Childhood Neglect And The Feeling That You Can Never Belong

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Childhood PTSD is, in essence, an injury to the ability to connect with other people. So it's no surprise that abuse and neglect in your childhood may have left you with a feeling that no matter what you do, you never quite belong in groups. In this "best of" compilation, I share videos that will help you understand that the feeling of being an outside is not a quirk of yours, or a failing. It's a feeling (and an experience) that is common for traumatized people, and with practice, it can be healed.
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[GreenTaraAZ]

“I lived well today”. This is so helpful, as is this entire video. I feel like you are talking directly to me! At age 58, I am finally discovering strategies to get myself going. I don’t always use the use strategies — I’m new at this — but knowing I have them, and knowing that what I have been experiencing all these years is real and valid, has been an enormous help.

[matteomeloni]

It's like watching others play the game of life while you are the only one not knowing the rules.

[loveinthematrix]

I went to a meetup this saturday where we were supposed to be authentic and vulnerable, I told them that I was on the autism spectrum and almost everyone in the group started making jokes about autistic people. It triggered me a lot and I ended up going out alone drinking that night, there was a guy from that group who was trying to hook up with me which is not what I'm looking for right now in my life. In order to get away from him, I went to the dancefloor and was dancing alone for hours. I could hear people laughing at me from a distance, another girl started dancing with her friend and I could swear they were mocking me. I may be overly sensitive, but this is the kind of stuff that happens when I decide to put myself out there. It usually makes me go back into isolation - but I am refusing to continue to live in isolation. I probably shouldn't drink anymore but I left that experience and cried for two hours about how alone I feel, how different I feel from everyone and that I never seem to fit in. Even me trying 'stand alone and be myself' makes me sad. I don't actually want to be a lone wolf but people-ing has never been my strong suit.

[Wimsa]

Im 80 and still feeling alone and dont belong anywhere. Im listening to this, now I get answers WHY my life got like this.

[matthews]

I heard a quote recently that went something like this: "we all grew up in the same household, but not the same family." Makes sense. My experience was way different than my siblings.

[CremeBrulee]

It’s hard because there is FEAR involved. Fear of not being good enough, fear of not getting it right, fear of failure, fear of criticism, fear of success, fear of more responsibility when I’m already struggling … and the anxiety that creates. That’s what causes my procrastination. Turning that voice off is challenging. I try to just start on a task to get momentum. And I try not to beat myself up for not being perfect.

[turner]

I can totally relate to this. People that grew up with "normal" functioning families have no idea what it's like to have had such dysfunctional parents, no brothers or sisters or any other family members to go to for help.
Thank you so much, Ms. Anna, for just being you!

[christinaw]

I had a brutal crush on a football player from another school. I never told him. I wanted to go to prom with him, but I felt so bad about myself I didn't think he would ever do it, much less want to. After prom a mutual acquaintance told him and he told him, "why didn't she say something I would have taken her." This is the true price of doing nothing. You miss out on the life you could have had.

[stephaniejmc]

I can relate to this 100%. Procrastination and avoidance has always been my thing. When I was growing up, TV was my safe place. I could retreat into the world of my favorite TV characters and just live vicariously through them. I didn't have many friends and family in my real life I could trust, so those TV characters became my friends. As an adult, I find myself doing the same when I am stressed with the real world and need to escape. I know I use it as an excuse to not get anything done and delay taking action toward anything that would better myself and my life. It always seems like "too much work" and too much effort to actually take any steps toward any goals. I think about it, and it immediately becomes overwhelming... so I end up not doing anything.

[wmh]

I started listening to this instead of feeding the chickens lol. Okay, I'll listen to it WHILE feeding the chickens 😅🐥🐔🐓

[Chic.Geek]

At 47 years old, I am still struggling but only with my family. I was born out of rape and my mother's side of the family raised me and was abused until 18. My mom was institutionalized because she was blind. She died when I was 11. I still get triggered by my aunt because at times I wish she could be my mother, I never had parental love or hugs. So Facebook triggers me because she posts about her kids and grandkids and I feel left out. I feel like an alien like I was dropped in the middle of nowhere with these people. I needed this video, right on time. Thank you so much Anna

[suewolmarans]

I know what you mean. I had just started going to high school and was invited for a sleepover at a friends house I met. I cant remember if they came to fetch me at my house. It was such a nice middle class to upper class house with this nicest family. I felt so awkward. But I remember they dropped me off at home the Sunday. And the look of sheer horror and pity on that mothers face was palatable. Needless to say I saw her very little from then at school and she found another friend group. I always still feel like the outsider. Like I am never part of anything. Like I am an extra in a movie. I think there is a part of me that is broken that will always leave a hole. A space where I should have been loved.

[sherrisouthwell]

I end up in tears after each video realizing just how dysfunctional my childhood was and am amazed that I've been able to achieve as much as I have given the lack of tools I had to work with. I shared one of your videos with my daughter and apologized for the dysfunction I created in her life, like my mother created in mine, in hopes that we can both break the chain of trauma, FINALLY! Thank You!

[FuzzyFrogg]

Thank you for reminding me that I don't need to let life kick my ass, I need to kick ass in life😊

[Pigmyta]

I'm 40. I have known about CPTSD for quite some time now, healed some. But just today I realized how awkward I am around 'normal decent' people and just a few hours ago I realized I can speak freely only with 'problematic' people. It's got so bad I'm alone most of the time. And boom, here's this video. Thank you!

[gertrudewest]

It’s rare to find decent people that share my values of treating all living things with civility and respect.

[toadeepants]

I’m drawn towards the failures too, but not just romantically. I also feel soooo inferior to “normal”, successful achievers. They scare me and I avoid. I feel less inferior to people who are a mess in some way, so I feel more comfortable and able to interact.

[jennifersignsoflife]

It's Iike being frozen. When I get Iike this (and this cycle has lasted a few years) when given two choices, I will aIways make the worst choice, then ruminate on it ceaseIessIy. I've isoIated myself, so have no one to call, no one to talk to. I don't even know where to begin. Here, I guess.
Thank You so much for these videos.

[julialucas]

My new affirmation is "I deserve to be cared for and treated with compassion".

[JB.zero.zero.]

I walk alone each night when the light fails.
I live in a small city in the UK where there are restaurants and other establishments.
I feel empty inside when gazing into venue windows, where families & friends are gathered; laughing, at ease, connected.
Aside from a brief moment in time, way back, I have always felt this way.
Through habituation and time, this feeling is now foundational to my being and I am an alien in this world.
I was later in life diagnosed as autistic, albeit on the higher functioning spectrum, so that feeds the disconnect.
However, the core perception of me vs. the world was a by-product of a harsh & then abandoning mother and then an abandoning father.
My journey is one of being empty much of the time with transitory periods of acute pain, then depression.
None of us contracted prior to birth for this life imposed and the tragedy is, many of us are fated through circumstance, to walk this life alone.