Psychological Work To Do On Yourself Before Dating Again After A Breakup

Because breakup pain is so intense, it’s natural to ask yourself: “How can I get rid of this pain as quickly as possible?” A core emotional human need is to feel good, breakup pain goes against that. A common idea many people have at this point is: I need to replace my ex. I’m feeling lonely and rejected, what I need is company and reassurance, that will help me feel better. However, this strategy often backfires. In this video you'll learn why and what to do instead.

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Hi! I'm Maika - a psychologist, course designer and YouTube creator. The purpose of my work is to assist you in becoming an expert at self-leadership, so you can live your life to the fullest.
"There is no passion to be found in playing small, in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." Nelson Mandela

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00:00 Introduction
00:30 Why Just Replacing An Ex Is Not A Good Idea
01:29 Importance Of Processing
02:05 Values
02:20 Emotional Avoidance
03:19 Acceptance
04:08 How Long It Takes
05:29 What To Do
05:41 1) Closure
06:33 2) Emotional Stability
06:54 3) Self-esteem
07:37 4) Clarity About What You Want
08:40 5) Learnings
09:16 6) New Behavior
09:55 Steady Pace

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I do not make any warranties about the completeness, reliability and accuracy of the information given on this channel. Any action you take upon the information on this channel is strictly at your own risk, and I will not be liable for any losses and damages in connection to the use of my channel. The information I provide cannot be taken as a substitute for advice, diagnosis or treatment by mental health professionals. Please consult your health professionals before making health-related decisions.

#breakup #dating #selfleadershipexperts

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[RecluseRider]

Going through this right now. 4 years of relationship ended and I'm left tired, numb, empty. Not sad or happy, but tired and alone. No energy left to give to anyone.

[clairebear]

It's taken 2.5 yrs to get over an 8yr relationship. Have learnt a lot.

[LightHouse_]

I just discovered I was a "place holder girlfriend " . It meant all the agony I went through, trying to make the relationship work, was never going to be enough.
We broke up 2 years ago but talked almost every day since then. I still held onto hope.
But he never saw me as his "forever" partner.
It has been a shock. The good thing is now I can finally mourn the loss.
Crying in a way I should of, 2 years ago.
He strung me along because he enjoys our chats.
It is a cold shower to look back at memories and understand he never intended it to last.

I know timr will make him fade away. I am old and others have faded.
I cannot even remember the birthday of my best friend in junior school.

Your video was so gently expressed on what is a hard topic.
Thank you.

[Dexy]

For me I haven’t had a relationship in 2 years, but I did have someone I cared deeply for that I had to let go, to move on . Now it’s my time to heal on my own. I will take my time and not rush getting back out there.

[truthseeker]

I will share what has helped me after acceptance. Recently I felt abandoned by my last partner b.c I was ghosted. I created the closure and accepted that he no longer wanted to be in my life but that lingering feel of abandonment did not go away. I had to meditate and really ask myself where it came from, I found it was in childhood and re-parented myself to feel heard, seen, and loved. The feeling of abandonment went away after doing this. Now I do not fret over those who choose to leave my life spoken or unspoken I am just grateful for the time shared and keep moving.

[alexislacey]

I've spent 4 years working on myself after the break up, and I can confidently say I've gotten 10% better. So I should be fully healed and ready to get my heart broken again in about 40 years 🥰 😒

[Daniel]

It’s so hard when you actually love someone and all you can do is look in the past at all the good times, forgetting the bad and the reasons you broke up.

I’ve accepted that I’m not going to move on quickly and that it hurts to see her move on quickly.

It doesn’t make it easier accepting the situation and at times I still struggle with acceptance.

If anyone ever needs a chat reply to my comment. Always have a listening ear, heartbreak sucks but you don’t have to do it alone.

[myguyhankscorpio]

I just broke up with my partner of 7 years, I'm 33 and terrified. This was so reassuring to listen to, coming from someone that would never comment on a Youtube video. Thank you so much.

[MM-vrcd]

I'm on a fresh breakup of 2 years and although it wasn't the best relationship ultimately it was my fault for the catastrophic end of the relationship. And right now I'm just feeling overwhelmed with guilt and things I could have done differently.

But videos like this are helpful. I really do want to grow and learn about myself what I need out of a relationship before I jump into another.

[CalmBeforeTheStorm]

I wish hurt people could learn to forgive instead of internalizing it, and becoming hateful, vengeful, and envious.

[lifeaa]

After a 10 year relationship me and my wife are going through a divorce a choice she made. We have been seperated 6 months but I still think about her and the mistakes I made constantly. I tried going on a date recently and while the woman was nice all I kept thinking was I miss my wife. I’m in therapy but I just can’t let go of her, she was everything to me. You don’t realize how special someone is until they are gone.

[WackestMack]

I’ve been alone for a whole year listening to self help books and trying my best to do the work and still found myself falling into old rotten behaviors
The work never ends friends

[MegaGameXtreme]

This video couldn't have found me at a better time. Bf of almost 4 years and I mutually broke up a few days ago. We still care about each other, we just weren't happy together and stayed together out of convenience.

I asked him today if there was a chance of us working out, and he told me he just wants to be alone right now. I don't blame or fault him for wanting to move on, I honestly need to as well. I want us both to be happy, and I need time to heal. I'm in no rush, and I'm prepared to start despite how painful it's going to be for now.

Thank you for this kind video.

[KulentBeats]

Thank you so much for this video. Almost every line resonated with me deeply. Good is good enough.

I started seeing this girl about a month after she went through a bad breakup, and we both really like each other. But we realized after a few dates that she is not ready to start a new relationship, so we decided to give each other space. Here's to her healing and healing for all those going through breakups.

[Liopleurodon]

Dr. Maika, I am immensely grateful of you and your videos. I’d like to let you know that since day 1 of my healing stage, your videos were all I had, they got me through my worst nights alone. It’s been 4 months since the break-up and I can honestly say I am a whole different person now. I have gotten better and I am working on being my best version for my next relationship because whoever I end up with they deserve the best version of me. I always look forward to your new videos. You have a lifelong fan in me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and please keep up the good work.❤

[supersaiyanboi]

I'm beating myself up for realizing i love her after she's moved on and found someone new. I pulled the low maintenance and unavailable card because i was traumatized from the previous ex... I really messed up and let a good one go without a fight. Couldn't show her the appreciation and value she deserved and I was too ignorant of her needs. I want a second chance but i know it's unfair to her and selfish of me. I pray for her happiness with her new favorite person. I'm grieving and have such deep regrets. I did learn a lot about myself and that I can still love because I want to be loved. Thanks for helping me realize this. Life really tastes bittersweet...

[CrabRangoonSortaGuy]

My girlfriend just broke up with me. We never fought or even argued. I feel so lost and in denial.

[TsMaLLz]

I’m going through a really hard time dealing with an emotionally debilitating breakup. I really appreciate your advice, it’s been helping me tremendously.

[objectreborn.artsewing]

Hello. I'm new to your channel. I was a serial monogamist throughoht my 20s, rarely single for more than a month or two. I took relationships in my early 30s more seriously, and the breakups hurt worse. I've been single for 2.5 years after I decided to solve for the common denominator, no hookups, no dates. The amount of healing has been unreal. Because that was my goal every day, that's what I stayed focused on doing.

I'm happy to be finding your channel at a time where it reaffirms what I've recently taken as true, and offers perspective for my old patterns and where I shortcut myself. Cheers ✌️

[believedragons_]

Thank you for this. I had to break off dating someone with a complicated situation: a DA who broke up with her ex about 5 months ago. We genuinely like each other but I could tell she was conflicted within herself. She needs to heal and now, so do I. I rushed to get back into dating again other people but I may just take it slow and focus on healing.