Understanding Trauma - Part 14 - Neglect Trauma - Part 1

*****
Neglect Trauma (Little "t" Trauma) is the most common trauma but the hardest to identify. Many with it struggle to identify it because they never had anything horrific happen to them. Tim helps us better understand this type of trauma and the damage it does.

*****

Become a Member!

Understand the Development of Complex Trauma in Your Life
Online Course: 12 Basic Needs

Discover how Addictions are Formed and Find Healthy Ways to Cope
Online Course: Addictions + Complex Trauma

Learn How to Parent Yourself and a Child with Complex Trauma
Online Course: Parent Bootcamp

Ready to Dig Deep and Learn Tools to Recover From the Negative Effects of Complex Trauma?
Online Course: LIFT Online Learning

[kurt]

I thought I had a great childhood. I had both parents, they had good jobs, we lived in a nice home, had plenty of food, medical, new clothes, we took nice vacations every year and Christmas and birthdays we got many nice presents. They went above and beyond in the physical, but the emotional side was non existent. My parents never really even talked to me other than small talk. If you saw the movie ordinary people the relationship between the mother and son was pretty much the same as I had with both of my parents. I never realized until recently that parents were supposed to connect and teach their kids about life. I thought a parents job was just to pay the bills. I'm 52 and I've struggled in every aspect of life from employment, financial, casual friends, and intimate relationships and I never could understand why. But the more I learn about neglect and attachment I realize that most all my problems had their roots in my childhood. And it's very depressing because the best years of my life are over and I've missed out on so much life

[charlene]

I live with intense neglect trauma & I always have the TV or music on to fill the space I'm in, or spend a lot of time on social media to escape the emptiness as a form of artificial connection.

[ladyjusticesusan]

Wow. I’ve never been described more accurately in my entire 60 years.

[susie]

I finally realized at some point that when I learned to be kinder and more compassionate and understanding toward myself, my compassion and understanding toward others improved significantly.

[lynnedavidson]

As usual, I aced the list. Never do things half-way.

[Krptokrayon]

I've listened to ALOT of people in this space. I've listened to alot of your videos. You really understand what people are experiencing. You understand intricately with detail. I've learned ALOT from you. Thank you for these videos.

[neroow]

Neglect trauma is devastasted me. How its link with developmental trauma, attachment trauma. And have childhood loneliness, lost father figure, I have no direction in my life. After I confront it, I figure it lately, that there is generational trauma, how my mom grew up in her family, and she invalidated my feeling, that there are other people that feel worse that I am. I feel lost in childhood, adolesence. And prolonged neglected is affect in my adulthood. I feel lost in my life, like adrift in ocean alone.

[fatenaljmmal]

It's a little bit relief that there's a reason for all weird feelings and stupid life mistakes

[nishanacht]

There is also trauma resulting from witnessing decades of abuse. Ie watching one parent being verbally, emotionally abusive to another for years and years. And receiving it as well. Being Parentified by the abused parent. Narcissism rampant in family members. And rage from unempowered siblings and parent. And on and on. Yes I know they’ve loved me the best way they could, and I’ve been healing for nearly 14 years, sober for 10 years, therapy etc. But wow. The consequences are brutal..far-reaching and undeniable. Feeling like you’ve spent your childhood in a minefield shows up physically, mentally, in one’s health, work, isolation, self identity and on and on.
With trauma, whether it’s little t or not… doesn’t matter. The results speak for themselves.

And Little t trauma in childhood leaves one wide open and vulnerable for experiencing big t trauma.

[PassionateFlower]

Narcissists convince themselves, you, and everyone else that their unrealistic expectations of you are "reasonable" and that your reasonable expectations of them are "unrealistic". Every day is Opposite Day in the narcissist's world.

[moomoomagee]

I use to cry when i heard roommates talking to their mom. I couldn't believe it! I always wanted a mom to talk to like that. I found others to mother me but not the same. Never bonded.

[marysmail]

How about when a child constantly come to parents and is ignored and worse ridiculed, belittled and dismissed...that was my experience.

[roberttremaine]

I'm 68 and despite doing sessions with psychologists, etc. nobody has diagnosed childhood emotional neglect. Listening to this talk by Tim Flecher, I just went, WOW! I had " good" parents but had problems in my childhood, adolescent and adult life. Identified 100% with the symptoms Tim Fletcher listed. At 68, what to do now? Well, I suppose its never too late! Thank you Tim Fletcher.

[reneerainbow]

Wow! Unrealistic self appraisal. I had both not feeling good enough and sometimes feeling superior.

[paulinenjeri]

Healing is possible, i can confirm without a doubt...I now have the best relationship with God, myself, my parents, my job, collegues etc...its just so amazing....Thanks Mr. Tim Fletcher. God bless you.

[sanataj]

The shame in me has been in reverse. I thought people outside my family would like me and I did try for decades to initiate friendship. I only worked sort-term. I have been disrespected and dumped by everyone. Nobody wants to stay in touch with me. So it is not 'just' a fear. It is reality. I expected care, love, loyalty and acceptance. I got callous indifference and contempt. I am boring and needy and feel numb inside.

[mediabreakdown]

OMG this hurts. This hurts so bad. Based on everything she told me, this is my ex. I was dealing with my own brokenness, but her behavior confused and hurt me so badly. I don’t know that having this knowledge would have helped me do better at the time. But it at least is helping me view her with compassion. 🥺

[miuthub]

All of the above and for a time i was high functioning. Now not so much. Overachiever when young and underachiever as an adult.

[JillCee]

I have had a lot of big T trauma but I would say the little t trauma has had a lot deeper impact on me than anything else. This nails on why I struggle with the things I do and why I feel so stuck, no matter how hard I push myself. I had a feeling it had to do with my lack of connection. I have been praying specifically about how do I move forward from where I am now. Feels like I was supposed to see this video.

[carolgates]

Disgusted with a mother who denied everything she did with a lie and still claims that she loves me.
It is absolutely my pleasure to tell her I don't even like her and to shut up and leave me alone. So not sorry finally to tell her that she lies. It's that simple.
So sadly necessary to finally say I am sorry I was nice to her..
Doing my part
Dropping her like an unwanted child, bc that's that. thanks and yes I'm fiercely independent and dislike needing people. 1 out of ten surprise me.. help me with no condescension. Lovely .
Just lovely.

Loneliness is normal for me and I also connect with others easily and deeply but only in short doses with no expectations or hopes for anything more. More is an idol and I have no gluttony for more.