What is Trauma Bonding? | Kati Morton

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

[noorienoorie]

It's been 8 months since I've left my abusive husband and I still miss him and have dreams about him. It really hurts and I cry almost every day. Trauma bonding is a real thing.

[michellebailey]

Am I the only one who adores the way she says “Welcome!” In the intro?

[jodam]

Had a trauma bond with my ex. Let me tell you, it’s SO hard to break!!!

[DahliaLegacy]

The best advice to give people on relationships to ask them "if this happened to your best friend how would you feel? What would you tell them?" Then to make yourself your best friend. We say a lot to ourselves that we would never say to them, so it helps too when you're being a bully to yourself.

[QueenZsWorld]

this can happen in parent-child relationships, too. I didn't realize their was a name for it; thank you for explaining

[thenaturaltherapist]

As humans, we frequently gravitate to that which is familiar - even if that means continued trauma. So thankful that RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE! Thanks for spreading the word, Kati! Love your channel and the messages you spread.

[Neeshpeesh]

Oh i thought it was when 2 people who have been traumatized in the same way and form an unhealthy emotional codependent relationship/friendship.

[TheseFourWalls]

Hey Kati - Great video! I can relate to a lot of this... I was molested for 2 years, by my math teacher. When I finally told my parents, my family wanted to see this man rot in prison. Understandable. But I felt a lot of worry... Like, for HIS well-being. And sympathy as well, cuz I still felt "to blame" somehow. Therapy helped me see things more clearly, and now I'm being properly treated for cptsd. Therapy IS a life saver. 💛

[melissacarter]

I recently left my abuser. Thank you for reassuring me that it's ok to be sad even though logic says it was a bad relationship, my heart still aches...

[kayleighdittemore]

So interesting! My favorite thing about your videos is that I don’t necessarily resonate with all of them, but I learn so so much! Love it because now I’m more aware & have learned to be kind to everyone! Plus you are pretty stinkin’ awesome. I look forward to Monday’s and Thursday’s :)

[LauraScottBell]

This describes my last (6 year) relationship 100%. I am so thankful I was strong enough to leave, and now am engaged to someone else. ❤️

[MarizaaaT]

tomorrow’s my first EMDR session and i’m trying to learn a bit more about trauma so this video is right on time! thank you kati!

[thebestmarcela]

Oh, wow, this video described me from beginning to end!
Thinking 'maybe he really does love me, that's just the way he shows it', and not being excited to meet new people because they're boring. Those were spot on!

[ricorosado]

Oh my god thank you Kati thank you so much I was reading a text from my abusive ex telling me he misses me and that he loves me and I got your video post notification right then, THANK YOU

[bethc]

Yes, this is so true in my experience. I left my abuser and was feeling like I wasn't strong enough without them, that I should go back. Then I started self harming because I thought I needed the punishment because it was gone. Now with therapy I'm doing better.

[lunacouer]

Oh my gosh, you clarified so much here! Thank you!

When I finally got away from the abusive ex, it totally felt like withdrawal from a drug. Not being around him was so uncomfortable, and I would literally sit on my hands to stop myself from unblocking him on FB. I would take different routes so I didn't drive anywhere near his place, because yeah, I both wanted and didn't want to see him.

Intellectually, I knew I had to go completely No Contact - his violence had escalated to the point of breaking my finger. But emotionally? I craved him, and it was really confusing that all of that was going on at the same time. In fact, later, I realized that I tried to start different sorts of drama, almost as a secondary "fix".

The good news is that it all subsided as I walked through the process, and living a gentle life is what I crave now. It's a big relief to have gotten through that. But the confusion was part of the overwhelm, so thank you for validating and walking us through that.

[Stacilibra]

Thank u I’m starting to understand what I’m going thru ! I lost so much weight I’ve broke out all over my body! I still think about him I still cry but I’m so so glad he left me! I couldn’t do it so he left haven’t heard from him! I couldn’t do it myself so he did! Now I’m trying to heal! Wow somebody understands what I’m going through

[laurenp]

I’m still struggling with breaking this bond over 5 years later... most of the time I’m okay and can go weeks without thinking about him but some days and nights like tonight.. make me want to reach out to him and yell and cry in a confused state of hating this feeling

[TheGravityTime]

After my abusive relationship ended, i missed him for years. This is real.

[rmi]

omg I read "Why is Trauma boring?" and now I feel so bad lol..