Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: 3 Early Signs Of Healing

[Mindsetolympics]

1) "Be aware of your emotions but never make a decision in the height of your emotions."
+ Acknowledging that there is a version of yourself that can return to a calmer, more emotionally regulated place.

2) Recognize your attachment wound for what it is. Nothing deeply wrong with you. Knowing you are capable of connecting with people. Knowing you're not a bad person for the bad behavior in relationships at times.
"I can be trusted. You can be trusted. I'm okay. You're okay."

3) No fear/triggering when others express emotional vulnerability.

[Cherrymeanscherished]

It’s nice to know that I’m not crazy and other people are going through this too. We are healing 😊

[belleofthecamp]

A a fearful /disorganized avoidant I’ve learned to “slow dating” and to try to pause or wait…it is best for me especially when I am feeling unsure or unworthy etc. In the past I may have jumped into situations or relationships and then felt trapped or even super anxious (if partner was dismissive avoidant) which then manifested in shame and frustration.

[Itssimplyaisha]

I’m noticing more when I don’t trust myself when I make a decision. I also realize I am very Critical of others and myself. I’m learning to understand everyone can be who they want to be.

[philima]

This video is literally life changing for me. I never knew WHY i git triggered by vulnerability of others. I get reeeally weirded and grossed out by it in some situations.
Also, explaininh that i am actually capable of love and not flawed is a game changer. I always believed i was just not capable of it in romantic relationships. I never understood myself at all. Suddenly getting super insecure or super cold and distant in relationships...i really really started hating myself because i didnt want to be that way. But that's not me, thats the attachment issue. It isn't ME. 😭🙏

[cameryngallardo]

Just summarizing so I get it:
1. Not making decisions in an activated state
2. Being okay with oneself and their actions
3. Accepting emotional vulnerability from others

The content is great as always!

[mlynnmcclish]

I've had therapy, watched 3 years worth of utube videos, listened to trauma podcasts, etc. Anything to "find myself" or figure out "what's wrong with me" I am fearful-avoidant and was with an anxious avoidant for 15 years then jumped into a 3 year dismissive avoidant relationship. This turned my world upside down! I felt I emotionally hit bottom. Finding your videos....has helped me. Saved me. I am officially dating myself. I am for once in a long time.. whole.

[oonaghmolyneux]

‘My nervous system is on fire right now’ is a great analogy. And a helpful way to think ‘who lit the match’ 🔥🙏

[Oujibored]

I lost someone I really loved and something clicked in me. Then I started researching, came to this and am getting my ass back into therapy. I never want to lose someone like her again. Ever. someone who really loves you will change you.

[RandolphTheWhite]

2:55 - "...my calm regulated adult self..."

I've been meaning to develop one of those

[bugjustine]

Just starting this and have to say: I LOVE that you go deep and get expansive. And I HATE the more soundbyte kind of information that is slapping you in the face literally everywhere you look and don't look. So the first minute of this video actually breaks my heart. I know succinct is not always superficial - but it sure risks it. And it kind of precludes taking people along for the riff and the ride - which I feel you absolutely shine at for me. I draw SO much out of it. I mean, some people want only the Cliff Notes and punch lines... but, honestly, they get catered to up the wazoo. We are losing the capacity to think through entire problems or systems and are all about the quick fix. I mean - if you want to speak to both, maybe start your video by saying: this is the topic, these seem to be the take-home points and conclusions - and this is how I got there if you want to join me for the scenic tour. I don't want to miss out on ANY of your thoughts or meanderings. None of them.

[jamiejohnson]

The way you speak about attachment has resonated with me so much more than anyone else on YouTube. I’ve found myself often thinking, “this is not at all specific. I feel like anyone could relate to any of these. This is basically astrology.” But your descriptions have me furiously nodding my head during my commute because you speak to the depth of the experience. Thank you!!!!

[felixtownn]

"You are now able to differentiate between your trauma/pattern and your sense of self. That goes a long way in your healing journey"

"Realize that there is a calmer you behind the pattern behavior"

4:00

[EmpressLestat]

When our style becomes our "beliefs", it's more difficult to heal. At this point I actually believe being self-reliant is a sign of Sovereignty, so when I see others playing the victim, I'm really turned off. I can consciously realize that everyone is allowed their own way of being, but right now I still "believe" it's better to be more aware that your life is your responsibility and not to blame others. I've got rewiring to do.

[NickoseLayne]

I am definitely on the right path. This feels good

[erinmarie]

Recognizing when i am having an emotional experience and expressing it in an appropriate way. In the past, I would bottle things up, or rationalize the scenario but never acknowledge that i was affected by said action. I am now able to recognize the emotional state and clearly express it in a appropriate manner where both parties are able to have their needs met. I no longer blow up and/or cut and run. I can observe when i am activated and take a time out. I am now at a place where i can tame the urge to react, create space, and revisit when i am emotionally stable. Thank you for the content you are creating. Your videos are providing tools and insight for me to reprogram and tap into my full potential.

[chelsey]

I usssed to be someone who gets so easily affected by other people's feelings and somehow, I owned that feeling, it's as if I have to do something about it but the truth... I don't have too because it's not me who is required to regulate that feeling. I'm so grateful to feel validated.. been thinking of this for a long time. It's okay for me to detach. Thank u Heidi 💝💝

[qwbksgd]

This is helping me more than anything has in my 55 years. Thank you for explaining and validating my feelings.

[rainbowkitschen]

This was very validating and encouraging 😁❤️ I find personifying the two different attachment patterns in my mind and letting them have their say without fearing/rejecting them to be helpful. I guess that ties into being able to recognize them as strategies instead of who you are, but it's really cool to be able to place yourself in the observer position and watch it play out inside of you. You still absolutely feel all the emotions that come with being triggered, but you don't get lost in them.
Also, being able to recognize that you're triggered in the moment, communicate it to the person you're talking to and ask for however much time you need to self-regulate. More often than not, the realization comes afterwards. So, being able to do it in real-time every now and again is pretty awesome.

[nishkalaprakash]

I've never been able to tolerate when friends or partners whine or complain. Logically, I know its important to vent and a few times i do that too. But i hated that i used to get irritated and i hated that i would ever feel judgy about someone i love so deeply but this outer critic thing is making so much sense to me. I've never ever had the opportunity to complain growing up. Firstly, I had no clue how to articulate or even identify my feelings. But also there was no option for me to complain. I just had to repress the anger and move on. It really helps knowing that this is where the irritation comes from. I am able to look at my loved ones with so much more kindness now :) And also trying to actually complain more haha