Starting Over After Heartbreak

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In this week's episode of LOVELife, I take a call from Christina, who just got out of a long term relationship. We discuss the ways she can break away from her broken heart and start fresh!

Video links at the end:

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[starshine]

The trick is not minding that it hurts...beautiful words

[Harlowe]

From the perspective of a man who was the next relationship: be sure you're over your ex because you may just hurt someone else. The woman I was seeing had been abruptly dumped by her ex after two years together. Nearly a year later, and after seeing me for two months, two days before Christmas, broke down saying she still missed the guy and wasn't ready for a relationship. She said we'd stay in touch, but haven't heard from her since, and I have reached out. Needless to say, I've experienced the entire range of emotions.

[storyofwill]

Brutal. This phase is brutal. I want it to go away. I want to be happy. But it's just so god damn

[igelido]

"The trick is not minding that it hurts" I love that

[josueefigenio]

This is what's wrong with people. They don't allow themselves to heal from the past. And have the next person deal with the consequences. watch out for these type of people.

[jp_jas]

A lot of relationship experts/couches simply repeat the same stuff over and over again. However, Matt somehow always manages to look deeper and find unique things to say to every person.

[GioyaMcRae]

It also helps if you have a life to go back to. You should always keep your own interests, hobbies, activities going after you enter into a relationship. That way, if it doesn't work out, you can move back into your own life as you heal.

[emma]

this was spot on, especially the part about comparing new people to your ex, i did that a lot when i started dating again!

[nstruebluey]

Lord what a beauty! He's bulked up I see...anyway, can't get distracted from the message of the story. After a heartbreak you have to re-invent yourself. You might find a lot of change in yourself. You might cut your hair, be more flirtatious, or pray more. You're going to change for the better. Just be in the present, take life seriously because spending those days in bed when you could've been out enjoying life is going to bum you. Take time to heal, cry, express how you feel...so writing, music, painting, poetry, will be perfect tools. Don't worry. Life gets better. Breakups are a test. X

[mb-knpu]

I'm going through a break up too. I'm lucky I dont have any reason to see them. It takes time but it gets better day by day. I stopped over analyzing the situation just accepted the fact that he didn't love me.

[rolsonDotcom]

I'm ALWAYS going to love my ex. She became part of my life and always will be. She is with someone else now and it seems to be going well and I want to be happy for her. The pain lingers though, along with the good memories and the bad memories and times when things weren't going well. I've tried suppressing the pain by working on myself by getting fit again. The pain still comes and goes. I loved that last pearl of wisdom. "You have to not mind that it hurts."

[annechristinerivera]

I decided to take the word date like diet out of my vocabulary. I consume healthy foods that make me feel great and go out and meet potential new friends.

[Doug]

That last part that he spoke about was real deep where he spoke of the line from the movie where you have to not mind that it hurts. Where you're excited and know eventually you're going to get burned. I think that's a brilliant analogy. Putting that one in my back pocket. It's been a month since the breakup. I was on the receiving end. This is a bad one. The pain's horrible.

[qitmuham]

I almost started crying when he said the trick is not minding. Whew, what a word!

[danieller]

Your advice reminds me of a line in Paramore's song, Last Hope. "It's not that I don't feel the pain, it's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore."

Great advice, thanks Matthew :)

[naterk]

When the person that you love breaks up with you, pushes you out of their life, basically says to you "I think my life will be better off without you in it", you grieve over that person because the person you once loved, the person who used to love you is gone. That person that you were in love with doesn't exist anymore. You lose them like you lose a loved one to death. What I've always heard from people who deal with that is, you never really completely "get over it", you just learn to live with it. I loved her and her daughter so much. I have tried everything, and I'm starting to think the pain will never fully go away.

[saranalen]

You could tell he teared up in the end when telling that story, it made it even more beautiful

[gweniorchard]

Who knew a video from nearly 10 years ago would stil be helpful and relevant now. To all the people watching this video now, who are probably in the same boat as me, please know, we've got this. We can still be friends with our exes and it be healthy, we need to set boundaries with that. We are also deserving of love from others whether we feel it or not. We just need to undrstand when we are ready. It'll come in time and we will find our person - even if that's ourselves for a good long while. Strength, love, peace and power to all those going through a breakup right now. x

[hadassahcohen]

i just got out of a 5 year relationship, 4 years married, and we have a kid together. this one was spot on for me. thank you matt.

[PlanetCharnBaby]

I’m in a situation where my boyfriend of 9 years broke up with me last week. I’m completely devastated and I’ve cried for days now. But what makes matters worse is that we still live together, we share a lease that’s not up for another four months, we share our beloved dog, and a bank account. You spend nine years together, and your lives are going to be so intertwined, that trying to break off all contact is going to be impossible. So I have to see him everyday, knowing he both hates me and sees me as nothing more than a pest and is indifferent to my existence while I still love him and want him deeply, is much harder than if I could just stop seeing him all together. And I know he has already replaced me with somebody else, so unless that relationship falls apart soon, I’m going to have to witness it, while I’m in the worst stages of heartbreak. This is torture and I don’t know what to do.