10 Signs You May Have An Anxious Attachment Style

[Mattismen]

"We needed fantasy love to sooth the pain of having no real connections."

One word: Ouch.

[ZiliaVing]

10 signs that you may have an anxious attachment style:

1. You are constantly trying to feel 'good enough'.
2. You are an 'intimacy junkie'.
3. You feel more committed (or like you 'love more') than your partners.
4. You tend to suppress your needs in order to not be abandoned.
5. Your conversations tend to rotate around relationships.
6. You tend to 'overthink' in relationship.
7. When you are single you sustain yourself on fantasies.
8. You strugge to set and keep boundaries.
9. You tend to put your partners on pedestals.
10. You are preoccupied by what others think of you.

[SarahSnows]

Thumbs up if you’re anxiously attached to Heidi’s videos 👋

[La-Donna]

“We can build this house very slowly because I have somewhere else to stay in the meantime” that hit me.

[aishwaryasuryavanshi]

You have rightly spoken about anxious people taking a break from relationships, after feeling overwhelmed with all the feelings we do wish to take some time out and relax.

[sheysounds]

That's so crazy. I knew that I had an anxious attachment but one element of it that I was not conscious of was living in fantasy. I am currently single. And I have chosen to remain single because dating sucks. However, I do compensate for that alone time with my fantasies. My relationship life is the bomb in my head. I am getting all the love, affection, and great sex in my fantasies. Like porn got nothing on my dreams. However, as Heidi mentioned, I find myself preoccupied with the desire to be in a relationship, so much so that I want to make my fantasies into reality. So technically, I am never really single because I am in a relationship with my fantasies. I definitely need to work on breaking that habit. Thanks for the info.

[nickchristensen]

Dang, this got more and more real the longer she talked. I feel like she was reading from my journal at a couple of points 😂

[begyneth]

I’ve seen so many videos on anxious attachment but this one I could relate to deeply on a different level. Thank you!

[AndyOchoaR]

My ex-partner has a very typical avoidant style, and even though we didn't understand too much about attachment theory back then, we had a very open communication. He was the one that made me notice I would usually rely on him for emotional regulation and that I would panic when I was on my own. When we broke up, my whole emotional world collapsed cuz I had no clue as to how to self-regulate. I'm on that path now, still attracted to avoidants, tho, even in friendships, but trying to become more responsible of my own emotions and reactions and trying to teach my body that I can be my own secure place. My next steps are trying to travel solo and trying to find more anxious friends, too, to learn to deal with the emotionality of other ppl. Let's keep healing :)

[priscillaallen]

Thank you! At 73 years I have discovered that anxious avoidant is me. A couple of years back my husband of 48 years passed (it was a happy marriage). The loneliness has been very painful. I now know why I suffer so much more than apparently is normal. It is a great help.

[whitewolf]

God I’m so sick of being hurt in relationships and putting in so much effort to get minimal back. I’m just feeling so low right now after this last breakup. I wish I could get some relief and eventually find someone who will just love me and put in effort

[natassiatavares]

I was thinking that I was fearful avoidant because some of the anxious attachment stereotypical’s characteristics do not apply to me, but this video makes me understand them. I thought I couldn’t have anxious attachment because I’ve been single most of my life, my now I can tell I was fantasizing with someone all this time. Thank you so much for this Heidi.

[letsgoBrandon]

That last one really resonates with me. I can't remember a time when I didn't care deeply about what other people think of me. I thought that if I become better then I'll feel better about people not disapproving of me so much. Makes me such a perfectionist.
I struggle to be what I think is 'normal' and feel like a fall short over and over again

[cornishramblings]

Check, check and check! I have just stumbled across your page and am currently binging all of your videos on anxious attachment style. I literally mentally checked off every point in this video 😅 After 38 years of winging life, I have only recently come to the (exhausting but relieved) conclusion that I am, in fact, a textbook anxious attachment style. So much of what you say in your videos has resonated with me and whilst it’s daunting to know I have a lot of work to do, it’s actually a relief to know that one, I am not alone in how I perceive the things I do and two, I can heal.

I have recently met someone who, for the first time, actively wants to support me in this healing process. But with having this attachment style, it is also worrying to be so open and vulnerable with someone when you feel they may leave when you show them the real you. I am lucky that she reassures me and wants to work through stuff with me, but I know a lot of it is stuff I have to work through myself and whilst I work through it, will she want to hang round 😅 It’s almost like a vicious circle. I have been living with this anxious attachment style for so many years now that it feels so engrained in who I am as a person and what my personality is - I almost feel like I have just become this person with this attachment style and nothing can help me now.

When I came out of a previous relationship that left me completely broken, I decided to spend a couple of years working on myself and it helped to a certain extent. But not knowing I had this attachment style meant I hadn’t actively worked on the areas that could lead to a more secure me when in a relationship. And unfortunately, my anxious attachment comes out the most when in a relationship so, it has only been the last few months where I have started to understand why I react to certain situations, and behave a certain way to my partner.

For a long time I worried I’d never be secure in a relationship, but seeing your videos and learning where this has come from over the years has given me a glimmer of hope that I can move towards a secure attachment style. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you…there is plenty more I could say but for now, I am off to watch more of your videos and continue my journey to a more fulfilled and secure woman 🤞🏼😊

[joshbrown]

Overextending yourself is a great way to describe that. I hyper fixated on her and overextended myself to a point where I could never maintain that level.

[ryancowell]

I was essentially read filfthy by every one of these points LoL. I had flash backs all to my last year how it was show cased in relying on another person, the fantasies, seeking comfort outside... Honestly, it was my research and look into boundaries paired with the phrase "I'm not okay, you're okay" that keyed me in to 'Yeah I'm probably anxiously attached."

[bf]

You’re sent from heaven. Thank you for all the work you’ve put into this. The most insightful and specific information I’ve heard on Attachment styles

[charlottespooner]

You are a beautiful light. I am so pleased to have found your channel! I am definitely conditioned as an anxious attachment type but can see how self awareness work and years of healing has already made a difference. Looking forward to learning more from you and improving my relarionships. Thank you so much xx

[keirra]

You are great at breaking things down and stating examples of each of these issues. Amazomg teacher! Thank you for what you do

[Ashley--L]

It makes such a difference the way these are presented. Before finding your channel I've read and heard some about the attachment styles but it never sparked true curiosity. It's like a difference between hearing a short "my day went well/badly" and living the whole day. Your words activate things viscerally ! I am so grateful you are doing this! Thank you!!! <3