7 Signs An Avoidant Is A Narcissist In Disguise

In today's video, I'm going to show you how to spot a narcissist before it’s too late by showing you 7 core signs.

Here's the craziest part, I actually found that one sign might be the key to unlocking the whole thing by itself.

[sandyberger-rj]

One thing I learned living with narcissists: they always SAY the right words, but they never ACT accordingly. Nice talk, romantic birthday cards, but no help with the real work. He watched me breaking down under the load and, instead of supporting me, he scolded me for not being stronger.

[cognitiveconnectionss]

When you were talking about that “off feeling” you just can’t pinpoint, thats so extremely accurate. It’s like you know Somethings off and you know somethings wrong, but you don’t know what and their personality almost seems robotic at times.

[jackiep]

Your intuition is telling you something that your conscious mind has not picked up on YET.

[sonjahalcyon]

Another way of spotting cognitive empathy vs emotional empathy is people with emotional empathy will usually make an effort to take accountability to for their hurtful actions or mistakes, they will truly understand what they did wrong, learn from it, try their best to make amends but most of all they will not do it again. The best apology is changed behaviour.

[zainabmjm]

The “uncanny valley” is so accurate. The more emotionally healthy you are the earlier you can sense it.

[hurricaneaquatics]

Very good video. As a husband of a narcissist wife of 28 years, I can tell you that we label them Covert / Vulnerable, Grandiose / Overt, and I can tell you that based on their supply (friends, family, affair partners, etc) they will switch between Grandiose and Vulnerable based on their supply. They can profess love for you, but not show you love. Then days, weeks later they can discard you and act like they have zero need for you and then profess their need and love for you when they feel they've lost some supply.
It's the most maddening thing in the world until you grieve enough and just say "screw it, I'm done". It will NEVER change and they will NEVER be serious about changing. I'm telling you now, don't waste your time.

[parklady]

You just go around and around and your relationship never goes anywhere. It is like circling a blackhole for years!

[Wisdomforthehour]

Something I noticed RIGHT AWAY was that he would not let me get a word in the conversation and it wasn't nervous talking, it was to dominate. This means they are super controlling. Over time he began to SHUSH me and thought that was perfectly normal if I tried to speak. He just began to exhibit more and more signs of someone dangerous and covert so I've backed away.

[BoudicasRevenge]

Very well done! I'm currently in a relationship with a vulnerable/covert narcissist and working on exiting the relationship. This describes him perfectly. I look back at the things he said about his ex-wife and their relationship, and all the signs were there. Of course, I had no idea this type of person existed. The hardest lesson I've ever learned.

[cheryldee]

Basically, if you are in a relationship with someone who (after the initial ‘love bombing’ stage) begins to feel distant, and only shows any ‘real’ interest in keeping the relationship together…AFTER they realize you’re at the very end of your rope (because of their dismissive, detached, critical, negligent behaviour) and that you (mentally) have one foot out the door. THEN, they will turn the ‘adoration tap’ back on…but, only until they feel secure that you’re not going to leave. And then…the dismissive, critical behaviour ramps up again. This cycle will go on forever…but, only if you stick around to endure it.

[Dirshaun]

What really sucks is they've had their whole lives to refine what they do. Everyone else thinks they can catch one because they watched a few YouTube videos. My heart goes out to you.

[beckymusgrove]

Love your distinction between compassionate empathy and cognitive empathy and the missing ingredient of being moved to action. Actions do speak louder than words!

One thing I would like to point out is that all narcissists have low self-esteem. The grandiose narcissist just masks it better, but it is their low self-esteem that drives them to seek external validation and to put themselves above others.

[lysabelle]

Honestly I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with an avoidant or a Narcissist. Most Narcissist are actually avoidant, and it is setting yourself up for heartbreak. People don't need to be perfect for relationships but the least you need to be is able to communicate Honestly and committed, these types are not even able to be honest with themselves

[FaithfulandTrue]

Replace "narcissist" with "vengeful" personality & it increases understanding. Healthy people agree to disagree, and part amicably. Vengeful people want to destroy you after seeing you suffer 🙏🏻

[susanlewis]

I've now learned that 'cold empathy' is the name for the skill of 'reading' others' emotions and then weaponizing that knowledge. I used to attribute it to all narcissists, but this helps. Thank you!

[Mikeylikesit]

Tried to take my own life after a relationship with a malignant/ vulnerable narcissist. There needs to be more awareness around these people. Not after the abuse.. before it.

[cherylmcelman]

I let my narc back into my life a second time after two years apart, he cheated, so I never should have let him back in, my bad. The avoidance is huge because there was NEVER an apology or explanation for what he did and why he did, instead they just like to pick up where they left off and AVOID any conversations or accountability for their shitty behavior. I finally got this through my head, been 9 months narc free now. Sometimes some of us have to learn the hard way, which is also very painful and damaging.

[thewholeyou]

Basically no matter if they are avoidant, anxious or FA or appear Secure which will only be them balancing the (avoidant nature & wanting to close nature) if you are confused in this relationship or your gut instincts or intuition says something isn't right here just run. We gotta stop pretzeling ourselves into all these different types of detectives/ researchers for a relationship and just leave. We are worthy of more than this BS. ❤❤

[patdbun]

I always used the term, Robot! Something was always off! This person just always left me feeling uneasy and fearful.

[Mac-jchd]

it is so true, trust your own instinct, if it is off, it is off