How a Narcissistic Mother-in-Law Treats Her Daughter In Law

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Chapters
00:00 Intro
01:03 Extreme involvement in your marriage
02:44 Playing favourites
04:16 Control and manipulation
05:42 Gaslighting and denial
07:21 Undermining and criticizing
09:12 Conclusion

[heyoldman]

once again.. oh how i wish i heard these words 45 years ago . you youngsters .. listen to this man . the damage he speaks about is real and will break your Spirt . i am a lifelong people pleaser and have been told i have “A high tolerance to inappropriate behavior” whst a horrible combination. stand tall .don’t let them break you😔

[II.PP.]

This happened when I married and came to live with my husband's family: MIL, SILs and even neighbours tried to dominate me using different techniques.
They tried torturing me psychology, gossiping about me, isolating me, criticising me and even telling lies about me.
None of these techniques worked because I really didn't care.
They tried to made me feel like I wasn't part of the family and community, but lucky me, I don't have a need to belong, I have hobbies and enjoy being on my own. Also, I'm inmune to criticism and I love my freedom and individuality, so it didn't bored me when they tried to control me by rejection.
I tried to be a good din and sil, but as soon I realized their games I set boundaries that are there still today, and will be there forever, because this kind of people never change and will wait for a single inch that you open to enter your life and try to destroy it.
Well, they must learn how to live frustrated, because that will NEVER happen with me.
I'm no one else's doormat.

[vacationeyes]

1. She constantly micromanages you.
2. You are always watched. She stands outside your room to overhear conversations.
3. She is extraordinary nosey. Does not respect your privacy or boundaries.
4. Continue to control every minute of your life through her son.
5. She prevents you from eating the food you love, wearing the clothes you love, doing the things you enjoy most and turns your entire lifestyle upside down.
6. She broadcasts private information about you to half the planet.
7. She resents your career growth while supporting her son.
8. She is extremely possessive about her son that you begin to feel you are the third wheel in their relationship.
9. You feel you are part of a reality TV.
10. Makes constant and unrealistic demands
11. She constantly gaslights you while pretending to be innocent
12. She finds out where your buttons are and pushes them all the time.
13. You feel drained, exhausted and irritated after talking to her for a few minutes.
14. She visits you unannounced and uninvited because she can
15. She visits you at the wrong time to make your life miserable e.g. when you are pregnant, after a job loss

[tarey]

My ex-fiance's mother would never speak to me directly but only through him. I could feel her wrath and disapproval at all times. I knew then that It was just a matter of time after marriage that he would treat me the same (avoidant and silent treatment). Saw the big red flag(s) and let him know that I could not go through with the marriage. He went stoic for a week then he'd communicate thinking I had changed my mind. No way! Thoughts of a life with such a mother-n-law were too chilling and terrifying. Thanks, Danish: Hi, sweet kitty, Ben! Ur looking cuter than ever!

[lennie]

Mine is dead now and I had no voice while I was married, for a decade, and no thought of even mentioning her vile nature to anyone after the divorce. Now I'm a mother -in-law and I wouldn't dream of crossing the AUTOMATIC bounderies of respect that are the absolute right of a daughter-in-law. I'm just an ordinary human being, looking back, my mother-in-law fell below even that standard.

[nohana]

my narc mother in law passed away in 2016; May satan have her spirit. She got me so far, abusing me for 13 year that I came to the point I didn't want to live anymore. Nothing I did was right for her. She lied to me, turned the whole family against me, interfered in the upbringing of our children, constant making mean comments. Every single time we visited, every time she pulled some crazy stuff on me. I got depressed and traumatized and nobody helped me, my husband was blind at the time for the abuse of his mother. I got in therapy and that really saved me, that therapist saved my life. She died and the whole family system fell apart. We went no contact with the whole inlaws, my husband had 2 sisters we haven't seen for 6 years by now. I will never go back to them, never ever. My husband is free to do whatever he wants as long as he respects my decision on this. My son has a girlfriend and I'm really minfull not to treat her like crap and respect her.

[ellie_j.]

Thank you for addressing narcissistic in-laws! It's a shame that most youtube videos on narcissistic abuse focus solely on romantic relationships, and those abused in other types of familial relationships end up feeling even more lonely, unseen, unheard and ostracized. Having narcissistic personality disordered in-laws is a very, very painful experience!

[js]

Experienced all of this for over 20 years. I went no contact with her just as a survival strategy, years before I knew about npd. Her control was overwhelming and insidious. Most shocking of all was the realisation that my ex husband was also a covert narc. For many years he pretended to support me but was always a mummy's boy. They worked as a sick team to abuse me. I'm out now and rebuilding my life. Thank you Danish.

[lovelifexx]

My ex mother-in-law told my ex husband to leave me when i was pregnant so he did. Apparently our wedding day was the saddest day of her life because i was taking her son away from her.

[jimmy]

You just described my mother in perfect detail. My narcissistic mother in law and my narcissistic soon to be x were a tag team. The mother in law was always in our business and always criticizing. Her and the wife feed off each other. They both had the same tendencies. Relentlessly, my mother in law gave me the divorce papers from my wife, even though the wife was full of lies. These people betray their own families, and there's no limit to how far they go. They love dysfunction and drama. Mother in law is alone and so will be my ex to be.

[Eastwindwards]

The number one thing all girls must strive to achieve: DO NOT LIVE WITH YOUR IN-LAWS!
Limit contact . Develop a thick skin.

[sitasmithasaripalli]

Super sir!! I have a double bonus🤣 Both my husband and mother- in-law are narcissistic.
I have been dealing with them since 20 years and have experienced everything 💯% what you have said. I thank God 🙏 that I am still surviving and moving on. Experience is the best teacher sir, I came to know how to deal with them at the cost of my 20 years of valuable and precious life. But, I thank my parents, friends and children for supporting me all the way. I thank you a lot for making me feel that I am not at all wrong😊🙏

[ljo]

I had a narcissistic MIL (she passed away last year). Just talking about it is triggering for me, I have found the past 7 years very traumatic with her. My husband gaslit me at the beginning but is realising now the truth about her and how much pain she has caused. She had a MASSIVE hold over him (and us). I do almost feel like I can have a life now she's gone

[thereugo]

Thank you for this video on mother in law's....My nightmare is just as you have described for over 40 years and she is still alive worse than ever! She even physically attacked me all along with the verbal abuse through the years. All these years of abuse and being berated has been a nightmare. It has taken over 40 years for my husband to finally understand what she's done to me and our marriage. He also realized his part in this sick relationship. We are no contact now and totally ostracized from his siblings.

[patriciat]

Twice the fun!! My MIL was the type that would smile sweetly, fain concern and say the most horrid things as soon as my back was turned. Gossip was her native tongue. She would pit her daughters against each other or against me for fictional issues then stand back and watch the fireworks. I'd catch the gleam in her eye when fights reached a fevered pitch, then she would go from one girl to the other in private, offering consolation and stoke the fire again.
My own mother was the one that constantly found fault with me, insinuated herself into our marriage, dominated conversations with my husband, and doted on him like he was a child. After we divorced, she invited my ex for dinner at her house! Often! So glad they are all a faint dot in my rearview mirror.

[ReRe_]

She broke up my marriage. But I’m free of all that evil. Jealousy is a evil thing I have God. Amen!

[rajnibhatia]

All my horrible memories come to my mind while watching your wish i could understand these things 43 years Love you Danish for doing great works 🌹🙏to heal ourselves

[cynthiabulley]

I fortunately had the power within myself to always stand up to my mother-in-law without any difficulties. When I first figured out the enmeshed relationship between my husband and his mother (also father), I swiftly began to hold her accountable for her actions. Something no one, apparently had ever done before in all of her 78 years of life. As time went on, my husband and I would get into arguments, and trying to get him to understand what was going on made me sick to my stomach every time I spoke about it to him. Not only did she treat me like a slave, she used his at the time best friend against me, to smear campaign me, she and the Ex best friend would tell anyone who would listen lies about me, how I wouldn't "share" my husband. She tried to control every and any aspect she could get her hands on, where we should spend our one-year anniversary etc etc, it was absolutely disgusting and at times emotionally exhausting. I am grateful for my take no bullshit attitude. I tried the olive branch method, way too many times. Finally, I told my husband, it's either her or me. I am not going to live the rest of my life like this. He struggled unbelieveably as one would imagine, he even told me "You're going to burn my world down". Lol, imagine that. It took me 6 years and me to tell him I would leave to have my husband understand what was going on. His best friend and mother were hateful of me the day we married. And, to make matters worse, once I informed my husband we should have no contact with her, she sold the camp that was in the family for over 40 years to my husband's ex-best friend and they both kept it a secret. His father did nothing to stand up for his son, and do what was right. He is one of her enablers, she has several ha ha! After the recent disconnect, she has basically taken everything away that she could from my husband (We sold our home to take care of his parents who are elderly, had plans in effect to add an addition to the home that was given to my husband, and 6 wks into the post move, she decides to go all Queen Bavmorda of Willow on us, we had to scramble to find a different home to purchase in a town that we didn't even choose to live in). She is truly a monster. Father is very weak. We now do not speak to either of them. My husband and I were weakened, but our love for each other was only strengthened. He is very good at ignoring her, and tried to tell me several times "don't text her anything, she will use that as fuel, whether it's bad attention, it's still attention". Well, I had an extremely difficult time listening to him. I am the stand up for whats right and advocate for myself, protect my loved ones kind of person. Somehow, I found your videos and learned so much! Thank you for giving me the power to COMPLETELY IGNORE HER by teaching me that exactly what I was doing, was letting her continue to have control over our lives!! It took me to watching your videos the exact reason why she doesn't like me!! I am the mirror that makes her see just how ugly, mean and manipulating she is. I have been freed! I hope this comment empowers other women to stand up for themselves, as life is way too short to put up with a nasty, toxic, narcissistic.mother in law!

[pinkposey]

She would be really nice to my face however, she was cutting about me when speaking to others. Definition of 2 faced person.

[air_momo]

I have a narcissistic MIL, but thankfully my husband made me aware of her behavior years ago. However, she treated me very well for years until recently. She would usually turn on, manipulate, guilt trip, or try to control my husband and try to get me to back her. This would cause my husband a lot of self doubt and she refused to recognize what she was doing because “I’m the parent therefore older and wiser.”

Recently, her behavior changed towards me due to certain reasons. She was upset that we did not have a close relationship and I wasn’t trying to reach out to her the same way she did to me. Her version of a relationship is controlling the way my husband and I raise our family, get details and gossip on what’s going on, and asking us for favors because she did something nice for us or her grandkids.

However, instead of engaging in her non-sense, I realized, because her and my FiL live far away from us, they crave our presence and the presence of our kids more than anything to keep up appearances so they can brag about the image of a “happy healthy family.” My husband and I now use our family’s presence as incentives to get her and my FiL to back off.

I consider myself very lucky because my husband is aware of her nonsense and makes no excuses for it. She used to try the divide and conquer tactic, but now that we’ve both called her out on her behavior she knows she can’t turn us against each other. I see our interactions as cordial and surface level. Although she hates it, for my mental health, I refuse to go back to bending over backwards to make her happy.