VULNERABILITY TRIGGERS: ANXIOUS AND AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT

**ONLINE COURSES FOR HEALING AND DEALING WITH BORDERLINE/NARCISSISTIC PARENTS AND HEALING YOUR INNER CHILD BY RE-PARENTING YOURSELF (LINK BELOW)

**FREE CHECKLIST: DO I HAVE NARCISSISTIC AND/OR BORDERLINE PARENTS?

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This video is from a new series about healing our childhood and relationships called "Healing Love," and describes how those with Anxious Attachment may feel vulnerable and engage in "protest behaviors," which may trigger vulnerabilities in those with Avoidant Attachment (ie. using protest behaviors).

Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):

1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA

(***This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.

2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"

(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).

3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT

Guided journal to help direct healing from childhood coming soon!

xo

*** Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.

Thank you so very much - I truly and sincerely appreciate you, and the time and thoughts you share here:)

[MoniqueDixon-ii]

Best advice. AVOID an Avoidant‼ The end!

[djer]

While it's extremely humbling to look back on relationship ruptures and blow-ups that I now see were the direct result of my attachment wounds, I'm working on forgiving myself for doing this stuff so that I can heal those wounds and stop reacting in ways that are disruptive to relationships. And at the risk of repeating myself, Dr. Sage is the only resource I've found so far that really nails the nuance and tone of the stuff that comes up from being raised by a BPD/Narc parent. I'm constantly amazed by how much her information resonates, after a lifetime of never seeing my experiences reflected anywhere else. What a relief it's been to know it isn't just me.

[sweetsourr]

Can you guys feel her energy?! Your tone, voice, body language is inviting. Loving.

[sschwartz]

Thank you for this video. I've completely blown my chances with thr avoidant girl ive been dating by getting too anxious and seeking more validation. She simply said she can't give me that emotional support. I always thought I was pretty secure but this relationship made me so anxious it scares me.

[nunyabusiness]

I don't really do the protest behaviors, but I do tell my partner sometimes, "You haven't done anything to make me think this, but I'm worried that you're mad at me. Could you tell me you're not mad?" Or, "When you miss our calls I feel really anxious because it makes me think - and I don't wanna read your mind, this is just my anxious thought - that you don't care about staying in contact as much as I do. And that makes me scared that our relationship will break down over time." I'm really good at articulating my feelings around this stuff in an honest way, even though it's hard, but I still feel all the emotional ups and downs of anxious attachment.... I want to do more to address the root of these fears. I worry that my partner will get tired of my constant asks for insurance and stop loving me (haha)

[Kay-popl]

0:00 intro
2:25 for disorganized attachment
3:51 for secure attachment
4:40 activating strategies
5:37 protest behaviors
7:06 excessive contact
8:19 withdrawing
9:03 keeping score
10:00 acting hostile
10:45 threatening leaving
11:42 manipulation and jealousy

[shawnise]

I knew this was me but actually hadn’t confronted these behaviors until I met someone I didn’t want to leave. I was afraid my bf was going to leave so I left first. My therapist called me on my behavior and im trying to do work outside of the sessions. The more I learn, the more damaged an unprepared I feel. I hate this. Im really hoping he forgives me. I didn’t know how much my childhood broke me until now

[maeri]

Her voice… makes me feel so comfortable

[kimberlywilbanks]

So many triggers in my past relationship, even on the good things, we just kept setting each other off.
Im healing my core wounds in hopes of being able to offer a healthier connection to my partner and a healthier relationship to my self.
I believe the key is compassion for yourself and others, weve all been though pain.

[heidyiglesias]

Most videos about attachment always talk about how/what anxious attachment need to work on or change, but I don’t feel I hear or see videos about how avoidant attachments can do better.

[monbug]

THANK YOU SO MUCH for the energy you devote to putting these videos out for us. My partner and I use them to strengthen our relationship and better understand each other. These videos are amazing resources for those of us who may face barriers when it comes to accessing therapy or finding a counsellor who is as well-versed as you are in attachment theory. Just wanted to thank you and say that you are making an impact in the lives of others. Your passion shows, and is contagious. You’re a natural teacher and many of us are so grateful for you and your work!!

[kevinshinn]

Your work is describing my life after my marriage to a narcissist and the discovery of my anxious attachment. Thank you for the effort to put it out there.

[rhonnieminnie]

im secure, so about 48 hours after my ex left, i knew i would never hear from him again. i spent the next few months in therapy and learning about avoidants. its still bewildering to me that someone could hate me soo much because i said yes to the things he in life he said he wanted. i don't miss him as a person, but i really do not want to get into a relationship with a person who uses gaslighting and stonewalling as a way of punishing their partner for simply for agreeing with them. im going to start making potential parnterhips take an attachment quiz before i commit ever again.

[Jakas-qthj]

How about going to a seeing a trauma therapist and dealing with your issues instead of wasting other people’s time getting to a relationship with them and neglecting them. Should be illegal

[nswayze]

I’ve watched 3 of your videos now and really like the content, out of all the people I watch on here I feel like you’re speaking from experience. There’s something I’d like to touch on though - you say that anxious people don’t know how to self regulate so they look for a response.. I can understand that but sometimes arguments happen or the avoidant shuts down and can be really invalidating at a time when the anxious is genuinely being vulnerable and sharing deep feelings… if the reciprocity of this is invalidating it can feel like a wound or betrayal so you go deeper into anxious brain and it feels like the other person did it to you so I guess what I’m saying is the other person steps on your foot and now you need to go and bandage it up for yourself but other people may just not step on your foot in the first place when as an anxious person you’re actually behaving healthy

[miorib]

I am so very grateful for the shift in you that encouraged you to do this. You have become such a blessing to my spirit. My life is improving every single day, and I owe a great deal of that to your information.

[openyourheartnow]

i really appreciate how willing you are to break each of these concepts down for us. it is so daunting to find CPTSD later in life and be rewinding and playing tapes over and over trying to understand patterns, tendencies and what needs healing. you are beautiful and easy to understand, kim. thank you. ❤

[kristincarlson]

Off topic… love that sweatshirt on you! Thanks for all your hard work! Really love your vibe. Great video!

[maryraider]

Life and relationships are way too complicated! Where does one even start to deal with this?
It’s overwhelming 😢

[angelae.campos]

Yes ma’am I want to be soothed when Im feeling down verses being left alone