Childhood Emotional Neglect

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The Holistic Psychologist

[solveig]

The parts about feeling uncomfortable in social settings, and feeling like I don't fit in anywhere most definitely fit. I suspect I'm sitting on a pile of rage.

[RKTGX]

i suffered a lot from emotional neglect in my childhood, to the point that even back then i've realized that something was very wrong in my family after comparing with friends' parents who showed at least some warmth and communication. While it wasn't the only problem, with time it occurred to me that my parents where on the surface cold emotionally and deeper down kind of handicapped in that department. Together with outbursts and denial of what i was rarely saying, i've learned as a child that for survival i can't tell or share anything internal especially with my parents. it came to the level that i felt a lot closer with friends than them. Heck, Even today i feel much more connected to colleagues i've worked with (closely) than my family.
What helped me to begin the journey of getting in touch with my emotions and inner child was to start and grief my childhood trauma which includes a lot of the emotional neglect (but not limited to just it). Such a painful yet beautiful path that is filled with hardship and (relieving) suffering but i don't regret a bit and wouldn't trade it for anything.
Also, while it is true what Nicole said in the video that most likely parents\caregivers emotionally neglect unintentionally, it is important to note that they were still responsible for their behaviour.

[Itsthatoneguy]

Working through this now with my counselor. It’s crazy what is perceived as “normal” or “happy” from your own point of view is seen by others for what it actually is, toxic. This has effected personal and professional relationships all my life. I’m just now starting to become aware of it and taking steps to change it. During this process I am finding out I “knew” something was off, but was unable to locate the source.

[countvespasian]

100% described me...I've been diagnosed with BDP, am a text book case, finding it hard to move forward, I just feel like crying all the time, feel sad, lonley and disconnected...

[jaimiekight]

It was encouraging to hear you talk about your own parents’ and that the neglect wasnt intentional. I am trying to work through healing personally- and so I know my own kids will have their own trauma that I unintentionally caused them, which in itself is so hard to accept. 😣 thank you for being kind when you spoke on your parents’ issues- it gives me hope that my babies will be able to love and forgive me despite the hardships they may have had to endure unintentionally because of my own need for healing. ❤️

[MyBestLife]

This was me to the T. 🙋🏾‍♀️ It feels so good now to be *attentive to my own emotions.* This builds so much TRUST, SAFETY, & OPENNESS within my relationship with Self (then subsequently with others). 💚💫

[popdragonpaula]

I've been trying to do this work of healing alone for almost 30 years, without knowing it is an accepted deficiency in my socialising process.
The one thing it did give me though was the ability to empathize with animals. I became an efficient carer of horses and now bison. But as the animals made me more aware of my own emotional states I did a lot of growing up away from human peers and developed different points of view, based on my being socialised by true herd instinctual animal beings. This has led to my losing touch with the framework of human interaction accompanied by news, politics and community because I couldn't abide the humans lack of ability to empathize with one another...hence causing myself more isolation.
Thankyou Miss Le Pera for helping me clarify my own problems and thereby assist me in reframing how I relate to my human peers without sacrificing empathy, nor being a victim to it's potential.

[jedilady]

I suffered CEN and those signs I experienced are not indicated here. For me, I was very needy in my relationships and I always do everything to please other people so that I will be liked and loved in return. I also was jealous of my younger more beautiful sister, so always end up in a love triangle, me as the 3rd party!

[nineangels]

The more I learn about CEN the more I realize, "it wasn't my fault." I couldn't wrap my head around the "why?"...my mother's distant behavior. Decades later and 7 years after my mom's death, I'm getting answers to accept and work through the first 18 years of my life.

[esmanfarhi]

Never heard of this before but it’s me - I am so grateful for your kindness to share your knowledge and offer me a way to heal! 🙏☺️Thank you

[rishiiit]

Idk but I feel like I have this funny combo of both my parents working full time, my mom taking/studying for her PHD when I was in elementary school. They would be so tired from a day at work they’d just say hello before falling asleep. Also, I wouldn’t see my mom outside of meals because she was studying. Not to mention both of their jobs were high stress ones that definitely carried into home life. As a kid I knew that I couldn’t blame them for this, but I knew it hurt. I also have an older brother who was very loud and emotional, so I’d get told “you’re the strong sibling, and your brother needs the extra attention” a lot. I knew that part of my value in supporting our stressful and chaotic lifestyle was shutting off my emotions. So when now in life my parents want me to confide in them, I don’t feel like I can. My dad also has this whole thing we’re “he’s know me longer that I’ve known myself”, and I feel like that just feel like a dismissal to any emotions he doesn’t think I have. Oops this is a long one, might delete this soon :0

[Maggies]

This is eye-opening, and I ticked of all but 1 box. Percents tend to repeat what they experienced, at least in part. It is easier to make sense of the whys when you look at what our parents didn’t get, either.

[LG-lzjx]

I had a dream recently about how I was going through life, 'without a middle'. It was awful. I had nothing inside to share or show people.
In my dream, I also saw how much better life was, 'with a middle'.
We all need middles..❤

[lotusflower]

This makes so much sense to me. Thank you so much for this video. 💗

[andreamarie]

I've just realized that I was emotionally neglected by every caretaker in my life except my Nana and Poppi sometimes. I latched on to my father, uncle, and grandfather. but I've just realized my dad was always on my narcissistic brother's side. I nicknamed my brother the golden child when I was very young. I knew back then I was the scapegoat and he was the favorite. My dad is actually taking a drug test for my brother to get a new job. Somehow I’m the problem 😂. People are so messed up. I hope he gets caught.

[elgrannido]

New information.
You are a jewel. Thanks for doing it indeed.

[jowyschwarz]

almost my entire life is disconnection from myself and other people..i dont have authenticity and dont know about how to be naturally me..i lose myself in the crowd, im always tense and hypervigilance cant relax..im uncomfortable around people yet i have an needy urge(cuz im so blank and uncomfortable to feel my own body, so i automaticly search other container, but its the same uncomfortable, its make me tired)..i dont have sense of self..and all the sign on the video all i had

[fnhs]

I've read Dr. Webbs book on CEN. A complete lifechanger. The only book that is up there, in terms of making a difference, is John Bradshaws Healing the Shame that Binds You (do a video on toxic shame - so impactful!). Self-help-books gets a lot of flak, but these two books changed my life. Highly recommended

[mousicos]

Dr L
I relate to this very much. As a practising child therapist it kind of helps to simplify the work I do with them in 2 ways. Firstly, just providing that space to explore and validate their feelings. Secondly, being easy on myself for not having a magic wand.

This bit might be my OCD. You put 'sometimes' instead of 'something' on last slide. Not really relevant but thought I'd let you know.

Thanks again

Chris

[mahogany_maho]

I've read(most) of your book "how to do the work" - First and foremost I want to say l am grateful. I'm trying.