When Healthy Anger Grows Toxic

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Feeling intense anger can feel like trauma healing, but really it's just a step -on the path between being the self-suppression of CPTSD and the freedom to be happy and connected. If you inherited post-traumatic rage from your childhood, and you're using contempt and irritability as "fuel" to get you UP out of depression, you're likely to find yourself falling right back down into a helpless, lonely dysregulated place. In this video I'll teach about how you can tell the difference between healthy anger and toxic rage that hurts everyone it touches.
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[GungaLaGunga]

"Sometimes, I guess there just aren't enough rocks." - Forrest Gump

[herbalwarrior]

I needed to hear this. My parents never showed me how to cope with anger because they never could get control of theirs. It's frustrating thinking about how emotionally immature they were and irresponsible of a decision it was to still have kids. This is why our society is deteriorating among other reasons. A whole generation of abuse and narcissism breeds anger and hate. God Bless you . Love your channel <3

[erinmcgraw]

That unhealthy rage always left the trifecta of shame, regret & embarrassment... Your channel really keeps me on track!! 💙💜💕

[imapandaperson]

I think the best thing to remember is that anger is an indicative, secondary emotion to deeper things, and to treat it as such. It's a warning that something is off, or you are feeling unsafe. And I think because anger is a protective emotion, it sometimes mistakenly tries to protect you from harder emotions you might actually have to face to heal --- like grief. Grief is a very threatening emotion.

For me those root emotions driving unhealthy rage were shame, helplessness, and complex grief --- grief I'd been abused and had an unloving narcissistic mother and enabling father, helplessness that no matter what I tried or how hard I tried I couldn't change my parents, and shame I even had so much anger, because my abuser groomed me to think I was inherently bad.

Not shaming myself for that anger but validating it, inviting it in, and learning to treat it like a litmus test is what led to emotional regulation for me.
That and getting out of an abusive space where my nervous system was on edge all the time.

Anger can also be a way to break out of the freeze response, and children learn that sometimes the only way to put a boundary down is to be angry because no one listens, so it also becomes a tool when they don't have any other effective ones --- having compassion for the child in me that felt so unsafe all the time helped with the shame part as well.

[Catbooks]

I was in a therapy group a few years ago, pretty seriously depressed (situational, about my abusive father, whom I was taking care of). One day I finally got in touch with the anger, and it felt great! I was so happy about it! I expressed this to the group, and they looked at me with expressions of horror and fell silent. The message was clear: being angry and expressing it was bad and wrong. Same message I'd gotten repeatedly as a child. So I froze and shut down, sliding back into that awful pit of the sludge of helplessness that is depression.

The next private session I had with the therapist leading the group, I brought this up. Her only response was that the others in the group probably felt fear at my anger, and that's probably true. But she gave ME no validation, that my anger was appropriate and healthy, and definitely a step up from depression. So once again, the message was other people's feelings were more important than mine, and this time the message was from a therapist, FFS!

It's occurring to me now that an unskilled or bad therapist can do more damage than if you don't go at all, because it's supposed to be a place of safety, and if it's not, you've let your guard down and are therefore more vulnerable than you'd usually be.

[FirehorseG]

Oh my. Just recovering from the aftermath of a triggering argument/disregulation that came out of My poor partner. He's supportive, but it's very draining on him & us. After the crazy anger comes the dissociation which is another kind of unhealthy behaviour. I feel like at 55 Yr old and being let down and abused by everyone, I'm full of anger, I'm defensive, I'm protecting myself as I couldn't protect myself then.
The irony is, I'm a very gentle, empathic & sensitive person who abhors shouting and aggression. It's my protective mode..it's not meant to be offensive, but it sure hits that way to my partner.
I feel I'm stuck in the angry phase and need to move out of it.

[cheeks]

I have rage to tears kinda anger. I had an insecure angry Dad who was a total know it all who spat words if you had an opinion of your own. I decided to be smarter, faster and not let anyone undermine my intellect again ever. We also had strong matriarchs in the family and they are now afraid of me because as a kid you have to tolerate their blind arrogance and domineering nature but when you travel abroad, grow up and then return to visit, you realise that the people who dominated you are not that smart afterall. You just didn't have the language, experience or assertiveness to deal with adults as a kid. When someone is rude to me unfairly I go off but usually I cry hard after at the frustration of being talked down to. This is why people go truly dangerous sometimes. I tend to self isolate to keep away from many people. I refuse to let go of anger because it's the only one sticking up for me so I don't think it's as simple as a time and a place. I like the journaling exercise. Some girls today was mocking me down the park today and all I wanted to do was be violent. I never am but the desire to is definitely there. I cried all the way home with the frustration of anger at not being treated with respect

[PurpleMetal]

As a customer service employee who deals with hundreds of angry customers on a constant basis, I just want to say thank you for this one.

[salravioli]

Anger is helpful. It keeps people away from me.

[elizabethtaylor]

In therapy groups we were encouraged to express anger. I too found it was no relief. The anger got worse. Supposedly once we have expressed anger enough it empties a well and it goes away, but the well seemed to have no bottom. A “friend” told my friend that I was “always angry.” I am still struggling with it and blew my lid at someone yesterday, and feel awful.

[indira_germany_]

I love the saying "If it's hysterical, it's historical"... Thank you for the great content!

[sidlife]

Deep! You know so much about childhood PTSD and unregulated reactions, what you have called Dysregulation. This is because you had childhood PTSD. After I get Angry over something that triggered me, I feel so low after. It is like a cycle that never ends and leads to isolation.

[tomjames]

this is true for me. many of us were very mad what happened to us. i had a feeling of being badly treated as a kid and it never left me. i was not going to let that ever happen again to me! i adopted this twisted attitude of get them before they can get me. yes i was obnoxious, belligerent, and sported a huge chip on the shoulder. i did not want to give up my anger, it drove me, fueled me, and consumed me. i was going to get my pound of flesh back that was taken from me! im 59 this year and it wasnt until miss anna the wonderful said in one her vids, " its time to put down your sword" so i did it. and guess what? yes, im finally at peace with the past, the world and my self. miss anna is truely wonderful!

[trusound]

Rage was the main way of my mother reacting to anything. I developed a wide variety of unhealthy and dishonest ways of either dealing with it, avoiding it, and reacting to my own anger. Only within the past 7 or 8 years have I learned how to not rage.

[naturalebeing]

I feel that... I have just recently realized I get angry when I'm sad. The days before I went back across the country after Xmas with my family I started getting really mean to my family. I was super short tempered and getting frustrated with everything they did. The drive to the airport I was berating my mom for potentially making me late to my flight etc etc etc. But then I finally started sobbing in the back of the car. I couldn't stop sobbing. I was just really sad about leaving and being away from them. I finally realized that I always do this. And then I heard someone say that the root of anger is always pain. Self awareness is just the first step of course.

[LeMacMac]

For myself I notice that I'm angry and critical when I'm feeling hurt. But instead I try to notice that this signals to me my need for some grieving. For example recently I was researching how and where to get accepted for another degree and was feeling furious at my parents and society that I didn't have this certainty that I can continue my studies. And no wonder I was angry, my parents wanted me to quit studying early and start earning money to support them. I felt robbed of my chance to do these things when I was younger, now I'm 15 years later for Bachelor's Degree. This is a genuine loss that I need to grieve. Recognizing that, my anger subsided to the deep sadness of the neglected child that I was back then. After crying I realized that I'm still going to pursue my dream of getting of degree because now I can, now I have the support of my inner parent. So in my opinion anger is good when it leads to grief and it also helps me believe that I'm worthy, I was worthy all along. Anger is good emotion for self protection but it needs the adult self/inner parent to allow it in a way that it doesn't cause more hurt. Anger with boundaries, so it doesn't leave the inner child alone with that anger.

[blackthornsloe]

I was physically abused on a regular basis from a young age. During the abuse my abuser would mock me for flinching and punish me more for crying . I struggle with hair trigger rage today...usually directed toward myself . Thank you for this video. I know I'll be watching it again and trying to untangle all this.

[analozada]

Anger is a powerful form of energy. It can be extremely constructive and motivating if channeled properly, yet destructive if utilized the wrong way.

This video is on point as usual! 🙌💯🔥👏

[wjyrxrf]

I would like some examples of constructive action. As an adult child I have few role models who act constructively in society, for example, I didnt know I could report a doctor's bad behavior to another authority. And when I figured it out most People told me NOT to do it. Because THEY thought it was scary to tell the truth. When I finally got the courage it really helped the situation.

[Suzu]

I am in the throes of "emotional disregulation" after decades with a covert because of my early trauma, and growing up watching my parents argue, I didn't even recognize(quiet, passive ) emotional abuse as abuse....