Losing my relationship and my home (HDB resale flat)

Finally sat down to share. Asked Eugene if he was ok with me putting this up and he said he's OK too. Think we both felt that we didn't have all this info when we needed it so we hope it's useful to others. It's been a real rough patch but I trawled through and survived so if you're in a similar pickle, you'll get by!

Also, as much as the monetary losses are a huge pinch, I understand why the system is built this way and why HDB needed to penalize our change of mind/heart. It's simply adding insult to the injury since the real pains came from the loss of our relationship. Money can and will be earned back eventually.

EDIT: I do want to highlight that our net loss wasn't stated in the video and the info provided is to give a rough idea of the upfront payments required from us upon the surrender of the flat.

I couldn't provide the detailed numbers because we weren't given the exact breakdown of what was interest and what was the grant. I can't recall the exact amount of grants received either because the EHG was calculated after the submission of all the documents and wasn't a whole number given to us at the point of application.
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SAY HELLO:

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[chowanmushi]

Thank you @ EVERYONE for the warmth and support you've shared with me. I am immensely grateful for your kind words ❤️
And for those who have asked questions and shared info to refresh my very cluttered memory. That being said, I have some important factual clarifications to make!
1. Overaching cost I wanted to share in the video was the upfront payments/cash out we had to do because that was the big question mark in my head back then.
2. The ~77k was NOT a net loss! Apologies if I had misphrased it. While we had to pay the money back, the break down of this cost includes the housing grants that HDB had given us to purchase the house.
Enhanced housing grant = ~20k
Family Grant = 50k
Any additional monies paid back was accrued interest.
3. The 48k difference in purchase price, while painful considering market conditions, is not something I think HDB should've done otherwise. Since an actual valuation of the flat would've allowed us to profit off the house, making it unfair to everyone else in the same system.
4. If I'm not wrong, the flat is sold in the sale of balance of flats, and not the open market. I do not know the sale price of our flat after it was surrendered back to HDB, so I cannot confirm whether or not HDB made a profit there.


On a random sidenote, if you happen to be the new owner of our old home, please take good care of it! And I still get a ton of random deliveries to that old address because people don't notify me when they send things over sometimes, so please let me know if you've been taking my parcels LOL.

[Dargoyaki]

So proud of you for confronting this again and sharing it for other people to learn from. You'll find your home eventually, sooner rather than later, I know it :)

[grant-music]

When one door closes, many other doors open. It's scary, still, because this might've been the only door you've ever known, but whether you're aware of it or not, you're already breaking new ground. Yes, the emotional and monetary costs of this have been great, but I believe that you will eventually find a new home in many new spaces, new experiences and new people. You're a fighter, keep fighting 💪

[kenzone]

Thank you for sharing. It was an honest and heartfelt account and I appreciate it. It actually brought back my own sad memories of divorce years ago. The home we shared was a private property but it was no less painful as we had to sell it quickly and below market value so that we could get a portion of our CPF monies back and move on to look for separate accommodation. Like you, both of us felt that home we shared was really our sanctuary, and till today nothing compares to what we had then. I have had 3 different homes since my divorce, and nothing has that same feeling of home and comfort of my first home with my ex. But thanks again for sharing, and be strong and move on. After the rain there’s always sunshine on the horizon.

[alfochewy]

Although im a year late, i hope you are doing better now. Thanks for being brave and sharing your story. We are living in tough times now. Housing crisis, high cost of living, doing our best at maintaining a healthy relation with partners and looking after own health. While it may not be a significant amount, I hope it makes a difference.

[TrackerJackerrrrrrrr]

thanks for being so raw and intimate with your feelings on the internet! its not easy going through something like that but its life and its inevitable. stay strong! supporting you from afar!

[beny.]

Just a suggestion for those wanting to get a place before marriage - rent a place for a year or two to live with each other. After that, it will become clearer as to whether your relationship is built to last.

[mypignest]

Love comes and love goes. I ended, or rather we, me and my partner ended our 6 year relationship and I do understand everything you’re going through.
I have so many good memories to carry me through the years ahead and so many lessons learned from this relationship.
Good luck to your future undertakings and hoping love will find you again someday soon.

[ayleenng]

We have just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. Life is like a roller coaster. Ups and downs but you need to complement each other. No marriage is perfect. No one is perfect as well. Getting into a relationship is a mystery but staying in a relationship is a challenge. Good luck.

[NicoleBernadette]

Thank you for your vulnerability to talk about something so real and personal❤️ You’re inspiring many with your courage to share your story!

[rachelc]

felt like giving you a huge hug after u talked about your flat being your dream.. it's really not easy to leave something that you loved so much and you are so brave for sharing your story 🥺 i'm sure many people are excited to see you find happiness wherever that may be for you!

[Zampy]

Wholeheartedly agree about the pains of housing and relationships being tied together. Thank you for sharing your experience so that others can learn as well; I’m so proud of you for talking about your story, especially knowing how mentally and emotionally draining this has been for you.

But things will go up from here. And I can’t wait to see you settle into your forever home in the future 💪 Got your back all the way - love you chowchuap ❤️

[jordanchew]

hey girl, I know how you feel when you leave a long term relationship. I have been in 2, 1 for 10yrs the other for 4yrs and the reason why they are exs is because I just cant see a future with them. as you said, we just have to move on and don't ever stop believing that you deserve better. I found my current girlfriend amidst this pandemic thru apps and she turned out to be the best for me so far. dont ever get pressured by societal view and opinions on what should be and not. everyone is on their own timeline and we travel at our own pace. I'm not young anymore and my gf is 9 yrs younger than me but we're working out fine. always believe and you will soon find a home, not a house.

[frostysnowys]

Thank you for sharing your story, Chow! It must have been very painful to go through all the financial loss on top of grieving for your lost relationship. I appreciate you stick to your belief of using your platform for public education as well. There definitely should be more info out there about the housing system. You’re right that being a homeowner is not as important as being at home. Hope you have a sense of peace and belonging in your current place :)

[rysten]

When I first watched your video on 18 Mar 24, I empathised with your story.

Then 8 days later on 26 Mar, my husband suggested a separation. I was devastated. We have just moved into our BTO 6 months ago and haven't even settled down properly.

I am not sure why this video got recommended on my feed, but I now fully understand your pain, going through the process myself.

[blueraineee]

Agree with the sentiments about 'never having a place to call home'. I never really had my own rooms as I had siblings, and even when some finally moved out, their stuff still lingers around. Owning my own home has been my dream for a long time now too and also never felt like I had a place to call home. It's just a different feeling when you get to own your own home. It doesn't help that housing is hard to obtain in Singapore... and even BTO means waiting another 5 more years. It's so painful!!

[Sniperkiller]

Totally feel you, breaking up after a 5 years relationship for me, things for me having spiralled downward and causing my mental health. It is never easy, even though we thought we might be ok. We never are totally ok. I am still working on myself to find a way to pick myself up from where I broke down.

[tirtakusumo]

Hey. I am 44 years old this year and I don't even know that the cost of cancelling hdb is so costly. This is a very eye opening video. Relationship is not easy. No one is right or wrong but more like a match (sounds tinder) from characters(almost no 1 in the requirement), hobbies, food to daily routines. I can only say lots of self willing sacrifices along the way but hey it will make all of us a better person in return. All the best. 😊. Thank you again for the great video, most impt great content.

[sohchrissohchrissohchris]

Stay strong, it's very you to take a moment of personal hell and turn it into a learning opportunity for everyone else. Only when we experience the unbearable do we find out who we truly are and I'm sure you'll come out from it all the stronger 💪💪💪

[pohjoel]

The most frustrating thing is that there is no correct answer to how relationships work. To some, buying a house can be a common goal, target, commitment to work together, and for those same exact reasons, it could also tear 2 people apart. Time will heal, and money can be earned back, and when you look back on this someday, you'll probably see this as a small blip but a big lesson and experience in your life. Adulting is hard, but far from impossible. Wish you the best!