

Gotten very lonely recently after spending time reflecting on the past. The need to be "perfect" so others wouldn't abandon wasn't healthy and when that wasn't followed, was abandoned (unsurprisingly). Finding peace in being alone but scared the only friends I have left will just up and leave one day. Can't even trust anyone either due to that being broken too many times.

[forgesoulfire]

Funny enough I can say I have that when it comes to investing in relationships... Romantic or otherwise. But on the whole, a painfully depressive realization came to me that's made the idea pretty easy to cope with. The painful reality on a fear of abandonment when the worry is fueled by not being able to get right for all the various people you would like to keep in your life is (remember this was one brought about by an absolutely devastating level of depression so bare with it there's alot of regurgitating of encouragement here I know).... What are you honestly going to be able to do about it? Honestly, you're just one person and only you know what your limits are, only you have to be you, just the same as you have to be enough for you, on top of that takers never know when to stop taking and you have to know when to stop giving so you can keep being enough for you. Beyond that, let them deal with their shiet while you keep dealing with yours. It doesn't make you a bad person to know your limits as you're working on yourself... so really, if they all left and supposedly "abandoned" you. What really could you do about it, without sacrificing more of yourself?

In the end, when and where were you told you absolutely had to live up to others beliefs of you or standards for you?

[danavixen]

The more you meet disappointing people, it can be disheartening. Therapy is needed as well as a healthier environment.

[fromdarknesstolightwithmel]

In my opinion, and in my experience, everyone leaves. One way, or another, everyone leaves. I prefer to stay by myself ❤

[brain_respect_and_freedom]

Exploring the video on abandonment and loneliness made me realize the significance of facing our fears and cultivating healthy relationships. Open communication is key in understanding our true needs, going beyond the unrealistic romantic ideals portrayed in movies or social media. Embracing vulnerability can lead to personal growth and genuine connections. Thanks for shedding light on these important aspects!

[kiyomi_kamimoto]

Honestly, I feel like my fear of abandonment is so strong that I just expect to be left at some point, I'm not even "scared" of it, or at least not in the present moment, but I just convince myself it will happen.

I was very clingy as a child, because I had one friend who had to bear me everyday, so no wonder why they had enough at some point. So today, I try not to be as annoying. Every time I follow someone, or that they ask me to come with them, I always ask myself if I won't bother them. If I'm not too clingy, if they're just asking without really thinking about it too much, out of pity, and then will regret it after. I don't want to go out with them too much, I try not to get into people's personal affairs or issues unless they clearly say they want to talk to me about it, I'm too anxious to open up about certain things and prefer to listen to them talk instead of opening up unless I find the right moment to talk about something, sometimes I distance myself from them on purpose, choose not to accompany them or sit next to a certain friend to try and give them some space. I just don't want to live the same stupid thing that broke my heart as a child for how annoying I was. If I'm going to be left out, I'd rather it not hurt as much and for different reasons to prove myself I at least got better on that.

But I'm not good at all in these kinds of things. Probably why I got so few friends in my life, and even fewer closest ones.

[laine_s]

Regardless of how much my mom told/tells me how much she loves me and that I’m the “best thing that ever happened to her, ” it couldn’t overcome the damage that my father did in leaving us when I was one. Decades later, I’ll still buy the last stuffed animal on the shelf because it “looks lonely, ” and I can’t bear the thought of it being thrown in a compactor somewhere.

On a related note, watching the “Velveteen Rabbit” when I was four did NOT help my fear of abandonment; it only reinforced it. It only caused me to hide every toy I had for fear that mine would be taken and burned up, too. I didn’t dare bring any out to play with for fear they’d be abandoned, too. It was only when my mom had a day off from work and asked me where all my toys were that the waterworks started and I explained what I did. It was only when my mom reassured me that she wouldn’t throw them away that I showed her where I’d hidden them and she helped me carry them all back out to use again.

On a final note, I realize that many children’s tales are decades if not centuries old, but maybe reconsider exposing your anxious child to them. Abandonment and child abuse are themes often found in Grimm’s Fairy Tales, Snow White, Bambi, Old Yeller, etc. I’m not saying that those stories, movies, etc., should be banned or that anyone’s bad or wrong for sharing them with their children - it’s not my place and I’m anti-censorship. I am saying, though, that perhaps people who know their child’s personality may want to consider how a young child might internalize something distressing, and hold off on showing that entertainment to the child ‘til he or she is older, or watch / listen with the child to explain confusing things, or at least CASUALLY talk about the movie, book, etc., with the child to see how they felt about it and clear up any misconceptions.

[AmanyAhmed]

I always have the fear of abandonment so I choosed over time to be an introvert and not let people go so deep to my heart, so now I have an severe avoidant personality 🙂

[AdrianScanlon]

This may well be one of my issues. I think i will watch the video once more. Something of a surprise that in all the years i sent in therapy i can not recall abandonment coming up.

[RainbowsAJ]

What a perfect time omg
I've been dealing with this for months now 😭

[johnnatandc]

I can relate heavily on Affection Deprivation... But I have learned to block and avoid showing that to others, even though I desire affection. Real affection. But in my almost 43 years of existence, this has eluded me. I get affection due to compromise, but I dont feel it genuine. I am never called to ask sincerely how I am... but instead to ask for favors or for help to fix problems. I have been unable to find a partner as I dont trust anyone, or almost anyone... I am always searching for red flags... I think that I have enough problems in my life to add a new set of them with other person... I know that this is an illogical way of thinking but it is very ingrained in my mind. I am attached and detached of ppl at the same time, even my closest ones. It is a torture, so I learned to forget to send these needs or thoughts to the memory vault... which is deep as a black hole and it devours everything with time... I then forget. I do not have fear of being alone... maybe of dying alone and forgotten in an unmarked tomb... but I think that it is exactly my fate, as I am the avoidant type...