The #1 SIGN That Relationship WON'T LAST & How To End It... | Matthew Hussey

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I post new love life advice for you every weekend.

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Not a day goes by that someone doesn’t ask me this question in one form or another.

Why? Because few things in life involve more gut-wrenching second-guessing than deciding when to quit a relationship.

With heightened emotions and conflicting intuitions, it’s no wonder this situation gives our hearts and minds disorienting whiplash . . . all while wasting our most precious resource: time.

Today’s new video could end up saving you months or even years of pain by providing you with the questions you should be asking when making this big decision.

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[pixeldojo]

"Consider how hard it is to change yourself, then you realise how foolish it is to think you can change other people" - 🔥

[tmcknight]

"Our relationship with a person is the relationship we have today, not the relationship we have in the future". That was my epiphany moment.

[divergentone]

The biggest mistake we make is rushing into relationships before we truly know who the other person is. We get overwhelmed by attraction and feelings (especially when things get physical) and most of what we think we 'know' of the other person is imagination - a fantasy of sorts. Most of us will put our best foot forward when we first meet someone, in order to impress and attract them (and you can be sure that the other person is doing the exact same thing) this adds to the fantasy - the perception of who the person is rather than who they truely are.
I know it sounds old-fashioned in today's world, but I believe if we went back to simply dating for an extended period (without physical intimacy) and kept an open mind and focused on truly knowing each other, we would be better able to find more suitable partners.

[sadiaali]

Yup. You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue in their actions.

[outsidernews]

WHEN TO QUIT: BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF! Don’t waste your time on the wrong person, and don’t make excuses for him or her and fool yourself! Stop expecting him or her to change!
1. When things won’t change for the better.
2. Your needs are not met, and he/ she will not be able to meet your needs in the future.
3. Constant disrespect and blame shifting.
4. He/ she is always the victim, and turns the argument away from the real issue.
5. No responsibility taken and no positive changes made.
6. No constructive communication.
7. Avoidance of looking deeper into problems/ issues.
8. He/ she won’t change because no acknowledgment, and no indication and no commitment to change him/ herself. No motivation to change.
9. You are always walking on eggshells around him/ her.
10. No true understanding and deeper view of what is bothering you or hurting you. He/ she just does not care!

[jennjohnson]

Fear of abandonment hurts more than staying until staying hits a threshold of more pain than abandonment then we leave.

[uncannyvally]

Minute 22 one of Eckhart Tolle’s greatest teachings: So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.

[_kyyh]

We have only three options in life:
1) they change, to be more I need;
2) we leave;
3) we stay and revise our expectations of the relationship with the person

[trenchrock]

Just ended my marriage of 10 years and it was extremely difficult but I wasn't benefiting either of us and we were both miserable. The hardest part is that he would have stayed miserable forever on the basis that 'staying together' was what we were supposed to do. He may think it's because I didn't love him but the reality is that I loved him too much to have him waste his life with someone he didn't really like that much. Hopefully someday he'll realize it was for the best. As for me, I've been single for 6 months and plan to stay that way until I do all the work I need to break my pattern of staying with men who don't really seem to like me or think I need to try harder. Tired of feeling like I need to earn someones love. It's just not happening anymore.

[violainefiset]

I was in a relationship for 6 years and leaving was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
I wasn't happy nor fulfilled in that relationship and was killing a part of me by staying, but I couldn't let go.
My needs weren't met & we were fighting/arguing a lot.
I was staying because I was attached and holding on to my idea of what we "could be", but it wasn't what we were.
I was staying because I was so afraid of being alone and never finding someone else.
I was staying because we made it work for 6 years, so we could continue to "make it work". But "making it work" isn't having a fulfilled relationship.
It took me MONTHS to accept that I had to leave...
He was my first love.

[pudgdgp]

I ended my 2 year relationship with my first love a month ago. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I felt instant regret for hurting them in the process. But it DOES get better, and slowly I’m realizing that it was for the best. You can’t date someone’s potential. I wasn’t being loved in the way I wanted or needed, and recognizing that is important. I still get anxious about what could’ve been and have doubts but they’ve been slowly fading. If you’re going through the same thing, remember you’re worth being loved by someone who’ll love you in a way you need/want. That loving someone should be easy and you should feel happy and energized when you’re with that person. Everything will be ok.

[melocoton]

IMO the time to leave is when a few things start to happen:
- you start dreading coming home to this person or them coming home to you
- you would rather be anywhere else than sitting across from them at the dinner table
- you start to walk on eggshells
- you start second guessing everything you say or do, wondering how they will react
- hearing about their day is torture because you really do not care, or they make it obvious they're not interested at all in listening to you
- you or they don't treat the relationship with respect
- hearing them breathing next to you on the sofa makes you want to climb up a wall
- the bad moments start to be more often than the good ones
- you've had several conversations about expectations and issues and nothing changes
- disagreements are escalating into screaming matches

[shrlyc]

It hurts when you allow yourself to believe that they will change for you when you've done the work. Now it's time to respect yourself enough to move forward, one day you'll and thank yourself.

[travellingincognito]

Having just left a relationship with an addict, I think the reason why we stay in bad relationships for longer than we should have is because we cling onto the memories of the good times where we have seen their potential (to be a good partner or a good friend). But people rarely live up their potential because of the amount of work required to get there, and that's ultimately for them to figure it out, not us.

[charliebelk]

My ex was not a toxic person or mean in anyway, in fact he was incredibly loving and kind. I adored that about him and those were the qualities I embraced. But then there was his lack of ambition. We had fights for the entirety of our relationship about being long distance and not being there for one another. I even moved to his country for school and he refused to move 4 hours to another city so we could be together, always finding excuses or reasons as to why he wasn't ready yet. Finally, one day, after contemplating leaving for months, I broke down crying while he was visiting. He was supposed to leave in 2 hours and enough was enough. I sat him down and broke his heart. I still feel like a terrible person for doing that, don't think it was appropriate timing, but I am proud with how strong I was in the moment. So then I came to this video, been questioning if I had made a horrible decision and my epiphany moment was realizing that even if he was making steps, it wasn't enough and it wasn't something I could accept. Nothing is going to radically change tomorrow and I deserve someone who loves me and makes the effort for us to be together.

[dreamitearnit]

If your partner always ignore you.... Back off from that relationship.... life after break up will be good

[a.d.b]

I can't move on to new affections that easily. Deep inside I'm still connected to the last relationship. The idea that a new person can suddenly mean so much turns my stomach.

[kristabland]

I *highly* recommend really getting to know someone before starting a relationship. I had to let go of a connection that was recent (3 months). The connection was intense and I was tempted to be swept away because we seemed compatible. Right on the dot, within 90 days, the real character manifested itself. His life is dysfunctional and chaotic and he was content to just distract himself rather than fixing it. He also deflected and blamed whenever I brought up issues we were having but never took any personal responsibility. Just imagine how much more would have happened if I actually decided to bypass getting to know him just so I could have a relationship. I shudder to think! My biggest lesson for myself is that if I date someone with the hope/intention that he'll change, he is wrong for me, full stop. If I'm smart, I'll tap out and move on

[traceylennon]

"It doesn't mean he's going to change, it just means you're giving him another chance" talk about pearls of wisdom in that sentence ALONE!!!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾💯💯💯

[jasonfawley]

I am driving myself mad. So true. Had a same thought a few days ago. They are not affected by the daily pain WE put our mind through by ruminating about the needs that are not being met.