5 Common Reasons for Trauma Bonds + Abusive Relationships | Mental Health 101 | Kati Morton

Everything you need to know about trauma bonding and trauma bonds. What are trauma bonds? Why do trauma bonds exist? Trauma bond signs? Trauma bond relationships? Trauma bond definition? In this video I talk through every layer of trauma bonds, and 5 common reasons trauma bonds exist. If you are struggling with trauma or trauma bonds, I suggest you watch this video to see how you can get support and best know how you may use trauma bonds in your life.

Trauma bonds can be a sign of abusive relationships. And even if you aren't being physically abused, these bonds may lead to mental and emotional abuse. Abusive relationships help and healing is needed. As a therapist, I have worked with abusive relationship therapy and helping people navigate how to leave an abusive relationship.

Mental Health 101 is a series where I talk through the specifics of mental health subject matters, everything from dissociation, social media addiction, social anxiety, depression and more. In each of these episodes, I will clearly break down questions like “What is PTSD?” or “Signs of addiction?” and more. Each video will be set up in a way that allows you to support your loved ones, or help identify subject matter symptoms, and also misconceptions surrounding mental health disorders. Stay tuned for new content so you can be the best version of self, and the best friend and family member to your loved ones.

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
#katimorton #therapist #therapy

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People also ask about:
Trauma Bonding: What It Is & How to Heal - Choosing Therapy
How To Tell If You're In a Trauma Bonding Relationship
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[randih]

😭😭 this just made me realize how broken I am. Every relationship my entire life has been this way. I give and give and it's never enough and I can never understand why.

[passaggioalivello]

Despite common belief, people who were abused as children are more likely to be abused as an adult.

[susanzoeckler]

As a teacher of teenagers who had dropped out, or been kicked out, of school (I helped them prepare to take the GED exam for the equivalent of a high school diploma & also to acquire certain life skills), I learned that the majority of these kids had suffered some form of abuse or neglect. Something I found tragic, but fascinating, was how they would often perpetuate, or even recreate, chaos & trauma (through drug & alcohol use, crime, cutting school, self-harm, eating disorders, putting themselves in dangerous situations, & more). Research led me to understanding that when a person has grown up surrounded by torment, turmoil, & confusing mixed messages, & that's all they know, it actually alters the structure & function of the entire nervous system, especially the brain, in very negative ways. Basically, these poor kids kept manifesting tumultuous circumstances because, somewhat paradoxically, a sense of insecurity & overwhelm actually felt NORMAL to them. Insecurity made them feel secure. Being unsafe made them feel safe. Over & over again, I saw how calm & peaceful circumstances gave rise to anxiety, nervous tension, agitation, etc. There wasn't enough going on, not enough stimulation. This blew my mind! My increased nderstanding really helped me in working more effectively with them. Talk about having the deck stacked against you....

[dawnkulan]

Kati…. I did a self diagnosis of Stockholm’s after I I left my husband 5 1/2 years ago and realized how traumatized I was. You’re the first one that’s ever validated that. I thought once I got out I’d be back to what and who I was before but sadly realized that person is gone. Now I’m unrecognizable to others. I’ve been sick with one thing after the other and my life has not moved forward. I’ve become this person that doesn’t take care of themselves or their home. I can’t seem to get anything done no matter how hard I try. The other day I looked down at myself and said ‘I’ve become Rob’. And his abuse has continued through me. I’m abusing myself (unknowingly and unintentionally) by not taking care of myself. I know I need to get help. Every healthcare provider I see has told me. But I’m so overwhelmed with everything I have to do.

[abigailsbowen]

I had my first therapy session today, because of you! Thankyou for encouraging me to work on myself I really feel this can help my progression on working through my traumas. I feel positive about the future because of you!

[susies]

“Tension building” is such a perfect phrase to describe the situation

[-VJB-]

My journey in unpacking the devastation of a trauma bond to a narcissist led me all the way back to my birth. It took 2 yrs of self work. I was adopted. This has never been an issue for me, until I learned that my trauma bond to the narcissist was actually a ‘trauma response’ learned at birth. Fawning!
It is one of 2 options left to a newborn when removed from birth mother.
The other is freeze. A newborn cannot fight nor flee.. so fawning is a survival skill that kicks in, and stayed my whole life until now.
Relearning who I am, how the brain and nervous system works etc is vital in understanding all that made me who I am. Healing 🙏 thanks for all you do. So helpful.

[lisasnoozy]

I didn't know any of this and was so ashamed my entire life and never told anyone. Until something major and so simular to me that triggered everything 4 years ago. My therapist of 14 yrs started trauma therapy 4 yrs ago. When I received er your new book I brought it in to show my therapist. Shes known about you for years and watched the video when you answered my comment on a question on Ask me anything. We are currently working on the book The body keeps the score, so after I brought it i have not peeked in it at all yet. I asked her to hold it for me a little bit because of so much at the moment. She was happy to and is currently reading it too. Thank you for all you do! Take care, much love and hugs🥰🥰🥰

[rhythmoflove]

Trauma bonding doesn’t just stop with sexual abuse, it’s manifested in so many dynamics/relationships.

[recoverywithlee]

People in recovery from addiction patterns, we need to be aware of continuing to bond with enablers who had selfish motives to keep us active in addiction. One thing that helped for me and now those I guide is to start with a daily affirmation to take an inventory of how we are still being influenced enablers. Awareness and effort are key. Best wishes and practises to us all❤

[drebugsita]

This video is such a gift to so many of us. It is so affirming, especially after all of the shame from being neglected and abused. I still struggle with blaming myself for staying in relationships, jobs, etc after I saw red flags, only to go on and experience more and more abuse. I have a therapist I see twice a week but even still videos like this are invaluable. Thank you

[joheida]

Thank you. This is the clearest explanation I've ever heard of what happened to me. The trauma changed the course of my life forever. I've worked for years to forgive myself for being tricked. Now if I could just stop defining myself by the 4 years of sexual abuse that happened 36 years ago. The shame is so deep and sometimes consumes me. It's been a struggle. Thank you Katie!

[raywood]

I do want to say thank you Kati because I never really understood how this gaslighting manipulative process works and enlightenment is key to recognizing that it's being done to a person as well as preventing it from ever happening.

[nikitasolaya]

I haven’t seen him for three months and I’m still so broken and missing him feeling like he’s the only one who will make me feel better again even though while being with him he was the one who broke me

[kimberley]

I just wanted to say thank you so much for your channel and this upload you actually really really help me alot and you don't even know it and again i thank you so much for that i think your amazing x

[Inseparable]

Great video Kati, I learned something new that those that were sexually abused as children might be more susceptible to get into a trauma bond as an adult. I think one should question whether or not they are in love, or just in a trauma bond if they find themselves spending way too much time rationalizing and justifying their partner's on going bad behavior.

[emil]

Excellent video, and a dauntingly large and complex topic, especially to cover in under ten minutes. There is only one thing that I noticed might be misconstrued and that was when in describing the cycle of abuse on step 2 "incident" you said the abuser might blow up. While it can definitely happen like that, some abuse is silent and insidious, covert would be the term I suppose and that's very frequently overlooked and misunderstood by non-specialists.

[anju]

All your videos on trauma has helped me a lot as a child living in an extremely emotionally abusive household.

[sahtification]

The death of my first abuser was a very wait event to me, when it actually happened I felt very bad because I realize he was already old and had live a great life, he married, he had a daughter, and he died as a loving member of community
I was 25, living with depression, unable to maintain a relationship, or a job, with a long life to live and to remember everything that happened to me. I enjoy don't have to see him in neighborhood all the time, tho, but was devastated at the time to see that the burden was left on me cause by another person who never had to deal with anything
Was a really bad time then

[elizabethp]

Thank you Katie for verbalizing how our body’s react. I needed to hear that and need to speak it to myself frequently because of the shame and hatred felt internally after having experiences with abuse at a very very young age. Thank you so very much.