Why Trauma Bonding is So Powerful

Previously, we made a video about trauma bonding and many of you resonated with the video. So we made another one. Have you ever wondered what trauma bonding really is? How does it work? Why is it so hard to break free from its grasp? If these questions resonate with you, you're in the right place. Throughout this video, we will explore the ins and outs of trauma bonding, shedding light on its mechanisms and shedding light on the hidden aspects that make it such a powerful force.

Trauma bonding, often referred to as a "trauma bond," is a complex psychological phenomenon that forms in toxic relationships, such as those involving narcissists or individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

#trauma #traumabond

Writer: Stela Košić
Editor: Caitlin McColl
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Animator: Zuzia
Youtube Manager: Cindy Cheong

Discount code: "Loyalty" to get 15% off. Only first 50 people.

[angb]

Thank you for using this massively popular example of what not to be for relationship goals.

[MSMW]

After 32 years, I am finally getting out of a toxic, trauma bonded relationship, this video is a snapshot of my life. There wasn't physical abuse, but emotional in spades including verbal, blaming, shaming, cheating, alcoholism and withdrawal of affection. I am still in the same house as her, but will be gone as soon as I can find a new place to live. 3 days ago I got abused for cleaning a small area of a floor I wasn't supposed to. Afterwards, I was told WE need to communicate better. Now it seems it is my fault for the breakdown of the relationship. Trauma bonding is very powerful, I should have left 2 decades ago when it started, but it's never too late to get out of this cycle. All my friends and family, including hers have congratulated me for finally getting out. Even my adult children are happy for me.

[rikitikitavatiki]

"You matter." Just two words at the end of the video. And yet we all need to be reminded of that.

[Morpheus-ptwq]

Basically, "love at first sight", a.k.a "love actually does not work like that".

Each time, your relationship seems to be progressing too fast and it all seems to be too good to be true, you should take a step (or multiple) back and carefully observe. Most of the time, you are not falling for the other person, but the other person is mirroring you back, which means, you are falling for yourself.

[mooshumushu]

I had a trauma bond with an ex-best friend. It took five years to leave that relationship, but with the help of my cousin I got out and I’ve never felt happier than I am right now.

[thor]

I've been in a relationship like this with my ex. The intermittent love she gave me, how she made me genuinely believe that I was stupid and didn't disagree when I called myself an idiot. It took a lot of courage to leave that relationship and work towards rebuilding my confidence. I remember a video of these two friends. One girl was holding a piece of glass while her friend told her to let go. The girl refused because she believed that if she let go, she'd be nothing and wouldn't have anything. Her friend convinced her to let go of the shard of glass and she began to feel better.

[elle]

This reminds me of my relationship with my brother. He was my most favorite person, my light, as the video said. We shared a difficult childhood, abusive, alcoholic, sometimes absent, sometimes present father. When he became a teenager, he was going through a lot and he started beating me up. Me, his little sister. I hated it but I loved him so so much because I understood his pain, I was the only one who could truly see him. He continued beating me up and controlling me. A decade goes by and he's still my most favorite person. I'm so proud of him, I talk about him to all my friends- that he's such an awesome big brother whom I look up to... I will not accept that he's abusing me. I forgive him instantly. Because he has his bad side, but he has a good side too- he showers me with gifts. But year by year, I start fearing him more and more. It's fear mixed with love and I'm still blind to the abuse I'm facing. I start hurting myself and trying to kill myself and have constant thoughts of suicide. I finally agree to myself that it's abuse, horrible physical and verbal abuse. But I forgive him. I make excuses for him. I empathise with him and continue to love him. Whereas, I continue to hate myself and think of killing myself with some failed attempts....

Sorry for rambling, guess it's nice to talk about anonymously. Also, wanted to tell people that this happens between siblings as well. Sibling abuse is very common but it's not spoken about and even parents brush it off. But if you're going through something like this, tell an adult if you're a child, tell someone. If they don't listen or they threaten you not to talk about it with anyone else, don't listen to them and find a person or get help through an organisation. It's NOT okay that this is happening to you. PLEASE get help. In my case, I loved my brother so much that I didn't want to get him into trouble. But imagine if someone else was telling you this, what would you do? Love yourself and get help.

[kaineedshelp]

I experienced this as a kid with my mother, who constantly manipulated and abused me but would also give me hugs and praise all the time. It got to the point where I was fourteen, she tried to kill me, and I justified it to my friends because "She apologised. She was having a breakdown, she didn't mean it."

Looking back I can't believe that I didn't see anything wrong with it, but I was so desperate to have a good relationship with her. Both of us are in therapy and she's slowly improving, but I haven't forgiven her and I doubt that I ever will. I'm grateful that we can finally have a relationship, but she still took my childhood away from me. I've made it clear to her that if she hurts me again I will cut her off entirely. I've established that boundary, and I'm actually a lot healthier now.

[mirabelwatson]

Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in November. I have zero cravings.
This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.

[Aan]

Timestamps
1). Traumatic roots 0:35
2). Love me, then hate me 1:36
3). False beliefs and loyalties 2:30

Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

[bryandranicole]

This video read me and past trauma bond of 7 years! It sucks that I waited until it was too late!! But on the bright side, I’m now free of him and putting more energy into myself and my children ❤

[emmalestrangeart]

I love the simplicity in your explanations. It is quite remarkable how obvious it appears from the outside, but when you are in it, you just don't recognise the bad behaviour.

[oOneenOo]

God. I wish I had this channel during my first marriage. Over the years, I've been realizing more and more that my ex wife was a narcissist and in hindsight, I can't believe I stayed as long as I did. I met her right after I lost the girl I loved to suicide and I had no idea that someone could manipulate that or do these things. I had stopped caring about a lot of things too so it was easy for it to happen I guess. It cost me everything and I'm still finding out lies (some over the most seemingly insignificant crap, she lied about everything) and people she cheated or stomach turning situations that she exposed my son to. I never realized how affected I was by her that it shaped how I see people and fed my mistrust of everyone which affects my relationship now. Too many people think of this as being a gender specific thing. I wish that would stop. It's people.

[IntrepidFC]

Could you guys make a video about obsessive para social relationships? There’s a lot of talk about certain AI programs being used by people to develop para social relationships that can end up really hurting someone’s well-being.

[sfrm-]

I live with social anxiety and been struggling with a trauma bond for 4 years now. I broke up with him so many times but we would always find a way to get back together, either he reached out to me somehow with the promise of change or I would, after feeling overwhelming loneliness because of the fear of interacting with other people. We haven't seen each other in like 2 weeks now after he finally, for the first time, recognized we weren't compatible and shouldn't see each other anymore. I have the intention of getting therapy to help me get through this process because I don't want to throw away any more years feeling like complete shit. I'm honestly really scared, but I will give the best of me. Wish me luck!

[Maxtheidiot.]

Time stamps!

Some things I’ll be using “~” main time stamp
“+” stuff in the time stamp that’s kinda important or really important!

~ 0:00 Traumatic roots
+ 1:11 how a train bond is born (I think it’s still in the traumatic roots section?-)

~ 1:38 love me, then hate me
+ 2:08 maintenance of a trauma bond

~ 2:32 false beliefs and loyalties
+ 3:30 reminder (well kinda just telling you-) that you don’t deserve to be hurt like that and that escaping the abuse is possible
+ 4:11 “in the description box we linked some hotlines and resources you can visit to help you come up with an escape plan”

~ 4:25 plushie >:D

Ily all and remember you deserve all the good that comes and came your way! <3

-max

[Morastbiene]

Looking at it from a perspective like this really makes you feel disgusted. Disgusted by the people whose love and approval you've sought, whom you gave access to you and what you've tolerated. I've been through this with a covert narcissist that I used to call my best friend, soulmate and emotional "situationship" that was based on coercion (his disrespect for my boundaries) and fear of abandonment. There was no space for physical violence, but because I made him "mad" he indirectly threatened me with it. I was usually the one who came back crying, apologizing, promising to "do better" because he gaslit and manipulated me so hard that I thought I was at fault for getting angry about how he treated me. That it was my fault that he withdrew and withheld kindness, time and attention from me instead of working things out and behaving like a decent human being.

My partner compared it to being in a burning house. You can stay, but if you want to live and stop suffocating, you need to get out. The house will keep burning, with or without you.

[myrrowayx]

After two years of abusive relationship with a person with BPD I'd realised that there hadn't been anything worse than that.
I'd realised that we hadn't been close in general, but desperately obsessive about one another.
She needed extra attention and acceptance, I gave a lot but she treated me like shit instead.
I felt like leaving and finally I made it.
Thanks to Zeus I'm free now and in no danger anymore, no one is fighting with me, no one is wasting my life and no one is going to make it even worse. 🥺

[JoelDJohnson]

I do have a trauma bond, but it's with my two brothers, my mother and my aunt.

[CowboybubPercussion]

I’ve seen a trama bond first hand, and it’s nasty!!! Their relationship went 20 years of abuse, I’m just glad I and my family got them out of that situation.