Understanding Trauma - Part 24 - Subtle Trauma Part 1

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Tim explains 4 subtle potential sources of Complex Trauma - being an unwanted child, the death of a sibling, a sibling with a chronic illness and a living with a chronic illness.

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[TimFletcher]

💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.

[truthsleuth]

This stuff should be taught in mainstream education as it's hugely important to know and runs counter to apparent prevailing, enduring, cultural assumptions and ideas that merely serve to cause yet more harm.

[Priceless]

Your talk of an unwanted child brought grief and clarity. I was the unwanted from the woman who blamed me for keeping her bound to her marriage to a man who was unfaithful. I am the first born, and she covertly triangulated, verbally and emotionally abused, alienated and abandoned me from the unit. The man was overtly and abusive towards me. It’s taken me a lifetime to accept the ugly truth of who they are, and to fully disengaged, no contact. I also learned it is not about me, but a reflection of who these people are. It is not okay.

[xtrahiitdancefusionwithsuz]

This is my life!! I could explain it to others, but those who were wanted don’t understand what it feels like.

[journeyspencer]

You have no idea how healing your videos are. Suddenly my entire life makes sense. I knew my father didn't want children. He was extremely clear to us girls he never wanted us, and even worse, we were girls! But I think Mom didn't want me either, because this video nails who I was before God miraculously healed enough of my pain for me to love Him and follow Him. I changed completely as a human being bc of God's overwhelming love. I haven't seen my mother in nearly 20 years and I'm doing good. I have contact with one of her sisters, who keeps my informed of anything she thinks I need to know about mom. She is the aunt who taught me about narcissistic abuse, soul death, etc. I just never considered the possibility mom didn't want me. I think it's clear she didn't. I am just so happy to have the Blessed Hope, and the Lord Jesus Christ in my life. I get great comfort, knowing that God loves me. I don't need my parent's affection any more bc of His love.

[princesinha]

This is incredibly validating. I was the chronically ill child, but instead of getting the support I needed, I felt like a burden, was shamed, and neglected. Mainly by my mother. I eventually became the scapegoat in my dysfunctional family. It's taken me a lifetime to try to recover.

[danapriess]

He's describing my relationship with my mother. I loved my Dad, but was terrified by him. They also suffered the same circumstances in their childhoods. It's so sad how this passes down generationally.

[DeannaRodriguez-ur]

And if the father tries to smother the pregnant mother? At 60, I have just realized how terrified I have been of my father my entire life. He abandoned us when I was 6 but my body still carries all the trauma of those first years. I never attached to either parent. Mom was busy with my chronically ill older brother. 14 months after me, another brother born. Older brother dies 6 months later. So much grief and lack of attachment or emotions. 46 out of 60 years of abusive relationships followed. This is all so familiar to me.

[myphonyaccount]

I needed this guy when I was 5. And again when I was 8. And again at age 11. And because I didn't have this content at those ages, I didn't understand what has happening. But psychedelics over the last 4 years has corrected everything I was born with from my parents and what society allowed to get worse because of the drug policy and now I can intellectualize what he's saying into the corrected, optimized, healed me.

[mberchoco-tlee]

"Falling endlessly into bottomless darkness" I had physically experienced this falling in my sleep every night starting roughly as early as 2nd grade. My body was in so much pain falling and fear in my sleep and I constantly wished I could just die anytime to end this nonstop physical exhausting, suffocating, dying experience. As the moment typing this, I couldn't stop crying.

[lalaland]

I was broken now I’m fixed. I have adopted anew. Great doctor great message. Every person needs to hear this. I listen to these videos daily. They cover a wide range of emotional therapy helping myself God is good. I am growing tolerance for the bs I went through and the bs I am going through. I am a work in progress. I’m patient with me. I love me. I forgive me. I forgive the ones who wronged me in my life then and now. God is good. Thank you Dr. Tim for seeding my spirit

[RobertaFierro-mcub]

Continous put downs and reminders of where exactly you stand in a family or community will add to how rotten Life can be. Its tough to ignore at times but regardless you grow stronger.

[Enlight-the-burbs]

The unwanted child … your work is just so accurate. Bless the women who knew you needed to stop milking cows ..

[MrEllipsis]

The part when you brought up many factors that have the potential to interrupt bonding with a child in-utero...explains generations of trauma on a certain group...and why "they" are viewed in such a negative way. Amazing stuff Mr. Fletcher Ive been binge watching your vids and its changing my life. Many thanks and many blessings, I even watch the Christian parts...I grew up in church.

[UncleBubbaUSA]

Tim, When is it too late to get better? I don't expect to restart my life but I want to at least stop carrying all this to my grave. Maybe even have a good friend or two before I die. Perfection and people pleasing have always been my go to " they will love me tactics". Never really did much but get me used. Too old and unhealthy to do anything but wait for death now, but I hope that wait may be a little lighter and have some genuine joy in the final times.

[stacysedgewood]

Thank you so much for this. Dealing with the core shame and self-fulfilling prophecy of pushing people away before they can push me away.

[god_bless_u]

it is always exactly point on with any of your videos and I want to say thank you, things I never knew about myself and the reasons I have parented the way I have.

[esm]

Interesting. This could be me, I was the 8th child. My mom had had 8 in 12 years, and my father was involved and supportive but put in long, long days. She had always said she wanted 12, and she maintains that she planned all of us. But I wonder about that sometimes. She had to go to work when I was just small, due to insurance costs. I remember smarting off to my mom one day and she told me how very close she was to leaving us kids. It scared me pretty bad.

Coincidentally. My mom probably had a fair amount of trauma herself. Her parents were always fighting when she was growing up so she became a people-pleaser and cleaned the whole house every day so they wouldn't get divorced. Even though her dad was grouchy as heck she said she always said she would go live with him, or he would be alone. 😢 Then her mom passed away when she was a newlywed and her dad remarried. She had no time to grieve and as a consequence became very depressed the entire time my siblings and I were young. She was a great mom, but she was also pretty depressed and anxious. Occasionally she had a short fuse, but her temper was pretty tame.

[mhmz]

Wow hit the nail on the head. No wonder I feel trapped by my family and abandoned

[Horseyperson]

My mother yelled at me. You were a mistake I never wanted you. My father denied that she didn't want me. I remember it. I feel that haunting fear. I’ve been depressed my whole life. I have an intense waiting for the other shoe to drop. Not a people pleaser. My parents both had a sibling die. My dad said his mother never loved him after his sister died. Screwed up family.😢