What is 'codependency'? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[alma]

Loss of Self:
*Our needs are rejected, so we deny them.
*Our desires are ignored, so we dismiss them.
*Our opinions are invalidated, so we discard them.
*Our values are dishonored, so we abandon them.
*Our words are twisted, so we remain silent.
*Our feelings are too painful, so we numb them.
Kay Douglas

[toristoddard]

This lady is so incredibly brilliant. I have so much respect for her and she is by far the most intelligent therapist I have ever heard. She really understands this complex subject!! I try to watch every video of hers because she is so gracious, knowledgeable, academic and compassionate her approach on the subject of NPD. I'm so thankful to have found her-you are saving a lot of people's lives and you deserve to be hugely recognized globally. I wish I could have had you as my therapist....would have saved me a lot of ptsd, self doubt and confusion dealing with cluster b personalities. you are the real deal. You have all my respect and attention. Thankful for you Dr. Ramani ❤️

[judithfowler]

This was so freeing. "If you've turned your relationship into a full-time job."

[tamlynn]

I used to be a codependent until I read “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie. Life changer! It goes deep into the behaviors and mindset of the codependent. I highly recommend this book.

[Hawelufamily]

I became an “enabler” in my 27 year marriage to a narc. His parents enabled him still to this day. I bent over backwards just to keep the marriage together because of my religious convictions. Finally after exhaustion, I stopped enabling. Started demanding that my boundaries be respected. He filed for divorce. He proved to me that he wasn’t going to change, and that he didn’t love me. I’m better off now. Putting myself first and making myself a priority is not easy, but now I’m not afraid to ask for the things I need from a relationship.

[colywogable]

A lot of children of narcissists are forced into codependence with them on a deep level.

[everydaynicole]

Child of a narcissistic and codependent 🙋‍♀️. Everything you say is true. Spent over 40 years trying figure things out.

[TouchofShunshine]

My therapist told me that I am co-dependent. She didn't explain it to me but you explained it well. People outside of the family can smell a codependent person and they will abuse that person. I am codependent because of self-esteem issues and being overly nice so people won't hate me. I feel as if I have to be this way so people won't abuse me. I have to work on my self-esteem that isn't tied to how other people act.

[christiec]

I think codependent behavior undoubtedly leaves you vulnerable to narcissistic relationships.

[johndeal]

It's scary after recognizing narcissistic behavior. It's like a Sci Fi movie where no one recognizes the aliens have taken over until they're in control of society.

[tiffanypersaud]

"Some people who are stuck in narcissistic relationships have learnt to be very judicious, and have learnt to not share their emotions with the narcissist in their life, but have a full an beautiful range of emotions with other people who are safe, healthy and loving - so it's not like they're constricted everywhere." That is so interesting!

[mm]

That is so profound! “Narcissists exist because the world enables them” 🤯

[lillyofthevalley]

So, what you are saying is that, a child from a narcissistic background, grows up looking for love in all the wrong places. They want those who do not love them, to love them or they feel, inadequate.
The only love they know, is rejection. It's normal to them.

[devidaughter]

"narcissistic relationships are characterized by the denial of your own needs" (12:45) . . . also by anxiety, denial, hypervigilance, stress "that can culminate into physical and significant mental health issues" (13:30), 'constriction of emotions' (13:40). . . "narcissists persist because the world enables them" (18:40). . . "never, ever link your self-esteem to another human being" (19:47)

[Sophia-ixri]

Codependency is not forever. I'm incredibly sad to hear that when people label themselves as codependent (whether or not they are), some take it on as an identity and are held back because of it. For myself, I look at healing codependency as a way of ending the cycle of misery in my life and relationships, similar to how some adults learn to form secure attachments after being raised into an insecure attachment style. Every day, I work to heal and it's the most important thing I have ever done.

[saturninebear]

I remember being hurt so badly by someone calling me a "co-dependent" when I was just struggling so bad to deal with the nightmare my sociopath had turned my life into. I was just trying my best to help this person who had presented himself to me as a victim of terrible abuse who needed saving. He went on to destroy my life and my confidence before I finally threw him out to save myself.

[nacarreira]

I save my emotions for the good, trustworthy people in my life....the narcissists get grey Man, these narcissistic creeps are EVERYWHERE!!!! Thank you, Dr. Ramani...your video's have been invaluable in my healing journey.

[MJBrabantNZL]

I am guilty as charged. Well... Was. I only understood this last year after 37 years of not knowing and found out how I came to be this way. I grew up as the black sheep in a "functionally dysfunctional" family. Nothing I did was good enough for my angry stepfather. So along with the abandonment and rejection issues as a toddler I also had the people pleasing eggshell walking enabler of abuse, which no surprise ended up prime for a 10 year marriage with the narc.

It took a second relationship (really the 4th interaction) with a narcissist that woke me up last year. Now I know what it means to love myself properly, and that includes having boundaries, and healing oneself from all those childhood wounds, and dealing with one's shadow side. Hard? Yes, it can be, but we have a far better chance of doing this than those who abused us.

[narcfreeatlast]

Being able to walk away and stay out of these relationships demonstrates the opposite of powerlessness. It shows power, strength and enough self love to want the best for ourselves.

[Cybraxas]

This comment section is a treasure of experiences of strong women who managed to protect themselves and their children from a lot of emotional pain and unhappiness.