How to deal with defensiveness and defensive people

HOW TO DEAL WITH DEFENSIVENESS AND DEFENSIVE PEOPLE
➡️ Upgrade your communication skills here:
________________

In today’s video, I’m going to teach you how to deal with defensiveness and defensive people. I’ll start by taking you through the 7 most common signs of defensiveness so you can identify it as it happens. I’ll finish off by giving you some useful tips on how to combat defensiveness if it has taken over your conversation. If you've been asking "how to communicate better", "how to improve your communication skills", “how to be less defensive”, “how to have better conversations”, then this video is for you!
-----

FREE THINGS:

________________

Interested in enhancing your communication skills in your relationship, with your family or at work? Check out the Pass on Conflict program:
________________

If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up, subscribe, and share it with your friends.

CONNECT WITH ME:

[johnnydoe]

I wish I could share this with my SO but she’d probably still get defensive about it

[YuliaGrushevskaya-bihe]

Thanks a lot🎉😅 it is amazing how many people working in public organisations are self defensive😂

[daisytea]

My friend is very defensive, we always end up arguing.

[mindheartmatrix]

Can we just put all the defensive toxic angry manipulative people all together in a certain geographical area so the rest of us can live kind, considerate, communicative, boundary respecting, honest, good intentioned lives in paradise?

[deesmith]

Started working with a new lady. As soon as I give her any kind of direction she gets very defensive with "I know how to do that!", "you think I'm stupid!" and "do want to find someone else?!". I try to start with a compliment on her work & then explain I'm only training her. It's really awkward and tense. But 5-10 minutes later she acts like nothing happened and she's my best bud. It's almost like she's trying to victimize herself at the time. I've never met anyone like her. I also strongly feel she might have a metal illness of some kind. I'm literally lost for words! HELP!

[daykbd]

Right now I'm waiting for my boyfriend to get home so we can talk about something that bothered me in our relationship that is important to me, but he's always incredibly defensive. He does all of those things pointed out in the video. I was baffled.

Watching this was very helpful and wish me luck!

[m.]

I do all this, and it helps in navigating out of the conversation. But when I actually need to come to some sort of solution with other person, it doesn't do anything.

[alexnightray]

Some of your examples point out two serious problems to watch out for, too: gaslighting and straw-manning, which falls in with avoiding personal responsibility.

[mooniem.]

My husband does all of these. Thanks for the ideas. Having an hour break apart at the moment more for me than him. Pretty sure he's a narcissist because when he isn't doing this, he's telling me why I'm wrong about everything including what I"m feeling.

[thathealthfusionlife]

This was very helpful. I try to do those steps all the time. However, when I see toxic reactions towards me though I am striving to see their need 1st, I can get hurt and feel the need to repeat myself because I don't feel heard and I want to be treated just as considerably as the other. So I will work on my part. Thanks for the refresher tips again

[AubreeFusselman]

Taking a break sounds lovely.. it’s difficult because EVERY single interaction is defensive. It’s hard.

[akiadima]

I have a roommate who is defensive and I don't want to unintentionally hurt her feelings when saying what needs to be done. I know the consideration doesn't go both ways but I feel like this is a good tool to have. Also I've been there soooo 🤷

[hahadarrie]

I’m a new mom 10 months I was out of town and he brought flowers and put them in a vase. I had been home for a few hours and didn’t know he placed the base of flowers in the living room. I tried to make it known to him I appreciated his kind gesture just my mind was thinking about a million other things. Visually I didn’t see the flowers at first but when brought them to my attention I was so grateful to have them. How to handle such a situation?

[GFarrsight]

i have a very defensive girlfriend and little patience so its a fucking nightmare sometimes. I come from a family thats not about pettiness or beating around the bush so i literally dont understand the defensiveness sometimes. We both agree you need to do this yet if i EVER bring it up its "I know, i know!" and then the person proceeds to not do shit about it. Then when your ready to leave the relationship they are wondering why its so fucking frustrating.

[SusanaXpeaceu]

My mother will ignore me for the rest of her life before she will let me talk to her. I've been trying to have a conversation with her for 18 months. She has martyred up. Given me the silent treatment. Stonewalled me. Accused me of shouting. Told me to think of her feelings (while ignoring mine). This is the HILL SHE WANTS TO DIE ON :-(

[Stephen_Strange]

We all make our bed, we all have our own fate, destiny. Everyone learns and knows things at different times, and we can't all expect to know the same things at the same times, we have to be patient with defensive people, all we can do is let them know we are there for them.

[adriennemiller.music.]

i offered to take a break and continue later, the other reacted “i don’t wanna continue, cause i’m not interested in people who just keep projecting”… What now? 😃 I was enjoying that i didn’t get defensive and that i could stay at ease and playful while the other person kept getting more and more defensive, especially when i said that i notice the defensiveness and i would like to continue another time…
And i’m not gonna keep on trying to resolve it, when it’s obviously one-sided 🙂🤷🏻‍♀️

[deemasaad]

I work with someone who made it clear he doesn't want to work with me. I got our boss involved because he's disrupting my work and it was horrible he was raising his voice and being incredibly defensive..I feel mentally drained. How do I work with someone like that?

[princess]

Thank you so much for this it's weird because I can communicate so well with strangers and friends but it's like my mind goes blank when I start communicating with my husband and that really makes me sad I'm trying to accommodate to him and to me as well so that we can have the best communication

[kiufkhgdiyrsiytgf]

My grandma will take ANYTHING personally. She is also verryy OCD. She will argue and find reasons to be defensive at me for monotonous things, such as wether to wash a can... It is too tiring to speak to her anymore