6 Pain Points of Having a Narcissistic Parent

Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:

If you're a victim of narcissistic abuse, this video is for you! Dr. Fox shares the 6 PAIN POINTS common to people with narcissistic parents, and discusses the ways in which these pain points can impact your life. Whether you're a victim of narcissistic abuse or just have a narcissistic parent, this video is a valuable resource that will help you understand your experience and find comfort.

We'll discuss these 6 pain points of having a narcissistic parent:
1. persistent sense of self-doubt
2. people-pleasing tendencies
3. guilt, shame, and fear about succeeding or being noticed
4. insecure or anxious attachment styles
• Anxious (or preoccupied also referred to as anxious-ambivalent in childhood)
• Avoidant (or dismissive also referred to as anxious-avoidant in childhood)
• Disorganized (also referred to as fearful-avoidant in childhood)
5. have a high likelihood to end up in abusive relationships as adults
a. Likely to tolerate emotional abuse and neglect from unhealthy or malevolent partners.
6. feel defective and worthless

Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.

He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:

Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:

Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.

[Underrated]

What’s hard to overcome is when you tell people this, they say count your blessings that your parents are alive and healthy, you’re healthy. But that’s the whole problem. She’s not healthy and I’m not healthy because of it. People just. Don’t. Fking. Get

[chriswalls]

Keep distant from them don't tell them nothing

[PeriwinkleB]

This thread is proof that people love making and having children but not raising and loving said children properly. Kids shouldn’t be healing from things their parents did, they didn’t ask the parent to bring them into existence

[angelawhite]

I’m 41 and today is my first day realizing I have a narcissistic parent. Holy moly is it ever mind blowing! It’s like I’m a puzzle and you are putting the pieces together bit by bit. This is AMAZING because the more aware I become the less my symptoms. Thank you for these videos. 🙏 👍

[jcb]

My Father died in 2004. I'm a 68 year old who is haunted by his past. Particularly my Father's ways, his manipulation. I was in my forties, and he was still reminding me just how lucky I was . Apparently had everything when I was a child and I should be grateful. He was totally deluded. He deid crying asking for forgiveness { or so I was told } I didn't attend his funeral.

[toloulafaumuina]

Self doubt persistence, people pleasing, guilt shame fear of succeeding and being noticed, , anxiety anxious, dismissive avoidant of emotional connections, tolerance for abuse reactionship.
This is the best video I’ve seen on narcissistic parents.

[thislittlelightofmine]

Exactly!! Growing up under a physically emotional physochotic abusive mother has really stunted me.

[necsefor]

My Dad used to purposefully try to "get me going" when I was a child. He thought it was entertaining to "work me up, " which meant teasing and humiliating me until I was red-faced angry, and then he'd turn around and say I "let people get to me too easily" and that I was "so easy to tease." My sister is 15 years older than me and confirmed that he did indeed enjoy fighting with me... when I was a child, not even a teenager (things got way worse then). Who does that? Who enjoys provoking and tormenting a child and purposefully disregulating them?

[darkangel]

I used to tolerate alot of toxic people.
I am beginning to fight back.

[sallybyrd]

There is definite a template learned from an abusive upbringing which you think is normal. You don't even realize that you are being abused until you read or are told that what you are experiencing is abuse.

[scirrhia_kruden]

I'd never actually realized until now how I always undermine or preempt my own potential success. Point 3 really hit hard, and opened my eyes. I'd never thought critically about it, or put it into words, so I never brought it up to therapists, and no therapist has ever mentioned it to me either.

At least I can finally bring it up in therapy.

[bebbierose]

I heard number 3 and cried. It really sucks having a narc parent.

[MichNative]

My husband was the scapegoat to a malignant narcissist and enabler mother, he's working hard to work this out...doing therapy and Jay Reid course on narc families, he's working on the trauma bond issue...im proud of him for wanting to change, with videos like this one, its such a help. Thank you Dr. Fox...keep these videos coming! We watch all the ones you so graciously do. Thank you and bless you.

[veronixawardwell]

Oh my gosh!! You are 100% on! Thank you for verifying what I knew but was told by other family members that my parents were so wonderful. They were very skillful in some ways socially. I feel such relief! God bless you.

[Avaaaw]

I want my narc mother to see me becoming everything she tried so hard to prevent: a happy person who shines bright like a diamond. And then I want her to agonize from a long, painful cancer. So that she physically feels all the pain she inflicted to me and my siblings. May God hear my heart ❤ amen!

[healthychick]

Around the 6:30 mark. Had to listen a few times then it clicked. My mother is the narc. I am CONSTANTLY criticized, put down, punished then told I have poor self esteem. I remember her telling me I don't think highly of myself and I was thinking "well that's because you put me down all the time 🤷🏾‍♀️". She took me to a therapist at 15 years old they put me on Zoloft and the therapist wanted to meet with her. She told me that "(she) wasn't the problem and she is not meeting with my therapist". It's crazy making to grow up like that. I've been in therapy since then.

[dawn]

Thank you for helping blinded and abused people who never knew they were good enough and nothing was wrong with them. You are changing the world, because we don’t need more narcissists out there.

[m.h.]

Another great and kind video. Thank you.

I'd like to add that people who come from such families may not think that they deserve abuse. Many times they don't know what's normal, acceptable and healthy, and what's not. They accept abuse because they don't know certain behaviors are abuse, because it was normalized.

[ezrea]

I have the disorganized attachment style. I've always described it as trying to navigate through really dense fog. If I see someone in the fog and I start trying to reach them, I find myself disoriented and unable to really get close to them. However, if someone sees me in the fog and tries to reach me, I tend to withdraw and do the emotional equivalent of running from the unknown stranger chasing me in the fog. It's a difficult attachment style for sure, but I've definitely made progress in recent years thanks to therapy and your BPD resources

[carmelittanewby]

Thanks for always explaining your topics simply.
Both my parents are Narcissistic. It was a terrible life. My double wammy in this environment was their marriage was a domestic violent shitshow. I unfortunately encountered sexual abuse/ assault as a young kid, teen, & adult.
It makes me sad that I did not let them know of the situations, , but I intuitively knew they would not be there for me.
I am 53 now and have been estranged from my mom for 10 years am my dad on an off for the same. This past fall my dad closed the door on our relationship because of my deteriorating mental health issues.
Dbt is helping me “wake up”
Your videos are a nice bright light of information that’s been very helpful in understanding my brain.
Thanks!❤