The Fear of Ending a Relationship

Some of us live in such dread of ending a relationship, we'd rather sacrifice our chances of long-term happiness rather than endure a tricky few hours. But the discomfort of endings can be overcome once we understand that ending a relationship doesn't have to mean ruining things for a partner, it can actually mean saving their lives.

FURTHER READING

“Let us imagine that we know what we want – to leave a relationship – but that we are suffering from a problem which inhibits us from acting on our wishes: we can’t bear to cause another person pain, especially another person towards whom we feel a sense of loyalty, who has been kind to us, who looks up to us for their safety and their future, who has expectations of us and with whom we might have been planning a trip to another continent in a few months. Perhaps we have come near to telling them on a dozen occasions, but always pulled back at the last moment. We tell ourselves that we’ll get around to it ‘after the holidays’, ‘once their birthday party is over’, ‘next year’, ‘in the morning’, and yet the deadlines roll by and we are still here…”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Natalia Biegaj

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions

[returninnocence]

I'm surprised you didn't mention the fear of being alone...I think ALOT of people stay in unhappy relationships because they are scared of being on their own

[_rmel]

I ended a 2 year relationship a week ago that I knew for a long time I wanted to end, but I was crippled by fear. Fear of hurting him, fear of the unknown, fear of regretting it, fear of not finding anyone better. I turned myself inside out trying to make this decision, and when I finally did it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But even though I'm sad to say goodbye, the relief I feel now is unbelieveable. To anyone going through this, trust yourself and trust your instincts. You know what you need to do.

[omarvillamar]

Why does telling the truth sometimes feel like you're committing a crime?

[mitsjol]

Me: I feel kinda--
School of Life: ITS YOUR PARENTS

[maitrishjain]

Bold... They dropped this vid just before Valentine's 😂

[oqba]

"We need to differentiate between love, attachment and the feeling of insecurity."

[Meryamtin]

The only thing I'm really proud of is, taking breakups so gracefully, and I had so many guys breaking up with me, whatever I feel in that moment, I don't share a tear in front them, and I say " it's ok, I wish you good luck, and you always will have special place in my heart" and go, if I meet them in future I'll say Hi and be polite, not because I'm nice person, my ego wouldn't let me to look weak, now I start to learn to put in my mind that anytime that person might decide to leave, and it's thier right, I don't own them, I start to appreciate the time I did spend with them, and the things I learned for them, letting go for my own peace of mind.

[longdistanceaswell]

My husband knew he didn’t want me many years ago (never told me) and finally left me. He was afraid like in this video. It’s true what was stated at the end of the video that “you’re not doing them a favor”. He was distant, had short fuse with me, cheated on me, and wasted my youth. My advice for all of you is to first tell your partner how you feel and seek therapy, spend time together, etc. If those things don’t work then move on. I could’ve had precious years with someone else who loves and appreciates me. I could’ve suffered a lot less without getting cheated on.

[Ai-bwep]

I'm afraid that the next person who might want to be in a relationship with me would be worse than the current one.

[sevilla]

I need a video called "the fear of never starting a relationship".

[reeen]

For anyone needing to hear this:
It’s okay to be sad even though you were the one who broke up. It’s not selfish to feel that way – it’s human. You’ve deeply disappointed someone who trusts you and – most importantly – loves you. You’ve hurt a person you never meant to hurt. You don’t love the person you thought you would love the rest of your life. But in the end, what’s the point of a relationship if you don’t love anymore? You – just like everyone else – deserves real genuine love and so does the one you broke up with. Tell the hurtful truth so the both of you can eventually move on and hopefully meet the one you can love and be loved by the rest of your lives.

[IslaDale]

I ended a 5 year relationship 6 weeks ago and it was truly the hardest thing I have ever done. I started having doubts about 9 months prior, just little niggles at first which I tried to ignore but it grew and grew over time until I was pulling myself apart over it from the moment i woke up to the moment I went to sleep. I couldn't think about anything else. Spoke to him regularly about it, but genuinely wanted to put him first and hurt myself before hurting him. it reaches a point where you can't live with it anymore and you have make a final decision. We lived together which made it so much harder to walk away. Now I'm so much happier even after just 6 weeks. first 2 weeks were so hard and you have so much doubt but now I'm starting to rebuild my life on my own and can put myself first for the first time in years. so liberating. I'm saying these things because when I was panicking so much about it before making that choice I raided Youtube for videos & comments which would help me, and if you're reading this you CAN do it. I thought I'd never find the strength to break things off but eventually you know it's time. Trust your gut, you've got this x

[koketsok]

I wanna ungently end my relationship with student debt

[Dr.Kornelius]

Girlfriend: What are you watching there?
Me: Ehhh... some nonsense

[Exofell]

I pulled the trigger a month ago. Don’t lie to yourself, don’t lie to them. In the end the other will understand. Things will get uglier if you don’t. Also the animation of this vid was amazing.

[TenzinDorjee]

Ending a relationship became a procrastination to me.

[melloanaligia]

I think the worst part is mourning not feeling the same before actually breaking up. Because you know the person is great, and a great friend as well. But to continue would make you both miserable.

[sophiab]

Yes, it is
- the fear of hurting them
- the fear of making a mistake or eventually regretting breaking up
- the fear of never finding anyone good again
- the fear that since what I am doing (breaking up with someone who loves me) is bad and ungrateful, then I am going to get some type of hecked-up karma and next time I will be in love and get dumped :/ even though I know keeping them is not doing a favor to both of us, if I get resentful and we're unhappy.
I also think the way mainstream media or pop culture portrays the dumpers, basically all over the world is very unfairly and unhealthily villifying.

[TheCrayonMan]

I'm afraid of ending a relationship cause I know how it feels to be on the other side. It's painful. I don't wish that upon anyone.

[yunting]

Care too much others means care too little for ourselves.
Love yourselves more (not to be selfish) as you are the one to be with you a whole lifespan.