5 Signs You've Been Emotionally Neglected In Childhood

If you feel you or someone you know might have been emotionally neglected as a child, please watch this video. Child abuse doesn’t always leave marks and bruises but instead makes you grow up with invisible scars. Even if this kind of abuse doesn’t show on the outside, it can impact your whole life, even after you’re long gone from your childhood home. This kind of abuse is called childhood emotional neglect, a dark place where a child is ignored, not taken seriously, told their feelings don’t matter, and treated like they’re not even there.

Because this form of abuse is often unrecognized and unreported, it could be difficult to spot the signs. This can be confusing when you grow up with emotional problems, and you’re left wondering why am I like this? So, we made this video to help you find more clarity about what you're going through now.

Writer: Stela Kosic
Script Editor: Isadora Ho
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Animator: Sun Biscuit
YouTube Manager: Cindy Cheong

If you relate to this video, we have also left a list of hotlines below you or a loved one can use to seek help for abuse.

Resources:
National Child Abuse Hotline (US and Canada): 800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453)
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233)
TTY: 800-787-3224
Video Phone for Deaf Callers: 206-518-9361
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255)
TTY: 800-799-4TTY (800-799-4889)
Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 741741 (US and Canada) or 85258 (UK)
National Runaway Switchboard: 800-RUNAWAY (800-786-2929)

References:
Aust, S., Alkan Härtwig, E., Heuser, I., & Bajbouj, M. (2013). The role of early emotional neglect in alexithymia. Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy, 5, 225–232.

[lunalgaleo]

My parents never intended to neglect me, they just weren't the best people to care for me. That being said, they're not the WORST people to care for me and I'm glad they've been in my life.

[davidfalcon]

My parents didn't care at all about my emotions, I always had to be careful to not make them mad. And eventually I stopped telling them my problems, because I always received negative feedback, telling me that is not a big deal, or taking it personal. I don't feel supported by them and I can't really see them as "parents", but rather, as the people that give me a home and food.

[michellemartinov]

“Children should be seen and not heard.” That was the motto of my childhood.

[juliemarrison]

I’m 58 and still dealing with the repercussions of growing up abused and ignored by my parents and brothers. It wasn’t until I had children of my own that I realized how truly dysfunctional my family is. It took years for me to learn how finish a sentence because as a child I was always interrupted or dismissed by my mother and not allowed to complete a thought or idea. Fortunately my own children never faced what I did. They were raised in a loving, supportive home. I am very proud of that fact. However, my parents and brothers still linger in my life and cause me grief. Being that they’re still toxic, I am not close to them. But also, I’m not close to anyone but my husband and grown children. I have very few friends because I keep people at arm’s length as a defense mechanism. That I’m trying to fix. Isolation is not the solution, but I’m so tired of being hurt by people.

[kentabenno]

I grew up with parents who are totally unable to communicate emotional stuff. Therefore, all conflicts in the family were fought out in very bad passive aggressive ways, which led to us children adapting these weird strategies in our own relationships. I (33, m) recently talked with my father about this, how I feel like they have screwed us up in some ways. He was totally oblivious and saw no problem at all. This really got on my nerves

[AmerieFanbase]

Tip: You don't have to have kids if you aren't *FULLY* capable of raising one properly. Childfree 4 life!

[junetaylor]

I remember my mother picking me up when I was three and putting me on my bed. It was so unusual. I realize now that it was only because her own mother was visiting and she wanted to look maternal. I remember an anesthesiologist stroking my forehead when I was five. I had never felt anything like it in all my life. It was so lovely. I was glad I needed surgery just to feel that loveliness.

[CherryCharmander]

I've unfortunately grown to be terrified of people and have considered myself a waste of space for about as long as I remember. It has honestly crippled my ability to work, socialize, and seek help no matter how small the matter.
I hope those with similar experiences to my own can find peace and get the help they need. ❤

[zhhrah]

I always called it “Emotionally starved” because that’s exactly how it felt to me. Like in physical starvation, one develops an unbalanced spirit. Too soft when one needs to be tough and too tough when one needs to be soft. Also self sabotaging can be a result from that.

[Pandalous]

My therapist told me that if i catch myself feeling worthless, i should try to tell myself that this isn't about me as a person, it's what i've been taught to believe.

[DGsa]

I grew up with a mentally unstable mother. My father was non existent. I saw him a handful of times. I was completely neglected and left to my own devices. Thank goodness I chose to get an education and leave home as soon as I was able to. I felt alone my whole childhood, I had loads of friends but I always longed for a “normal “ family”-I still do 😢

[gregatkinson]

Hit the nail on the head. Unfortunately getting professional help is not an option for MANY of us because of the cost involved.

[katherineb.]

My parents didn't really tell me my emotions didn't matter, they would just kinda get annoyed whenever I went to them and I could tell they were obviously just pretending to care so they could get me out of their way.

[treyn.]

1 | 0:49 | You have trouble understanding your emotions
2 | 1:28 | You avoid social situations
3 | 2:15 | You have low self-worth
4 | 2:51 | You're trying to please everyone
5 | 3:36 | You feel unexplained resentment towards your parents

Just want to say to anyone reading this that you do have the strength to emotionally heal and find yourself. It may not feel that way, and you may stumble and fall from time to time, but you can always pick yourself back up. Keep on being true to yourself. I may not have answers or much good advice, but what I do know is that I and many others care about you. You're not alone. Not anymore. Love you guys!

[kitsune]

I grew up emotionally neglected, though not emotionally abused. I knew I would screw up any child I would raise, so I married a woman who was also raised that way and we consciously decided not to have kids. We broke the chain and we didn't screw up any more kids.

[murasakimochi]

I sobbed . This video put into words what I've been feeling for a long time. Number 5 hit me the most. For a long time I've felt this inexplicable sadness and resentment when I think of my parents. I hated myself for feeling this way towards them and I didn't understand why until I found this video. I'm thankful to finally understand this but at the same time the sadness almost feels unbearable.

[xxxxxda]

Growing up with emotionally immature parents, all of these signs happened. Even now when I'm an adult. It sucks because I know that it's affecting my relationships with people too. Going to therapy was the best decision I made to gain back my self-identity and skills I need to manage my emotions

[HappyMatt]

I like how you're bringing more awareness to emotional abuse because it's much harder for others to understand because there aren't any obvious signs to look for.

[frayacinth]

I'm only coming to realise in my late 20s how much emotional neglect I received as a child- I had a serious accident when I was a toddler that hospitalised me for weeks, and instead of getting therapy for it, my parents just never talked about it, like it'd never happened. And every time I try and talk about how I feel they immediately jump to being devil's advocate, 'ah but how do you think the OTHER person feels?', or tell me that my feelings are wrong, ' but that's not REALLY how you feel, THIS is what you actually mean...' like everything upsetting should immediately be turned into a profound piece of wisdom for me to learn from; I'm not allowed to feel sad for a single second, and it's maddening...

[lizlarsen]

As a child, when I was cruelly teased by a sibling, my reaction was to get up and leave the room. My father often said, “Don’t go away go away!” Then they all laughed.
At about 50 years old I told this to a therapist, thinking it was not that serious, and he told me he was appalled and distressed to know that happened to me (many times, not just once).