Trauma Causes Emotional Dysregulation: Here's How to Heal It

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"You've got to learn to feel your feelings" is not always helpful advice for people who grew up with neglect and abuse. Emotional dysregulation is a common, normal, adult symptom of of complex PTSD that can make emotions too big, too intense, and even destructive to your life. Here's how to notice when your emotions are dysregulated, and what you can do to re-regulate them.
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[kimlec]

Writing is more helpful than talking. This is the most important thing Anna has ever told us. She & others are right. If you were silenced when young & being abused or neglected, it is hard to talk. Writing gives you something to concentrate on whilst you write to yourself to allow yourself to have your feelings out.

[jenrich]

it's embarrassing and then after being triggered I later feel shame and guilt and then I "forget" what they did wrong and it's all my fault and that is why we stay in these b.s. relationships cos we think it's all our fault when they behaved badly and didn't care. When we learn to love ourself - we are never alone or unsupported again. We learn to love ourself and reparent ourself and then we can support ourself as we walk ourselves through life with positive kind self-talk 🙂❤⚘We are allowed to be our best friend and cheerleader.

[Joni.b.]

I’m 70 years old and after years of therapy and self-help programs, today I learned that what I’ve been dealing with my whole life is emotional disregulation.
Wow! Well better late than never. Great video!

[susanna-]

“It’s not your fault you got this way.” I bawled. I needed to hear that. Thank you so much. Just subscribed.

[susannaklick-zent]

I’m 6 minutes in and absolutely amazed that I have finally come across someone who explains my emotions without making me feel absolutely insane and neurotic… even after seeing multiple therapists over the years. THANK YOU!

[kokopelli]

"Trying to solve problems when you're disregulated is kind of like driving drunk."
Good analogy!

[dearbrave]

You're not suppressing your feelings, you're postponing your feelings until you're more regulated. Contrary to popular beliefs you don't have to talk things out to get regulated ❤️

[rooyajabarkhil]

Today YouTube helped me realize that I am not depressed, I am not “bad”, I am emotionally dysregulated due to PTSD. Something I always suspected but didn’t know which words to put to.

[basebutter]

The comments sections in these videos are always so eye opening to the fact that I am not alone. They are their own form of therapy. ❤ thanks everyone

[sweetluvgurl]

What sucks is you get labeled as crazy or a bad person, which reaffirms all these bad beliefs you have about yourself in general.

[lalap]

I have been living with this for 15 years. My grandmother bless her soul, did what she knew. She was verbally, emotionally, physically, and mentally abusive. I was terrorized as a lot of us African/ Caribbean kids were. We were told to shut up, we were scolded when making normal mistakes kids make, we never heard I’m proud of you, I love you. I’m so messed up, reactive, impulsive in my adult life. I’m always in fight mode, I’m exhausted, it’s exhausting.

[Hollycat]

SO much more helpful than 'feel your feelings', which unintentionally gives permission to overreact and explode allover people and turns someone into an hysteric who loses friendships and the respect of others.

[Jay-qlgp]

Ouch. I have emotional disregulation. My mom is a narcissist and I was the scapegoat. And each and every time I had a disregulated emotion (from the constant abuse from the entire family) the first thing she would do would be to scream at me to calm down...that I 'didn't have to get so angry' about things. It's a special kind of pain to have an honest reaction devalued by not only your parent, but your siblings. Wow. This meant a lot. Thank you.

[JH-yjkk]

I have cptsd and adhd. The emotional disregulation combined with impulsivity can be a volatile combination. Plus, being neurodivergent, I struggle with social conventions of interactions in the first place. Relationships of all kinds are so hard. You hit the nail on the head with the sense of urgency. I've only recently realized that when triggered I feel like a child in danger, frantically crying out for rescue, safety, comfort, reassurance... what my family should have given me, but didn't. As an adult I am not given these things when I am triggered either. It further reinforces the belief that others do not see me as worthy of care, that I am a priority to no one, that my needs are always a burden to others, that everyone expects me to betray myself for their benefit, that I will always be betrayed or violated under the right circumstances, that everyone chooses me last. Then the loop starts over. I need to protect myself, which I do by lashing out or withdrawing completely.

[Mr.Kamehame]

I get upset over real logical reasons. But I do get too angry and end up being the bad guy. It's absolutely shame and trauma.

[kev]

“Don’t underestimate the damage you can do when trying to solve problems while deregulated. It’s kind of like driving drunk.” Needing to hear that.
Heard it.

[mmegraham]

I've only recently learned to tell myself, "I'm all up in my feelings right now. I'd better not respond to this until I feel calmer." It's really helping.

[mindonthespirit]

I call it the "Ocean of Emotion" as I've always felt it like a tsunami and I become lost in the sea

[tammiesmith]

Emotional deregulation is sooo like a trance-like state, you hit the nail on the head. It's so difficult to snap myself out of it early enough.

[SlWsHR]

Video Summary :


- Emotional dysregulation isn't always about not feeling what you're supposed to feel; it's often feeling too much.
- Emotional dysregulation can lead to extreme emotional outbursts or emotional flatness, both of which can create new traumas.
- Emotional dysregulation can lead to intense reactions, fueled by past traumas, and affect relationships negatively.
- Managing emotional reactions involves noticing, slowing down interactions, and using techniques like visualizing a 'belly knob' to regulate emotions.
- Avoid sending messages or having conversations when emotionally overwhelmed; instead, postpone discussions to regain composure.
- Use paper as a therapeutic tool to express and relieve overwhelming emotions before engaging in important communication, allowing for a healthier dialogue.
- Develop self-awareness and the ability to recognize emotional dysregulation as a trance-like state, allowing you to gently pull back and regain control before engaging in conversations.
- Practice patience and wait until you're emotionally regulated before engaging in important conversations, allowing you to express yourself with clarity, fairness, and love.