Don't confuse codependency with this

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[davidJohnsonguitarguy]

A definition of codependency that I like is: Injuring ourselves in the process of helping others. I know there is more to it.

[jbrtx]

I'd say codependency is when your sense of self-worth is dependent on the approval of another person. The other person doesn't have to be a narcissist. From my own experience.

[janeloraine]

I had a therapist label me as codependent for staying with my narcissistic ex for so long. I read a lot of her information on codependency, much of which resonated with me. However, I feel like it also blamed me for his abusive behavior. I don't want to feel like I have to defend myself in a space I should be heard and believed.

[NekoYuki]

I will admit that I'm a recovering codependent girl. The good news is, I'm now with a partner I actually feel *safe* with, who understands my issues, who reassures me, who tells me that it's OK to do things for myself, to ask things for myself. And yes, I'm a survivor of narcissistic abuse, from multiple people.

[galejohnson]

I did not sacrifice my own ego and needs to supply a narcissist or keep them happy, i sacrificed my own needs to avoid a blow up. Do you see the difference. The motive wasn’t to serve and enable the narcissist, it was to protect myself from living in hell.

[dianathomas]

One more important reason that should not be forgotten from the list or reason for people staying in dangerous relationships, is safety. We know it can be life threatening to leave an unstable person, and it can take months and years to plan a safe exit and wait for an opportunity to get out. Often the victim doesn't have their own credit card or any cash, or one trusted person to go to.

[lizedbf]

I have been a robot that served my narcisissit alcoholic husband. This behaviour has grown during the 15 years of our marriage. It was the only way to make sure he stayed calm and non agressive. I hated myself, i loathed myself but there was no way out. I do not think of myself as a codependent. It was simply a matter of survival for myself and my children. I had to keep ' the beast' silent. He regularly treathed me and my daughter and brother. I stayed in this awful marriage so my daughter and brother could live their life in safety. Now i have escaped and its wonderful

[Blue-ivfv]

yes, please don't ask people in abusive situations when are they going to leave or judge them for why haven't they left yet. Just don't, unless you are going to offer them the help they need (whether financial, emotional or otherwise). we know it is a toxic abusive situation. we know we "should" leave, but we also know from (usually years worth of) experience or from the way we were raised or from the blackmail or actual danger we have to face that it's not as easy as walking out

[yoshi]

I was labeled codependent by my ex N because I wasn't able to break the trauma bond. "You're so needy" "you're addicted to me" "You don't really want to leave" all these gloating statements trying to paint me as a dependent when it was him who wouldn't let go. It became clearer once I did leave and he stalked me for 15 months after, violating the RO and trying to mess with existing and new friendships I made.

[davidJohnsonguitarguy]

I think approval seeking applies to a lot of people.
A major component to my codependency is approval seeking. It stems from being told as a child, " Kids are good for nothin, kids should be seen and not heard, kids are the ruination of the world". This came from my parents. I didn't matter to them. I was viewed as a burden.

[brigitte]

Just for the record anyone worried about leaving their children solo with the narcissist, it’s happening anyway. It’s better for children to be shown the stark difference between healthy and narcissistic. If you stay with the narcissist the children see the parents as a unit. And the narcissistic parent will always triangulate the child and other parent. If you live apart there can be boundaries and you can differentiate between the narcissist and other family members.

[elizabethculp]

You are exactly right! I was with my Narcissist for seven years and we were engaged. It took me seven years and alot of back and forth with my own feelings of what I was seeing and how I was being treated to finally wake me up. Mostly because for the first half of the seven years I was being treated like a queen and he was doing his part in the relationship. However, with certain things some things changed over time and others changed in the blink of an eye.And {honestly} when you have been treated like a queen the first half of your relationship and that person that you are in love behavior changes in the blink of an eye it does startle you awake. At least it did for me. And after seven years when my Narcissist changed there behavior so drastically over night I knew that I could not stay in the relationship anymore. Due to the fact that a Narcissistic relationship is NOT a real relationship... it's an act and a performance that the Narcissist puts on.

[LesleySASMR]

I had three therapists tell me that I’m codependent and a love addict. I feel that my last long term relationship was narcissistic, but people don’t really want to touch it. I didn’t know the relationship was abusive at all until a therapist told me. So I’m at a point where I don’t even know where I’m at.

[sleepmutterer]

I was in a narcissistic marriage and stumbled across codependency, which lead me into a spiral of despair because it suggested I was being manipulative, trying to get people to like me. In my mind, it lead to me thinking the narc was normal and I wasn't. It took me ages to realise I was just a fairly nice person who attracted assholes.

[reettaelina]

Thank you Dr.Ramani for being the Best Truthteller🤗🎉

[paulieellenkillgore]

So, so measured, so clear, and so good!!! Thank you, Dr. Ramani.

I was in a marriage to a cerebral, religious narcissist for 33 years. I’ve been out for twelve years now.
My therapist adamantly said that I’m not a codependent.
Some armchair counselors in my family have tried to insist that I am a codependent.
After listening to your video, it’s clear that I have never been, nor will I ever be, codependent.

Thank you for erasing that niggling doubt. Bless you and your work!

[CBrown]

I never identified with codependency. I hated every minute of how he was and how he treated me. By the time it got really bad though I was trapped. Finances, children, threats, control, financial and every other kind of abuse.. I honestly hated his guts and just wanted to get away but especially after being isolated and him turning the meager support system I had against me, it was a lot harder than I could even imagine.

[deeh]

I also had this label applied to me (and self applied). But once I left my narcissistic person, almost all the "symptoms" disappeared rapidly. I have been happily single since then 3 years ago) and have not felt any need to "save" anyone other than myself. I am not sure if this means I am not co-dependent, but I certainly question the label these days.

[OrianaAnjou]

you just solved a ton of self-blame Ive been putting on myself. I can say - as soon as I was educated and understood what I was dealing with - the wheels were set in motion toward the end of our relationship. thank you.

[fkeshun]

I used to think I was a codependent too until I came across Dr. Ramani’s videos. I think some of the people who write books on codependency are confused themselves. The distinction between knowing that narcissism is a thing in codependency vs victims of narcissism who are not aware, is a big one!!!