Can Avoidant Men ever Fall in Love?

If you want to learn to build a fulfilling lifelong relationship with the man you love and help him understand and cherish you in return, pick up your copy right now.

Can an avoidant man truly fall in love with you? How can you recognize his love if it looks completely different from what you expect? In this eye-opening video, Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist, reveals how avoidant partners show love and why it often goes unrecognized. If you've ever felt uncertain about your avoidant partner's feelings, this video is a must-watch.

If you've ever felt hurt or misunderstood in your relationship, Adam breaks down the neuroscience behind avoidant behavior and how it affects bonding. By the end of this video, you'll gain valuable insights into your partner's perspective and understand how to create a more fulfilling relationship together.

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Chapters:
00:00:00 - Understanding the Signs of Love from an Avoidant Man
00:02:51 - The Brain Chemicals of Attachment Styles
00:05:45 - The Measurement of Love in a Harsh World
00:08:46 - The Brain Chemistry of Avoidant Men
00:11:24 - The Death Spiral
00:14:11 - Understanding Avoidant Men
00:17:04 - The Disconnect in Love Languages
00:19:59 - Understanding Avoidant Men
00:22:52 - Unifying Approaches to Love with Avoidant Men
00:25:54 - Understanding the Truth

[AttachmentAdam]

The HOW TO LOVE AN AVOIDANT MAN video course is now available!

If you want to learn to build a fulfilling lifelong relationship with the man you love, and help him understand and cherish you in return, pick up your copy right now and write a happy ending to your love story!

[arminxvs]

I feel sad for avoidant people as they don't even know what they are missing out.
But I also feel sorry for people who burn out trying to "save them". 😢

[joshuamurray]

Avoidant man here. Probably the most spot on message I’ve ever heard. Well done, Sir. Keep up the great work.

[MIMIDSH]

He showed his love by working diligently to create a secure, low-risk life for us. The harder he worked to provide, the more secure he felt, though I don't think he ever felt "safe enough". Now I understand where he was coming from. Being lovey-dovey was risky, seemed non-productive. He'd bring me a potted plant rather than cut flowers- more practical, and it symbolized an investment in the future.

[DLT]

One minute of watching this, fixed 45 years of confusion. Deeply grateful

[GrdyGenius]

We definitely can and do. At the time, I didn’t know about attachment types, but my girlfriend often grew frustrated with my hot and cold affection. I knew something was wrong as well, but felt that it was due to my losing 5 family members during the pandemic, I had picked up an addiction and drinking problem. I loved her so much, I found myself enjoying things I never did before being with her. Cuddling, holding her hand, at a party, she spilled her drink on her new shoes, I got on my knee and cleaned it for her, because she was that special to me. My family lured me into an intervention to go to rehab, I was scared, but I thought of how much better our relationship would be with me clean and sober, I agreed and went the next day. Today is my sobriety birthday, I’m two years clean and sober, but I haven’t heard from her since the day I went in to rehab. I’m grateful for my new life, but there’s still a sadness that comes and goes when I think about her. I wish I would’ve went to treatment sooner and learned about this sooner, maybe things would’ve been different.

[stephmarier]

Wow, touchė! I’m a 55 year old man, and recently I realize the potential impact from separation from my biological mother at birth had impacted the fact that I never let a woman come too close to my heart. Your video completes clearly the picture. Thanks!!

[wyopaul]

Dr Smith. I am watching this as a man with this attachment. Most of your videos seem to offer assistance to women in these relationships. What steps can I take to improve on my own? Thanks.

[cherbuck]

As a recovering Codependent, I am trying not to take on more than my share of responsibility for the relationship, this feels like a step backwards. Especially with someone that has not taken responsibility for working on his own issues and refuses to talk about it.

[TheLavenderLover]

Wow… early early on in the relationship, I recall him stating “I don’t get attached.”
Yet, he’s never been able to stay away from me for 18 years hahaha.

[kai-leekenniz]

My avoidant partner recently equated his devotion to me to his new car, and because I now understand how he thinks and values things I was able to roll past my initial disgust with with this concept and recognize several things. He feels he has adequately and thoroughly researched me and the risks and rewards involved in being attached to me, and he considers me a good investment! I was genuinely touched rather than offended. Thank you so much for helping me understand how to translate his language of analytical risk measurement into my own feelings language. 💖 Game changer. 😁 This channel is absolutely worth my investment of time to listen.

[jill]

You are 1000 % right. I am married 27 years to my husband who is like this since day one and I’m finally starting to realize after 27 years married and 33 years together that this is what he is the only problem is is that I was a very loving person, but seeing how I don’t get to love and the way that I want it I feel like I’ve been Becoming like him, and I hate that because I was a very loving person toward him but now I feel cold.

[BarrengerFynar]

I have been alone my entire life, There has only been one girl I've ever loved and I hid my feelings from her, partly out of fear of rejection, but more so because I knew I didn't have the social skills to make a relationship work. I don't know if I'm an avoidant type or not, BUT I'm very familiar with Cortisol and Dopamine. I Don't know if I've ever felt any of the others. At 52 years old, I know I've missed out on a lot of things. I want to feel these emotions, but I've been alone so long, I'm afraid to try. I'm tired of life always feeling like a battlefield. I'm trying to build social skills by always talking to the cashiers in stores (usually Walmart). Its usually a short conversation, but I'm more comfortable talking to people I don't know. This video helped articulate things going on that I knew were happening but didn't understand why, such as always being on guard. I will watch other videos in this series, and hopefully I can finally put the pieces together I've been missing for so long. Thanks for opening the door, I hope I can step though it eventually.

[bcrum]

I am very much an avoidant man and these videos have really impacted me personally. I love my ex-wife but we were never on the same page nor communicated about our relationship let alone as it was on fire and sinking. Our marriage is utterly destroyed and I wish we had come across this channel years ago.

[WS]

Hi Adam, avoidant man here (and have been stuffing up relationships since 2005). You are one hundred percent accurate in your analysis of what goes on in my mind. I applaud you for clearly unpacking what an avoidant goes through and the chemical basis supporting the behaviour. I've watched a lot of content about avoidant attachment styles and none has articulated the issue as well as you have.

[rachelinthelionsden]

“Imagine if you two were stuck in the Sahara Desert…”


Yes. This is how my husband lives ; life is viewed as survival, black white risk reward and to keep that dopamine things are often done at the last minute or on his own sporadically etc etc etc.
I thought this was moreson adhd or emotional immaturity or narcissism but now this makes sense.
I love the working together vassopressin concept and just genuinely appreciating what he does for us out of a well thought out and risk accessed way to love us.
Looking forward to learning more❤

[RaquellTheFickle]

Thank you. My boyfriend is a avoidant, I can understand why he is this way due to his terribly abusive parents that never showed any type of love or affection at all. His childhood was lonely and playing like a normal child wasn’t even allowed. I feel sad when I think about it. He on the other hand has turned that pain in into determination to become a very successful man. He puts 1000% into everything he wants to do, he NEVER fails because he will not except failure.. I have so much love and respect for him. But that’s the hardest part about being with avoidant person, I see him fight tooth and nail to never fail at anything, but then when it comes to our relationship all i need is security and reassurance from him. I need to be told at least once or twice that he doesn’t want to lose me.. but he gets annoyed when I talked about my feelings. I have cut my affection,
physical touching and talking about how
much I love him down to what feels like never. It’s hard when you just want to cuddle and hold hands but the person gets annoyed, that just hurts my feelings. The thought of us being together “forever “ stress him out too.
Do to certain circumstances that came arise in our relationship the last couple months, I have been stressed to a very unhealthy point. I don’t even know how I let myself fall this hard. I’m glad that I stumbled upon your videos tonight.. if he watches this and wants to actively grow with each other, then maybe there is hope for us?

[gwenethmoir]

Adam, thank you. As a person who has grown up as neurodivergent in a world designed for neurotypicals, I see a parallel in the struggles. It‘s so hard for avoidant people (in this video it’s men) as society‘s definition of love relationships is based on something foreign to them. Thank you for providing a platform that teaches our world about different ways of loving. Your videos have helped me understand why I am constantly attracted to avoidant people (for their great qualities!!)

[ghostbearr]

I am an avoident man. I show love be being consistently there for those I care about. I am trying to get better, but without someone to help me out of always being on guard, i will stay on guard.

[lilelly]

This video just gave me so much empathy for people with avoidant attachment styles. It breaks my heart a little. My mother is avoidant, and most of my partners have been. I feel so much sadness and compassion for them now, being stuck in survival mode and not even know what the blissful states of oxytocin and serotonin are, never having experienced it. ❤