Narcissistic Mothers and Their Daughters - (Two General Outcomes)

Narcissistic Mothers and their daughters usually produce two general outcomes or life living styles in the daughter's pathway to adulthood and beyond. Understanding what happened with your mother during childhood and its affects on you into adulthood, and, partner choices consequently made can be transformative on a healing journey. The Mother Wound runs deep and is a subconscious decision/choice driver in adulthood and a great beacon to narcissists to hone in on a daughter of a Narcissistic Mother.

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[ejpla]

Thank you for addressing this. I do think parental narcissism, especially emanating from the mother, is potentially the most damaging and dangerous of all the narcissistic relationships. It is also, l believe, overlooked by many due to a deeply entrenched belief that mothers are saints and that to criticize them is paramount to cursing God. Thank you.

[sundown]

I AM THE REBEL— thank you for this.

My favorite quote - I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.

I had to fight the feelings of being a “bad person” because that’s what I was told endlessly.

[susanwilcox]

I probably wouldn’t have believed that women could be narcissists if I hadn’t been raised by a narcissistic mother. Everything revolves around her. Everything was “me, me, me” for my mother. She regularly insulted me and others. I ended up the rebellious one. I would go on to marry and later divorce a man with narcissism and then have another relationship with yet again, another narcissist. I even had a narcissistic boss for 18 years until I just quit. I keep running away, but I also keep finding them again in another person. They don’t let you be yourself. It’s all about serving them. I developed panic disorder, agoraphobia and situational depression from these people. Only now are we learning about narcissism, and thank God we are. I’m almost 60 yrs old now, so it’s been a lifetime of dealing with narcissists. I’m tired. I’m trying to put myself first. Thank you for your videos!

[realhealing]

I tried so hard to be my separate self, but I was told that I shouldn't think like that or I had no right to feel rather way. I was so confused at age 8! I knew something was wrong. I finally just gave in to be accepted. Narcissistic mother's isolate their children. I was so lonely. I understand why my life was so confusing. Narcissistic parents set you up to accept abuse and call it love. There's no love in a narcissistic family system.

[heidithesausage]

I was the people pleasing very compliant daughter, for me the only healthy outcome was to go no contact. I really was groomed have been an easy target for narcissists. I stayed in abusive, codependent & manipulative Intimate relationships, friendships & workplaces throughout my career. She is never the problem & she is always playing the victim. No contact has given me peace. Thank you, this was actually validating & reassuring to hear I appreciate it.

[kahnoriportee]

I finally went no contact one month before my 60th birthday and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.

[LaNereNere]

I'm 64 now. And, so late in my life I finally understand my mother's behavior. I can also understand why I attract narcissistic. I'm her only child, a daughter. And the jealousy of her, even with my father, the awful things she talk about others behind doors but, in front of them, she was the nicest person. With tears in my eyes, so late in my life, I have finally understand and it's awful. So naive...😢

[ONLYLOVEIZATION]

I remember going to University in another town 3 hours away and had a bad experience where I was staying. I went home on the train and rang my mums doorbell in tears, hoping to get some mother’s love. I remember it so clearly as it was pouring with rain and I was soaked to the skin. She opened the door, looked at me and the first and only thing she said was “your hair looks horrible like that!”. It broke my heart.

[pickledpepper]

I find it interesting that so many women in their 40s and 50s are figuring out their abu5e and healing. I am one of those. Thank you for the information. Spot on exactly to a t.

[CrazeeMama]

My mom would ALWAYS tell the story (with distain and disgust) about my kindergarten teacher commenting to her "She has a mind of her own" . I was 4. I was shamed my whole life for just trying to express myself and be myself, & do my own thing. There was no room for any kind of personal journey without harsh criticism. I was the rebel. After many many years of self loathing and feelings of failure, I realized the negative narration in my mind was not MY original thought. I was conditioned to believe that if I "didn't walk the line", there was hell to pay. Therefore I did find myself in relationships where I was constantly "seeking approval" and do whatever it took to get it, with the result of not just sacrificing my own emotional needs, but enduring years of emotional abuse. It was a very long and difficult healing process that still haunts me. I am 60. Now, I live MY life. Control is not love. Love is letting someone bloom and grow and find THEIR place in the sun.

[julchenaufdermauer]

Rebel here. I ran away at 17, cut my mother off in my mid thirties. She wrote in her will that I was never there for her even though I donated bone marrow. Growing up that way, you always try to read the mood in fear that a storm is coming for you. I'm pretty good at that now

[TheLadyofEL]

Dealing with a narcissistic mother is draining enough, but when she recruits the flying monkeys, it's totally exhausting. She had them believing she gave me the world and I was just an ungrateful lazy brat who didn't want to do anything in life 😔. Truth is she wasn't teaching. Thank God for the public school system. If it weren't for my teachers I would not have made through school.

[Kiwiwanderer]

My mother always favoured my brother. My parents marriage was horrible. So she started to replace my father with my brother. They both adore each other. And my sister and I are the burdens and the workhorses.

[shivanipawar]

My father is a narcissist. My mother is narcissistic. My parent’s parents were narcissistic. My brother is a narcissist. My ex was a narcissist.

Thank god I’m an empath. But life has been very tough for me. Growing up with shame, blame, physical and verbal abuse is what my life is all about. I’m 27 now, diagnosed with chronic anxiety disorder with anxiety attacks, depression, ptsd and self harm, I feel calm when I hurt myself.

I’m learning to love myself and moving on the path of healing. My souls is hurt and my body is tired. I’m suicidal but still have faith in god. Someday it’ll get over and I’ll be happy.

❤

[phoebeyin]

I am a daughter of narcissistic mother I only realised I was abused by her badly until recently. But thank God! I am having a healthy marriage because God redeemed me 🙏

[thelilliad]

I lost all believe in humanity and authorities in a very early age. My mom was/ is a leading psychologist, and represent the system. She is probably the most sadistic monster I've ever heard of. Haven't had anything to do with her for over teen years, almost twenty (long story). I think people look up to her because she's "well" educated. It's absurd and descusting.

No one in the family, except my dad (who died from her abuse long ago), tried to help me. All the neighbours heard her scream and yell at me all day long, teachers saw me sick to my bone for decades without reacting. That, sometimes, hurt even more than the actual abuse.

She was spreading lies about me all day long. I guess she envied me tremendously, she was absolutely obsessing over me from the very start, and I think she tried to destroy or even kill me almost from the day I was born.

Trying to be open about the abuse, just make people say, "how can you say something like that, all parents love their kids". It's absurd listening to all that evil. Like a victim of rape being spit in the face and beaten whenever she/ (he) speak their truth.

The worst part is that she is in a leading position of the system, pretending to be an advocate for "mental health". It's out right perverted.

Moreover, a child being molested and without protection, makes them an easy victim of all kind of other abuse. Many other adults started to use me as a doormat and a punch ball because they knew I was without protection. Worst part, was when the blamed me for their own kids bad behaviour.

People - in general - are hypocritical monsters...

You'll have to be ten thousand procent stronger than the average kid, to survive a sadistic mother.

[sleekmodernchic]

My younger sister modeled herself after my covert narc, supremely clever mother. They are both Machiavellian and move people around like pawns to accomplish theirs goals. Me, on the otherhand, my mother was jealous of me and punished me for the "crime, " of being beautiful. She said, " I can't have you thinking you're better than other people." Truly soul destroying and hit me in the gut, because that moment let me know what a true enemy my own mother was. I tell my kids all the time, in jest, "I never had a mother, " but I mean it. Well, myself, and 2 other sisters all married covert narcs. I'm healing while living with him, the dynamic has shifted to him being afraid of me. He knows I'm finally, finally on to him. Its only taken 23 years, but it was all so subtle and insidious. But, once you know, the covert narc is a repulsive person. I'm working on my finances so I can extricate myself from my situation-ship. Luckily, he's not violent, but a sneaky, coward. I'm doing fine, because I'm owning my own power truly.

[ivadedeva]

You described my mother who scapegoated me, now I understand why. Plus, a distant father who enabled her. He pretended is on my side without doing anything for me.

[Risa-tznx]

I was/am the rebellious daughter and my ex was a total narc who also really opened my eyes to look at my mother and my both past and current lives. I've always been very mature for my age and have strong opinions, likes, and dislikes about things. When I was younger (more vulnerable) my mom verbally bullied me a lot, ranging from my IQ to EVERY part of my body (making comments about which parts are "good" and which parts ain't). Now she sees the benefits of using my life (my appearance, education, my partner, etc) to get attention and admiration from others, all of a sudden she calls me "her teacher" and puts me on a pedestal. It took me A LONG TIME to really see her for who she is. I used to pity her as the victim of patriarchy, but now I know she is just another bully by nature. She criticized my body as a teen, and now she puts down other women by attacking their body.

[JohnSmith-wons]

Omg ive witnessed this. I used to think the daughter was an obnoxious brat, but having realised what her mother was myself, can totally understand why she left as soon as she was able and hardly speaks to her mother now.