Are They Avoidant ? Or Are They Just Not Into You?

Are they avoidant or just not into you? Do you want to know how to tell the difference between avoidant attachment and someone who is just not that into relationships due to their personality and someone who just isn't that into you? It can be very difficult to tell the difference between someone's disinterest and their emotional avoidance behaviors. In this video, we discuss these two situations, how to distinguish between them, and how they can be similar.

Craig is podcasted on all major platforms.

[ChrisLT]

First ten minutes were good, but the last five seem to be the most important.

[dangood]

So spot on. Had an avoidant girl return into my life 1 year after no contact. She was definitely interested but avoidant. But there’s another girl who is a total mystery. Insecure attachment is avoidant as well. Why choose someone not choosing you? Why choose someone who can’t give you what you need? Because I was avoiding true intimacy

[tjbohmier]

Golden!! Been following you all for about 8-9 months now and this one really drives it home. Ultimately, "are you happy regardless of an attachment style OR are they uninterested!? It's the same result if they act like they have no idea what your concerns are!? Poor communication, no communication, emotional drama, neglect. Just choose you and live your life. Their loss may or may not be felt later but it does not effect your deserved happiness.

[juhichaudhary]

Coach Craig, I am personally testifying that what you say about no contact and building your own security is the most effective way. I was with highly dismissive avoidant and probably borderline— it was due to my association with him that I ended up on your channel two years ago. I did some workbooks too. I hoped and prayed for him to come and finally out of my own self respect, I slammed him for poor treatment and walked away. I was damn sure he would never ever contact. I moved on to a point of indifference … and just now, after a year! He texted! And he was the most stubborn, rude person one can be. And you were right he approached me indirectly—- he shared some stupid bill of a taxi meter from another country and said sorry I shared by mistake. I know very well it was no mistake. I am so done with him though I would think of him often in the terms of that your principle of no contact will never work on him. He is one example and it did! I only replied back “no problem “ and feeling vindicated. I don’t want him back but to all those who fear and worry - just work on your security and Coach Craig advice does work!

[kathia.]

So so true. I was and still am like Sherlock Holmes and try to understand every little thing. Where as happiness and true meaning of the relationship is lost...

[btstakescareofmewhenimsick]

Things were way more easier, or simpler before the internet. We used to label the dumpers as "selfish aholes" and move on faster. Now, we try to understand them 😂

[summervirgo]

This absolutely resonated with me at this exact moment… with everything going on in the world and a death in the family I did reached out, long story short said how I felt and these things need to be said while you are still her and knew he would not respond…he is an avoidant that has been able to open up however when strong emotions get involved runs away … after 8 years of this and doing a lot of growing up in the last 5 months since apparently whatever I said hurt him and triggered something that I still can’t seem to understand but it’s time for me … despite what I have put up with but understand now it never had anything to do with me and he has a lot of inside work to do as well as I do… it’s a painful growth but you have to accept you will always love the person even if you move on but will feel different… looking for the day I will not feel pain for him anymore and be only a memory because he may never change, need to accept that truth…

[susansmith]

Great content! Thank you for this video ! It's almost been 3 years for me being in an avoidant attachment style boyfriend. I'm a secure attachment style and wow has it been a roller-coaster relationship. I'm learning a lot about attachment style and working always on my relationship! Thanks for helping people that go through this with their partners.

[Lucy-jcwg]

when things are at their best, going great, there is the fear that it is all downhill from here and the pressure, burden, and certainty that there is no way to keep it up, and it's bound to fail once they get to know the real you, it's debilitating and exhausting when you feel you have to live up to expectations of an ideal you (that you may have created in your own head)

[estevenfabila]

There’s plenty of videos on how the anxious attachment can work on themselves. What can the avoidant do to work on their selves??

[rashadm.sadigov]

Them not putting the effort becoming not attractive is the key word. Thanks Victoria

[katjagrum]

Great video!! I've been thinking about this since our split. It doedn't matter, what really is important is me trying to make the best of me and make myself happy.

[pkploxe]

He laughed when I mentioned ppl have therapy for childhood abuse & might be worth exploring. That was the moment it was decided to move on as things were never going to progress

[palae]

I think with an avoidant it’s more clear when they LOSE interest vs if they ARE interested. But the other attachment types it’s more confusing when they lose interest because they fear abandonment or want the benefits

[duartesantos]

Thank you for this video, i really needed this

[damiyapeebles]

The back and forth is draining. But in the end, you are made to feel stupid even when you felt like you could see them warming up to you. No pressure either. Just trying to move at their pace and hope to God that they see you’re not trying to pressure them into anything other than coming to them when your best intentions. Fun. Easy. Still doesn’t work. Sometime they just aren’t capable. It’s sad. Cause they shit on the wrong people 😞. Always choose yourself FIRST! ❤️

[unhealingwithsandy]

Idk why this video popped up but I watched it and it brought me back to the days that I found Coach Craig (I think before Margaret was even on the show).

It was years ago and I was with a DA personality type. I was an anxious, desperate mess and would have done anything to get my ex back.

Craig helped so much. I did what he said and even though it seemed hopeless because I had done everything wrong after the break up not to mention my ex was a DA, but he actually came back and was begging for a second chance, to multiple surprise. By then Craig had helped me grow so much I wasn't interested any longer.

I've had a few hiccups along the way but keep remembering and doing what Craig suggests and with each one I only become more healed and whole. I'm not 100% healed but so much better than where I started.

Watching this video I'm seeing just how much I've grown over the years, from anxiously attached to more secure with anxious tendencies but now I see them and I can curb them quite easily.

I guess my point is to thank Craig and also to say that change is possible. Growth is possible. And people change and your ex can change too. But the most important thing is that YOUR relationship with you is most important. I think if there is anything to take away from Craig is that you really can't go wrong if you just focus on you and take these hardships as an opportunity to grow into a greater version of you.

[CK-ulut]

This video is a LIFESAVER. I couldn't understand why he invested soo much time, caring, help, and loving words. But when I traveled to visit (long distance rel) he would avoid intimacy!! And then go stronger again. Right when I felt he was falling in love. Thanks again to both of you. I tend to attract avoidants, do you have a suggestion for healing from this? 🤗🙏

[brookelight]

With an avoidant, relationship might work if the avoidant is an Women, and the pursuer is a guy. Because guy’s role is to chase, to provide platform for relationships to develop and it is sexy as a men to pursue. However, relationship is extremely difficult for a guy to be an avoidant. And he runs away whenever feelings are closer. For a woman to pursue relationship once the avoidant guy runs away is not attractive, which takes away guy’s responsibility as a provider. In the long run, the avoidant guy just so so spoiled to not provide material emotional stability.

[mathews]

Just take things slow and time will reveal exactly what they are and how they will be. Might take a couple months but trust me, it will be evident. Show them how you want to be treated by setting boundaries. Then watch their response. A secure person will want you to be comfortable and safe. They will hear what you say.