Anger and Complex Trauma - Part 2/11

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This is the first of a series of 8 parts on how people who have Complex Trauma can deal with anger and control issues.

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[robertafierro]

Today is my 64th Birthday and my gift to myself is listening to this lecture with my little dog by my side! What a Beautiful Day!

[AiCash-mcfb]

I am terrified of my own anger. More than anyone else's. So much that I avoid looking at ppl just so I don't become triggered by their faces.

[cokerslife]

To anyone who finds watching these videos too hard, I know that feeling. In just a couple of years, I have made so much progress that I can now watch his lectures without all the guilt and shame. I have healed my relationship with my kids and I have healthy friendships now. I thank Jesus for Tim Fletcher and for the Spirit using his teachings to help me heal and repent from the sins that I developed to cope with my trauma. TIP: Don't watch too many of his videos at one time. That is part of your trauma and then you just sink into darkness from all that's wrong with you. Just focus on doing one thing a week. The best thing I did was stay in constant confession to my kids. My kids respected me for my confessions and they saw a real change in me. Being aware that you are triggered is the beginning. It doesn't stop the trigger but over time, it gets better and you don't explode so easily. If you have to repent 7 x 70 times in one day, its okay. You have grace to grow and your kids will be better for it.

[megane]

My mother likes to embarrass me and shame me in front of people about how I was as a child. Apparently I had bad tantrums as a toddler. Thank you for the validation, I was crying out for attention, and this was the only way to get it.
Now they shame me for trying to do better with my girls

[unlimitedmynd]

Really incredible insights. You have a gift for making this understandable. Understanding makes PTSD and anger less confusing. Knowledge is very empowering. To everyone who had your heart hurt as a kid.... I send you deep love. May we all heal.... xox

[mirthadarby]

Thank you Tim for explaining things without condemnation, just explaining it calmly. It's so helpful.

[davidnorman]

Thank you for this video I feel like I have been angry all my life.

[lawrencedavis]

I've been working in chemical dependancy for about 7 months now and listen to Tim's talks. I've learned so much from him.

[fabulouslife]

He is speaking about me. Took me years to realize that I was angry. And I really went crazy.

[YFCGT]

My fucked up complex trauma, addiction issues and mental problems, AND HUGE RAGE AND ANGER problems just ruined my entire life, lost my career, my car, my doctor, my bank, my friends, my mind, my health, my money, and my fiancée. God bless me and forgive me as I am dying inside .

[conradterry]

omg thank you so much, years of confusion gone in 1hr.

[iw]

The silent treatment is awful, i would rather my spouse yell at me. at least i would know what is wrong. Conflict resolution and processing all the stuff from work is difficult for me. Growing up I was punished when I asked questions, Go to Your Room!!!! Thanks so much for all the wonderful programs you have made available. Very helpful. Blessings to you and Your Family.

[CMoore]

Thank you for sharing this video! Blessings to you and Everyone listening.

[RenLC]

Thank you so much! I really struggle to feel angry anymore until it bursts out at small triggers

[ashleighthomas]

So much admiration and respect for this man

[rachelorr]

We keep talking about honesty, as it has to do with anger and loving relationships. But I was taught lies are safe. The truth is scary and hurtful. And I still feel it.

[forgiven]

"You scheme at what you don't have..."

I think of manipulation here, too.

I once had a partner who would always talk about his lack of peace with me. I could not find ways to minimize myself enough until I flipped the script

"He doesn't have peace and thus he needs me to continue to (unfairly) show up in ways that he can tolerate in himself."

Until I saw that my neglect and abandonment of myself was undermining the wisdom of inviting him to look at his own self abandonment, I was stuck in a painful and angry cycle.

I agree that boundaries are important. Also inviting others to be their own intimacy with themselves and to allow myself to be a witness to yet not responsible for, helped to create space to have my own experience devoid of their projected needs that I show up in a way to help them (through manipulation versus genuine humility). And to stop manipulating myself that I needed to save them in anyway, including to "save" my relationship.

The understanding that anger is also a protector of my boundaries has been helpful insight.

Blessings brother. I'm so grateful of your ways of relating information so well digested its easy to assimilate.

[stevejohnson]

I'm going through Tim's LIFT program. I love watching the process of becoming aware of these things.

[lupiewarrioritaliano]

After over 17+ years in AlAnon, each video I watch I hear so much more that I can put to use asking with my CAL tools. I knew he ran a recovery program when I heard reference to a Higher Power. I was hooked before then. Thank you. I'm grateful for these new awakenings that become new, and healthy tools.

[netters]

Finally, an explanation. This is so helpful. Thank you.