Covert narcissistic mothers - What are they like?

#covertnarcissistmother #covertnarcissist #narcissisticmother
A video about covert narcissistic mothers inspired by my own personal experience.
Apologies for the bad sound quality in this video. I was in the process of moving home and the room was really empty, so there is an echo while I speak.

[SunnyDeeTee]

My mom doesn't like it when I'm happy. As a child I felt like I had to hide my happiness or bring it down a notch so that she wouldn't feel bad. Pretty crazy.

[KeshiaK]

When they hurt you, they totally act oblivious the next days as if nothing never happened, it's just blows my mind 😞

[AntiMasonic]

I had no idea that mothers who don't want their adult children to move out of the house falls in line with narcissism. Wow!

[coolidgedcf]

"Emptiness" is spot on. Exactly how I've always felt. An empty shell of a person, never truly felt comforted by her hugs abd always have struggled even picking out a Mother's Day card. Constant gaslighting, emotionally immature, always about her. Moving far away was the best thing I could have ever done.

[omnisense]

The first memory I have of my mothers' abuse was when I was very young, I think 4 or 5. And at the time I was very sad and crying. I said to her: "I am sad".
She replied: "Me too". Then she walked away. I feel a void in my heart from that up to this day.

[cameron]

The worst thing is having to pretend everything is ok in front of others from childhood. You learn it so young and continue until adulthood.

[jeananne]

There is this message too from covert narcissistic mothers, "You can't be happy if I'm not happy and I'm not happy because you don't give me what I want".
Crazy -making!

[slimskatey]

I broke my jaw by falling down the stairs as a baby and my mom would tell other adults that I suffered a brain injury. This was nothing the doctor had suggested. She eventually started calling it a 10 second delay and if I did something wrong she would say “are you a ‘resource’ kid?” or “are you retarded?” My grades were generally A&B average but even then she felt the need to tell my teachers that I had a brain injury every single parent teacher conference. It always infuriated me and embarrassed me. She regularly made me question my intelligence as an effort to make me rely on her.

My heart goes out to anyone who is watching this video, good luck in your journeys! Forget the unfair, untrue, and unrealistic narrative you were told as a child and be who YOU want to be!

[sashmax]

You described my mother to about 90%. I went no contact with her almost 2 yrs ago. She is a miserable person and chose to hate my loving husband and made up lies about him for no reason. I will not tolerate her BS anymore. The stories are painful and endless. I am not in contact with my family as she has become the victim, and I am the scapegoat. Don't really care... they can have her. I am much happier with the Lord and my husband by my side. ♡

[RevLetaLee]

It took 59 years for me to figure out why I felt crazy whenever I was around her. My life is so much more calm and joy-filled now that I have stopped spending time with that toxic mess. This is so ON the money, it perfectly describes my mother.

[stregadisalem]

My mother is a covert narcissist but she’s not an introvert. She’s an extrovert who acts differently behind closed doors. This is spot on though, so much of it.

[teralecole]

As a child, if you grew up seeing a nurturing woman and wishing that she was your mother, then that’s definitely a sign that you had a narcissist mother.

Mine always tried to destroy my friendships from the age of 10 until I finally got the memo and just stopped bringing people around. Eventually, she would “throw in my face “ that I had no friends. But that wasn’t the case, I simply caught on and just hid my friendships.

When I had surgery, she was shocked that I had good friends who would visit me at the hospital. My parents would fawn at how beautiful my friends were. And when they didn’t see them, they would weirdly ask me “ are you not friends anymore?” Why would any sane person ask such a question???
What’s odd is that, she’s like the pillar of the community and has so many friends all over the world but she somehow always felt that she had to gatekeep “friendship”, like only people liked her but not me. I’m in my 30’s now and looking back I always thought that was weird behavior from a parent as a child but it’s hard to see clearly when you’re in the thick of it.

Another trait is: Chaos & Havoc. My mom would come home from church and start fights. She loved calling the police because she always needed an audience when dishing out humiliation.

Growing up, I knew that she was off, there were so many instances of craziness but I just had to bid my time and grow up to leave and reparent myself. I never felt the intimate bond of mother/daughter.

Crucial trait: lack of depth, selective memory and triangulation amongst siblings.

Over the years, I’ve tried to maintain a “relationship” with my parents. Due to the cycle, I recently dissolved the our relationship for good. Between dealing with a narcissist husband and my parents, it all become too much for me and it just clicked. I don’t communicate with anyone anymore, indefinitely. The relief I feel significantly outweighs the occasional sadness and loneliness.

Being the offspring of narcissists, I subconsciously became a narcissist magnet. I’ve become “sensitive” and could sense them but never really knew that it was narcissism. I just recall that their vibe feels “familiar”. That familiarity is dangerous, it means that we were groomed for narcissistic abuse. My awakening has happened recently, and I’ve since identified that my mom is a narcissist, so my boundaries have increased and are enforced. Narcissists hate boundaries.

[josierose]

Unbelievably concise. The added layer of martyrdom to a covertly narcissistic person is pure poison.

[Jasonk]

My mum is also a covert narcissist and it has been awful..I never felt comforted by her and was constantly supporting her through my childhood! Thanks for the video!

[HMJ]

I felt like you were describing my own mother exactly. I'm 52 years old and have had therapy on and off for years to deal with the trauma of both of my parents' narcissism and abuse. My father passed away several years ago, but my mother is still living. The hardest part for me is continuing to wish I had a real mother. I don't think that feeling is ever going to go away. My mother talks nonstop and acts like she thinks she is the popular girl at school. She's extremely immature and self-centered. Now that she is in her 70s, she clearly thinks that I and my two sisters should be doting on her. She's a constant "victim" and never, ever takes any accountability toward her own part in things that have happened in her life. The second hardest part for me is knowing that so many people buy into her lies.

[Ed-lian]

I had a covert narcissistic mother.
She has forbidden me every hobby I was interested in.
She discouraged me in every talent I had.
She has removed from my reach all people who could have given me help.

That's a typical behaviour.
Because such people could be dangerous to her.

Because they could give encouragement.

When I had a child, she programmed the child against me.

The compassion I had for her only made me an easy victim for her.

It wasn't until I was 52 that I was able to grasp that it was a covered narcissist mother. What I'm dealing with.

Thank you for sharing. Any support from Trauma Networking is important.

[amberalexander]

Sadly it has taken me 46 years, 2 abusive and toxic marriages and seeing the narcissistic abuse start to happen to my children before I realised what the woman I was born to was capable of. No contact was the most liberating decision I have ever made and is giving me space to heal and find out who I actually am.

[lilywhite]

Why can't you be more like... It has taken me decades to realize I was rejected repeatedly as a child by a bitter, miserable mother, and it has affected my life profoundly. She has no idea she was toxic as she was too busy blaming me and my father for being the problematic ones.  
Doing everything I can to make sure my children know they are loved and valued for who they are as individuals.

[alisabella]

my mom has never been supportive of me and does not love me unconditionally. i have always felt stifled by her presence and that i was not allowed to be me, she wanted me to be like her and if i did not fit the narrative i would be passive aggressively punished for it. she did the silent treatment often and would act more cold to me when i wasn’t being who she wanted me to be. i was not allowed to choose my own clothing, or haircuts, i was not allowed to paint my nails or express myself in any way without her permission or stamp of approval. she decorated my room in her style and i wasn’t allowed to put my art on the walls or personalize it to a space of my own. my entire childhood felt like a prison and i never understood why because on the surface everything seemed normal but inside i always felt a pain and an emptiness and no warmth.

[katieoreilly]

I was my mother’s mother my whole childhood and now I’m setting boundaries because I understand her she does not like it at all. It’s such a battle since I’m still young (23) and I achieved so much more than her it’s is an uphill battle every single day. Stay strong guys 💪🏼