Narcissistic defensiveness vs. a REAL apology

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[katesage]

An apology without change is just manipulation .

[sparkygump]

Saying "sorry" is just a reset word to narcs. You won't get real remorse from them and they'll never change their behavior.

[tabbylivvy]

An apology that ends up making you FEEL WORSE is usually NOT AN APOLOGY. #Gaslighting

[Laura-uqxk]

Saying " sorry" from a narcissist point of view, means "if I say this magic word, will you stop complaining about my awful behaviour and give me what I want again?"
It's like after they said sorry, you have to be all nice to them and give them the attention, or whatever it is they want from you. If ' sorry' gets you to shut up about their behaviour, they'll use it. But nothing really changes.

[deenadamico]

There is never an owning up to THEIR behavior. The words "I'm sorry" are inevitably followed by a justification or shift of blame: "I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea" "I'm sorry you took what I said the wrong way" "I'm sorry but I'm not going to sugar coat things"
Or, in the case of my covert narcissist mother... crocodile tears and a big dramatic "I'm so sorry you have such an awful mother, and everything I've done still isn't good enough for you"

[mikeblain]

Narcissist "sorry" usually means regret that they have been forced into an apology. It never means remorse.

[evagabrysova]

When I was crying as a child, my mother would ask me nicely to tell her what's wrong. If it was something she did, she would rage at me and I had to apologize to her.

[istateyourname]

'I'm sorry you feel that way' is the textbook NON apology of a Narc.

[cathy]

An apology without any accountability added on is something to be aware of.

[kc]

What “I’m sorry” really means to the narc is “can you just get over it and act like nothing happened? I mean to hurt you, but I’m entitled for you to act like nothing happened.”

[lovemybenz]

In 30 years of marriage I never received an apology, just gaslighting. He passed away 1.5 years ago, and I'm healing! Life is good, blessed beyond measure

[rover]

I think the worst part about their fake apologies is that they make everyone else believe that they apologized, so that they look so good. And you know it's fake, but everyone else around believes that it's real and so you get gaslighted by them too.

[csfiskus]

The most I got out of an apology from a narcissist was "There was a misunderstanding", "I'm sorry you are upset", "I meant no harm", and "I'm not perfect but (points out your flaws)"

[p.w.]

I received a "reconciliation letter" from a narcissist that wasn't defensive, but was typically transactional. It basically said I regret what happened, but I forgive you, so I would like you to forgive me. Lol.

[DaveJohnson-Php]

As an adult I told the Narc brother how he came down on my head with a chair when I was 9 years old, his response, "That's because you were bothering me". Fast forward to adult life when I brought forward how he was treating me as an adult, his response was to yell, "I'm sorry!!!!". He is now divorced and his adult children don't want to be around him for a reason.

[kc]

I received an “apology” letter from my sister with whom I went no contact. She said “I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done” and went on to say we both had issues, etc. I believe she was trying to make herself feel better since after decades of abuse, I finally cut the relationship off.

[alsam]

Fake apologies are easy in the English language because we use the same word “sorry” for apology and condolences. “I’m sorry for your loss, ” is not an apology even though the word “sorry” is used. “I’m sorry you feel that way, ” is condolence. “I’m sorry I hurt you, ” is an apology. But, in the case of the narcissist, even the condolence is not sincere. He’s not sorry you feel that way.

[JK]

Fake apologies is to get you to enable and justify their behavior. In their mind, they win at all costs.

[jasminegallardo]

I received an “I’m sorry that you feel this way” yesterday. I replied, “You don’t need to feel sorry for how I feel. You can be sorry for your actions, but not for how I feel.”

He left me on read.

Thank you for this video. It’s a reminder to move on and let bygones be bygones.

[FrogsWife]

My favorite “IF I hurt you”. I literally just told you that you did.