Is Passive-Aggressiveness a Personality Disorder?

You might have a roommate who rolls their eyes a lot and leaves sassy sticky notes all over the place, but no matter how frustrating it is, it’s probably not a personality disorder.

Hosted by: Brit Garner
----------
----------
Dooblydoo thanks go to the following Patreon supporters:
Jerry Perez, Lazarus G, Kelly Landrum Jones, Sam Lutfi, Kevin Knupp, Nicholas Smith, D.A. Noe, alexander wadsworth, سلطان الخليفي, Piya Shedden, KatieMarie Magnone, Scott Satovsky Jr, Charles Southerland, Bader AlGhamdi, James Harshaw, Patrick D. Ashmore, Candy, Tim Curwick, charles george, Saul, Mark Terrio-Cameron, Viraansh Bhanushali, Kevin Bealer, Philippe von Bergen, Chris Peters, Justin Lentz
----------
Looking for SciShow elsewhere on the internet?
----------
Sources:

[RBuckminsterFuller]

I feel like it's passive-aggressive to send a link to this video to someone you think is passive-aggressive. I'm in a real bind here.

[Jebbtube]

The solution's obvious; be openly aggressive towards everyone!

[ichigodrosera]

The 'dishes' example was a really bad one.. as someone who has known people so passive aggressive that they would do things like 'accidentally' stain your clothes, ruin your food, and even let your pet out of the house after a disagreement, there are definitely instances where it's more like a disorder that even keeps them from healthy interactions..
If the type of person I'm thinking of was angry you didn't do the dishes, they'd break your favorite glass, then when you asked about it say "whoops, if you had just washed them earlier, it wouldn't have been in the way and I wouldn't have accidentally knocked into it! How sad!"

[Master_Therion]

0:46 Sarcasm and jokes? Are you talking about me? Sure, whatever, fine. I'm not mad.

[dantheman]

In my experience, there are two types of passive-aggressive people: communicative and non-communicative.
Communicative passive-aggressive people are the ones who leave you sticky notes, emails, or text messages. Their goal is to communicate their irritation while avoiding confrontation and/or being the "bad guy."
Non-communicative passive-aggressive people are the ones who give you the silent treatment, sarcasm, and/or one word answers. Their goal is to punish people who upset them through discreet insults and alienation.
You can talk and come to a resolution with communicative passive-aggressives, but non-communicative passive-aggressives don't care enough about other people to listen.

[jacobdriscoll]

It's probably not a personality disorder. It's just that some people need to do the dishes.

Karen.

[JoshuaHillerup]

I find how it started to not be very legitimate. Drafted soldiers can't exactly defy orders in assertive ways.

[Honeybreee]

Me? Passive-Aggressive? _Noooo, never_

[windsgrace]

I dealt with this kind of thing about a week or two ago. A person was getting snappy at me and making snide comments. Talked to them privately, big surprise they were upset about something. We had a productive chat, came to a mutual understanding, and made amends. Quite possibly a best-case scenario honestly.

[Nylak-Otter]

Literally just had a vicious throwdown about this particular aspect of my behaviour with my partner yesterday.

I don't express my displeasure openly (supposedly from growing up in a household that was quite violent) until I can't take it anymore, and then it appears that I am extremely upset out of nowhere with no build-up or warning. Understandably, this is baffling to my partner.

Proper communication is difficult, apparently, for those of us that have been conditioned to only expect violence in reaction to displeasure.

[KatGlos]

I can't stand passive-agressive behavior. It's a deal-breaker for me when it comes to friendships and relationships.

[CaptainFSU]

I generally get passive-aggressive when I am not permitted (whether because of society, a person's temperament, or a particular situation) to assert my own disobedience or displeasure.

"Insubordination may only be the evidence of a strong mind." - Napoleon Bonaparte

[adamwise]

I feel like passive-aggression is an ingrained personality trait. I live in a house full of non-confrontational, passive-aggressive people, and I see this behavior repeated pretty consistently. I'd almost buy that it's genetic, considering everyone in my family acts that way. It might just be a part of our family dynamic, though. We've been raised not to get into arguments, so we find other, less productive ways of conveying our frustration.

[allykat]

I'm passive aggressive but I also grew up in a dysfunctional family

[jeffreybernath]

This video suggests a more general video about personality disorders in general, what they are, and how controversial they can be.

[KooblyK]

Sure, lots of people can be passive aggressive sometimes, but that argument is like saying that everyone gets anxious sometimes so anxiety disorder isn't real. Maybe SOME is normal, but I think it's definitely plausible that in some people, it's a chronic problem, i.e. a disorder. Like, I experienced all of the potential childhood triggers for acting that way, but no one who knows me would be able to cite instances of passive aggressiveness. And even if we could point to an environmental trigger, I don't think that negates the existence of a disorder. Definitely more research is needed.

[annoloki]

The dishes note wasn't passive aggressive, it was an active request, but fine, don't worry about getting things right, it's not like any of this matters <-- that is passive aggressive, see how I deliberately terribly pretended not to care about getting things right, see how disrespectful it was? It's like lying in a way that makes sure the person you're lying to knows you're lying as a means of displaying to them your lack of faith in them for their "failure"... it's an attack on their core character, rather than just saying "I think you're selfish", it's more like "I'm going to make out that I think you're selfish because I know how much that will get to you because I know that you're not actually selfish" (passive aggression doesn't work against purely selfish people) which means it's a deliberate, thinly veiled attack.

[gryphonshire]

I HATE that "Happy Face"! Nurse Manager on my Unit used to post them too often. I got "passive-agressive" myself, & started drawing a red "bullet hole" (complete with drips) on them. I got a note stuck into my personnel file for it, but all the other RNs cheered me!

[brianshea]

First - Great shirt. Where does one purchase a similar one?
Second - Imagine this scenario:
Person A notices that something needs to get done by Person B
Person A leaves a note, as they won't see Person B for a few days.
Person B reacts badly to the note and calls Person A passive aggressive.
Person A then goes from Neutral to Upset.
Person A was Passive, and the insulting commentary has made them Aggressive.
Person A may need to find a better way to communicate, but so should Person B.

[jamescotter]

Man I really dislike passive-aggressiveness. Just communicate your emotions in a direct but understanding way. It's exhausting trying to navigate the tripwires of someone's emotional minefield.