NARCISSISTIC FATHERS: SYMPTOMS AND HEALING | DR. KIM SAGE

This video describes the (symptoms) impact of Narcissistic fathers and what it takes to heal.

******FOR MORE INFORMATION ONLINE COURSES AND FREE CHECKLIST:

**************************

Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):

1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA

(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)

2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"

(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).

3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT (FREE COURSE)

CHECKLIST IS INCLUDED IN ALL 3 COURSES!!

xo

* Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.

[moonlightstargem]

The only way to escape a narc family is to be able to afford to move out & our economy is making it very difficult to do so

[Nicolejduval]

Having a narcissistic father is like feeling never good enough. Even when u think you're in good terms there's always something wrong at the end. Seeking for their approval and getting complains on their part. Even when dating, i seek for that validation i didn't get in my childhood with him as a man and father. So draining tbh.

[neptunesdreams]

As the older, retired daughter of a narc father, I finally realized the worst thing he did to me. A father should give his daughter a sense of her own AGENCY in the world, or as you say, SELF ADVOCACY. However, I spent my life trying to "do the right thing" instead of doing what I was inherently good at. I now know I was trying to prove myself in all the wrong ways. It's not too late, but anger is still a big issue for me. Thanks so much for your video.

[Therealgordongekko]

My Dad is so verbally abusive and can never take the slightest bit of criticism or even a differing opinion. It's quite fascinating to witness. The damage to me is incalculable and constant.

[oneoftheninetynine]

This is so correct, it sounded like you knew my parents personally. My father whined continuously to me as a child, about being abandoned by my mother, while shamelessly abandoning me at the exact same time.

[freedomadventurechallengetruth]

42 and just realizing where all of my attachment issues stemmed from, married a narcissist that messed my eleest son up to the point he's got the exact same tendancies. I get retriggered by my father and my husband all over again. But it stops now. I choose myself and my kids.

[seHi]

I wish my 14 year old granddaughter would listen to this and hear the truth you speak. She was removed from the father's narcissistic home ( with narcissistic stepmother )and placed in her narcissistic mother's home.
Grandfather John
Sad in Pennsylvania

[kiskakuznetsova]

I have started a new tradition for Mothers Day, I now take myself out for brunch/whatever because I raised myself in a vicious family that my mother sicced on me, a child. I don't necessarily go to the Mothers Day events, but I buy myself flowers, a gift and a great meal.

[BBFCCO]

I love the fact that your explanations are compassionate and informative. You described my father perfectly. They really don't change, they just get more demanding and controlling and invasive and I was getting so sick that I had to go no contact. It really is a tragedy having a parent who is like this. It's a lifelong sentence.

[theliftexpert]

This is the first time in my life as a 56 year old man that I felt like someone communicated with me like a calm loving adult regarding this subject matter .
Thank you 🙏🏻

[rubberbiscuit]

My father is an alcoholic whose abuse was (I am no contact now) very much controlled, even when he was drunk, which was every night. His hate languages were criticism, ridicule, and contempt. He hated his family and himself, but presented as an altruist at his job, leading people in the community to unknowingly gaslight me with statements like, "You're so lucky to have him as a father." and "I want to be your dad when I grow up." My head was very messed up. It took five decades for me to first learn about narcissism, and by then I had spent half that time trying to be happy whilst married to a malignant narcissist quite like my father. I need your content. Thank you, Dr. Sage.

[ClaudiaSt]

1: Understand and accept what narcisstic abuse is (that's qhat happened to me and it wasn't ok, but it is what it is and this is where I have to go)
2: Asses your own trauma (relational dynamics, around grades, passions, what was their rage like, ...)
3: Asses your inner child wounds (parts that didn't get to develop, mature, are scared, ...)
4: Understand where those need to be reloved / reparented
5: Identify your attachment pattern (how do you chose partners, what are you trying to heal, where do you get tripped up in relationships, where are your strengths)
6: Explore your own caregiver behaviours that you have (what do you to please or compulsive caregiver (is it help- / harmful)
7: Understand the depth of narcissism in adults and kids (ie exessive praise isn't good either, so number one but not just the abuse - the whole thing)
8: Common dynamics in kids (genetics, relational trauma; insensitive, abandoning, neglectful to overly involved, exessive praising, pampering parenting, exessive criticism, control, coldness, lack of emphaty, lack of real validation - riskfactor for narcissistic parenting when adult)
9: Work with the grief that comes up, the shame of maybe having repeated stuff
10: Look at things around toxic shame, compulsive caregiving, isolation, desparation (love me please), boundary issues, conflict and self advocacy skills, role reverse (narcissistic parents often like kids - immature), your own anger (in your own home back then, now)
11: Understand often cptsd for people
12: mapp your own body, understand your own fight flight freeze, do to responses of body, learn how to regulate, calm your body
13: list at 18:30 maybe few seconds later
14: build mission statements (book was mentioned - i think pete walker - from surviving to thriving)

English is not my first language, but I hope my writing skills are good enough for the list to make sense :)

[NikoWinter]

I am 32, and only just now beginning to put the broken pieces of myself back together. Videos like yours help make me feel like I am a person who is worthy of love again. The path to healing can sometimes feel just as painful as the original journey through the trauma, but I am beginning to understand that the pain of healing/understanding leads to the life that I have been seeking the entire time. The light at the end of the tunnel- empathy, compassion, love, fulfillment, and meaningful intimacy. Freedom from resentment. Freedom from self loathing. Freedom from the shackles of never being able to choose forgiveness because it's buried too deeply under the pain. Thank you so much for what you do.

[thegardensystem]

Thank you. It’s my 19th birthday and I helped my dad after he spun out into a ditch . The entire time he belittled me and made me feel small. I spent a lot of time in therapy so I can recognize a narcissist when I see one. This bud was a refresher corse for me. I can’t walk away completely yet. But this is a start . So truly thank you 🥰🥰

[CuteNinjaPanda]

My sperm donor would mess with me and tease me all the time and when he would get the reaction he wanted (me being upset) he would laugh and say "you're so easy" everything was a "joke" and so when I would get really mad about it he would get mad because I was mad. If anyone made jokes at his expense it didn't matter if it was "just a joke" THEN it's not funny

[rose]

Thank you so much! I love that you are in it from a point of empathy and I can really feel that. I’m almost 30 and spent my whole 20s in a spiral of self-destruction and self-hate because of molding myself around a father with pretty textbook grandiose narcissism. Trying to learn how to re-parent myself now and live a happier life, this helps so much. Thank you 🙏

[rhondamckinley]

Thank you! This is a hard realization at age 59. 😢
I have already raised four children, and instead of trying to raise them with what I didn’t have, I did the over parenting thing because I thought that’s what they needed. That’s all I ever knew. I am at least very thankful to say that they have all turned out very successful and independent. I sit here with my life though feeling like I feel that everything I ever did and where do I go now and what do I do, my dad is still belittling me to this day to this day. He was a very successful man, and I have never ever been able to be enough or successful enough in any way. All this realization that I’ve been going through in therapy and EMDR and learning skills has become extremely overwhelming. Thank you for what you’re doing to help those of us who’ve been through this. 🙏❤️🙂

[SlidingTheTube]

Amazing, had me in tears! In my 50’s and still trying to make sense of it al ❤🙏 Thank you for such clarity and sincerity

[Aneirok]

This was my life. I never felt good enough. I was too skinny, too fat, to big for my boots, I was criticised, ridiculed and belittled. Thank goodness for my mother. I knew she loved me and always tried to defend me but the damage had been done. Relationships were hard for me because I was constantly looking for what he never provided. I am learning though. Its a slow journey but I think I am getting there. Thank you for the video.

[erynalyson]

This hit me dead center of my being. Thank you!! I'm trying to reconcile the father i grew up with, the father I grew to admire, the father who helped me through my mom's death, with the father who has regressed back to the father that is verbally abusive, patronizing, critical, self-centered, but is dying. It's so hard for me to feel love for him right now as I have been thrust back into that little girl that didn't have a dad who attended her soccer games because he didn't like soccer (he wanted me to be a golfer), that father that never helped me with homework, the one that that didn't come to my rescue when my alcoholic mother's degenerate boyfriend threw a beer at her forehead, the one that left me waiting to be picked up. I am in therapy but it's not enough. I have made all the wrong choices with men because of my narc dad and my need to please and put up with being someone's good time girl and "dirty secret." Thank you Dr. Sage for these words, I am now more equipped to discuss all this with my therapist.