I Learned What Love Feels Like For An Avoidant

Today I’d like to have an in-depth discussion on avoidants specifically as it relates to them falling in love and what that looks/feels like.

Love at the beginning of a relationship
Love after a relationship

[markpratt]

Avoidants are capable of love, but they can't maintain it for very long. Eventually thier avoidant side is triggered and there headed out the door...save yourself all the misery, they are good people, but not capable of giving you what you need in the long run.

[zzzzz]

Don’t date avoidants. It’s not worth it. They are damaged people and will only cause you pain. Run.

[musicman]

GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!!!! if they aren't working through their attachment issues they will destroy your life as someone who is secure leaning anxious.

[graysongreener]

You will always be left searching, longing, yearning, begging, pleading for the love of an avoidant and will never find what you are looking for. In the end your demands for these things will drive them away as they rip your heart out as they leave.

[pan.satyros]

As someone who has dated a dismissive avoidant for 12 years I can attest to this. Is the relationship over now? I have no idea!

[susansmith]

I've been dating a DA for 3 years now and it's the most confusing relationship I've been in! I'm a widow and was married for 33 years happily! This relationship has been a whirlwind for sure. He goes silent and bolts when things get difficult! For the most part things are great and then he throws walls up!! I know what it's like to be in a secure relationship! I'm emotionally drained.

[elvinagabriell]

My ex is a DA, we were in a 5 year relationship. Out of the blue he broke up with me 1 month ago because his business was not going well and he “blamed” our relationship was also bad while I saw him keep pulling himself away everytime I tried to get close to him. I couldn’t really understand what he wanted or what he thought. I believe this is the best way God has given me.

[NikkiEdmunds]

I agree with you when you say that avoidants grow addicted to the honeymoon phase of a relationship. After, we come down from the high and realize that we don’t want to be with that person anymore. The more we go from relationship to relationship, the less we experience the honeymoon period. Horrible cycle

[robertlopez]

Screw it. Let the avoidant die alone in their own misery. They aren’t worth the headache.

[jaredvaughan]

Which is why romance books are so popular

[-taylor-]

They're not "damaged" they have had a neglectful upbringing thats all. They will eventually grow out of it if a secure person can maintain the right level of commitment that doesnt cause them to be distant. Even if they were you wouos rhink that youd notice that and give thrm space until they feel safe. The avoidant will aporeciate the fact that you actually understand them and so heal the traumas in the end and hopefully becomes happily ever after relationship! ❤

[renee]

probably one of the most substantial videos about this topic

[marioct]

The second comment is actually correct. It is advisable to run from an avoidant. Avoidants might personally feel the effects of love given to them, but they don't reliably give love.

Should we be feeling empathy for avoidants given that they cause great harm?

[ElectricMaryJane]

The behaviors of a DA sound a lot like a narcissist

[LesleySASMR]

You nailed it.
now I feel more shame. I can’t tell you how often I’ve googled “what is healthy love?”

[Vixinaful]

I agree with the commenter on quora. The will schred your heart to pieces. If you suspect avoidant personality disorder GTHO!

[joannewoodcroft]

I just broke up with an avoidant, and it was the most frustrating relationship I have ever been in. Unfortunately, he was in the midst of a divorce so once the honeymoon phase was over, it was all downhill.
In my eyes I feel they have never experienced true unconditional love. Once, its given to them they feel the need to be disrespectful and put you at the bottom of the priority list.
Hmmmm, he did say he learned a lesson, which I hope serves him well, and helps him heal. I also learned about this attachment style, which is not for me. I will be able to see the signs, and yes leave sooner rather than later.
I am the short term Phantom EX✌️❤️

[valentineroad]

They say that wanting is stronger than liking

[williamarcher]

Was with someone for 7 months, she was introspective and told me she knew she had an avoidant attachment style from counselling. All of her relationships were with emotionally abusive or unavoidable men. We were really happy, growing week by week, told me she loved me, introduced me to friends, she met my family and we had trips together, enjoyed activities together and it was lovely. Then almost out the blue she told me she had doubts, that she didn’t think she loved me and that this relationship wasn’t for her.

[lauraf.e]

Oh my god. I had been long-term friends/FWB with a guy who is clearly a dismissive avoidant. He lovebombed me for years, but I was never sure. There were too many red flags.

With me back in the area he lived in, we met up and finally had sex. I started to catch feelings for him. He then ghosts me 2 days later right before Christmas! I then happen to bump into him in a bar with someone else --- he completely blanks me.

Next, he is messaging me about his longing for "the love of his life." Some mystery woman who is unavailable. I couldn't believe his insensitivity. He has now gone completely cold. It's been harrowing and very hurtful.